"The Longest Yard" Maybe Unrealistic, but is a Huge Comedic relief!!

WARNING: My review includes plot details so you’ve been warned…

I am a student at Central Community High School and any comments made will be taken into consideration and would be GREATLY appreciated!

Have you ever had an enemy that you wanted to get even with, but it seemed impossible to do. Well in “The Longest Yard” that is what Paul Crewe and the rest of the inmates are faced with. The guards beat the inmates and cause concentrated tension around the grounds. Football is their scapegoat and the legal way to get their chance for revenge.

A once outstanding quarterback in the NFL, Paul Crewe, is a guy who is now well known for his point shaving in the NFL. People have a sour taste left in their mouth after his last NFL game. Paul is now with Lena his girlfriend at her party at her house and he has to be pried out of her bed. Lena tells Paul to put on this stupid sailor outfit and he decided to lock her in the walk-in closet and take her Bentley for a spin (Lena forbids anyone touch her “baby”). He goes wild-drunk driving in her car and Lena reports the car stolen. It ends up Paul purposely wrecks it and that is a violation to his probation from Point shaving so to prison he goes. Warden Hazen, an avid football fan with a guard’s team looking for a championship, pulled strings to get Crewe in his establishment and forces him to help mold the team to make them winners again. The captain of the guards, Captain Knauer, also tries to keep him from the team he heads and doesn’t agree with the warden and tries everything to get him away from the team. Crewe meets the close crew that will soon be his new family. Caretaker, the hook-up man, and the gang will soon be the future team to attempt to take down the guards in the football game that the warden sets up to give the guards team a practice game to make them look better. The wardens hopes may be getting out of hand the game is to be shown on national television and may not know what his team has coming for them.

The Longest Yard is a remake of the 1974 film headed by Bert Reynolds as Paul Crewe. The 1974 version was rated R and isn’t as blown out of proportion as the 2005 Peter Segal version. The 1974 version had a little more serious tone but the language was a little rougher. 2005 has a makeover with little language problems but some of the humor may not be for everyone. The music also was updated in the new movie to upbeat hip-hop style that fit the film well.

This remake movie had cast some very interesting characters. Adam Sandler, Paul Crewe, played the point shaving ex-underwear model from the NFL who was banned after his flubbing the game to escape bookies that wanted to kill him. Sandler brings a humor that is so brilliant to the screen, that even if you hate this movie I guarantee you keep watching to hear what he will say next. Due to his witty humor and one liners it will surely break that little smile out from deep inside. Also, funny man Chris Rock plays Caretaker a get it guy with all the connections you could ever want. He explains in the movie that his is a sidelines kind of guy because his on field athletic talent that doesn’t even flicker the least bit. Caretaker is involved in a critical part of this film and holds the key to whether they lose the game or they win. Tracey Morgan plays the role of MS. Tucker in this film, yes I typed that right MS. Tracey portrays a homosexual inmate who has a posse of he-she’s if you will, that have a crush on Paul and eventually become the cheerleaders at the big game. Its no wonder these three men have such a humorous quality due to their SNL background and other movies.

Then you got some whacked out characters, such as Cheeseburger Eddie, Terry Crews, who hooks people up with what other than Mc Donald’s in the desert. This was funny in the beginning but grew old throughout the movie; I mean you can only take so much of extremely unreal things like that.

The Old Paul Crewe from the 1974 film is now making an appearance in the new film as Nate Scarborough, the inmates coach. He is what Adam Sandler in the film calls “seasoned” and keeps on the sidelines with experience as a Heisman Trophy winner in his day. He help Paul get a more rounded roster and eventually a little might and fight behind the inmate’s team. Warden Hazen was played by James Cromwell. This is a character that is an avid football fan with a guard’s team looking for a championship. Hazen will do anything to get what he wants as you will be able to see at the big game to get what he wishes (a real jerk from the start).

The inmate’s team consisted of some familiar faces as well. Such as Big Tony who is an overweight, mouth stuffing fool who is sluggish but wants that chance to kick butt played by Joey Diaz. Joey Battle was played by Bill Goldberg a professional wrestler that plays a mellow but determined inmate wanting to get revenge as well. A great performance was projected on the big screen by the rapper from STL named Nelly. Nelly’s character Earl Megget roles with the rough street ball crew and decides to become the running back, who is extremely quick, due to Crewe’s basketball game with the rough group.

The guard’s roster was a little more impressive at first but looked weaker as the film progressed. The head guard, Captain Knauer played by William Fichtner, is selfish and jealous of Paul Crewe and wants no help from his. Even though the warden decides to use Crewe that meant Knauer was going to make Crewe’s stay there very brutal. Brian Bosworth, Guard Garner, was on the team as well as Kevin Nash, Guard Engelhart, a steroid popping freak, who will experience many mood swings so watch out. Another professional wrestler was in this film but on the other side of the bars and that was Steve Austin.

Peter Segal, the director, defiantly kept this remake in my interest the majority of the time. It was humorous and did change from the first film by basically updating necessary things such as music and scenery. The plot has changed and varied from the previous Sandler films he directed in the past (50 First Dates, Anger Management) and that’s good.

“The Longest Yard” is an awesome film for older teens and adults and has some language and ethnic humor so if that’s not alright with you beware. Recommended to anyone who will listen! Enjoy!!