WWE: The Music Vol. 8 - The Good, The Bad, The Celmatic Part X

WWE is really flooding the market with CDs and I'm not sure exactly why. Their last two CDs of superstar theme songs bricked, and one wasn't even a national release. It was released only on iTunes. Their last CD, which was a greatest hits type release was released just in time for Christmas, which is less than four months ago. The last time I heard, it hadn't even sold 100,000 units. Why is there a need to release another version of their theme songs? Well, there isn't a real reason because based on the themes that are on this release, none of them are new songs for big stars. And that's what drove the early success years ago when they were putting these things out. Here goes.

The Good

There are some interesting, funny, and just good old entertaining themes on this release, but they are few and far between. Jillian Hall's Sliced Bread is good for one reason and one reason only. It's a parody song (as she's a parody character) that makes fun of both Britney Spears and Brooke Hogan at the same time. Hall can't sing a lick and her character is based on the idea that she thinks she can, but no one else does. She sings like Britney Spears, but the inspiration behind it was Hulk Hogan's own daughter. It's really Hall singing on the track and brings back memories of when the Sensational Sherri used to sing Sexy Boy. It's pretty funny. Jesse and Festus are a new tag team on Smackdown in a day and age when tag teams are nearly the way of the dodo bird. But don't blame them for trying to break out. Their gimmick is a George and Lennie type of tag team where Ray Gordy (son of Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy) plays the straight guy who has to keep his very dumb but insanely strong partner in control, until it's time for him to clean house. The song is a rock based country song with very strained singing, but just fits their characters perfectly, which is what this game is all about.

There's really nothing all that special about Beth Phoenix's Glamazon theme, except that it reminds me of a day and age when theme music was more about an instrumental that said more than words could say. This song actually has ties to some of the old Saturday Night Main Event music and if I hear that song, I start paying attention. At the end, it has a similar sound to one of the old Undertaker themes. For her character, who doesn't even really talk, a theme like this works perfectly.

The Bad

For some reason, the WWE is fond of taking some of the better theme songs, slowing them down and getting someone to change up the tempo of the lyrics as well. Someone decided that Jeff Hardy's theme needed changing. No More Words by Endeverafter is based off his old music and starts off hard, but really, ends up being a pop song with a catchy hook and all. But Jeff Hardy didn't need new music. Now his dances don't even work because the song is too slow. I think Vince McMahon's No Chance In Hell has been redone a few times and this one is no better. Performed by Theory Of A Deadman, it features vocals that simply sound like they are sung in the wrong key with a heavy metal sound. The original should never be changed or touched again. Other than finally understanding what the lyrics are to Shelton Bejamin's Ain't No Stoppin' Me, I'm not sure how this new version improves on the original. It's slower, features terrible rapping by someone named Axel, and should've been left off of this set. Chris Jericho's Break The Walls Down also shouldn't be touched in it's current form. But they decided to try and improve on it and failed. It sounds more like a jam session of heavy metal guitarists trying to blow their amps out, than it sounds like a real song.

S.O.S., which is Kofi Kingston's theme is a wannabe Jamaican jam, with wannabe Bob Marley styled vocals. The instrumental is actually interesting, but also very close to the what Carlito's music sounds like. The song would be much better without the vocals. The ECW theme song is actually just the opposite. The vocals are actually great, but the music is way too similar to one of the versions of the Smackdown theme song. John Morrison's Ain't No Make Believe is just way corny.

The Celmatic

If you thought those were bad, these are worse. Mr. Kennedy's Turn Up The Trouble is a like a bad 80s rock song and not the type of theme song you'd give to one of your up and comers. I think I've heard this song before too. It was called Crank It Up and it was performed by Jimmy Hart. About 20 years ago. Take some rappers who no one knows, who take part of their name from a famous rap duo, give them the freedom to rap about something they don't really know about (wrestling) and you have Mark Henry's theme, The Wall, performed by Heat Mob. Is Mark Henry's nickname really "The Wall"? Last I remember, he was a tall wrestler in WCW who passed away a few years ago. I actually liked Candice Michelle's old music and thought it worked for her. That is, until they decided to try to make it a house song. There's nothing wrong with that, except, in her entrance she tries to dance to it and she can't keep up. I think she's stopped trying. What Love Is is the most overproduced song on the album and has the phrases "move your body" and "raise your hands up" littered throughout. Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder used to be the Major Brothers and are now Edge Heads, or whatever they're called now. They are basically Edge's cronies and they have the worst theme song. I think I've heard this one about 15 times over the years. The WWE is very much behind in the times on what kind of music style to copy these days. This song is very much in the Creed style, which worked, but in 2001. Get with the times guys.

This is a very generic release. I can't imagine it selling many copies at all. Maybe one day we'll get another John Cena song, or maybe they'll actually release Edge's music that he's been using for the last few years, which is actually great. Until then, they just need to stop releasing these albums.