Crouching Tiger, Leaping Yoda

I'm one of the few people who cannot separate "The Phantom Menace" from the first three "Star Wars" films, I honestly didn't think there was too much of a difference in the quality of those four films. However, even I have to admit that George Lucas has made a bit of a misstep with this, the second film in the new trilogy. And if he's not careful, as much as it pains me to say it, he's going to have Peter Jackson breathing down his neck if the final film is not up to snuff.

Plot: (WARNING: SPOILERS INEVITABLE (BLAH, BLAH)
While a separatist Jedi (played by the always welcome Christopher Lee) is building an army of 'cloners' for his own sinister means, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) is growing into a rather unstable young man. His mother is MIA, his mentor Obi-Wan (Ewan McGregor) is a total drag, he's training to be a Jedi despite knowing that he's already very powerful, AND the girl of his dreams, Padme Amidala (Portman, the character is now merely a Senator) won't reciprocate the strong feelings he has for her, despite saving her life from a nasty centipede thingie. What's a future evil dictator to do? (Hey, relax Darth, at least you're not a struggling artist...)

Admittedly this is only ever-so slightly worse than the previous Star Wars films, and what Lucas gets right, he absolutely gets it right. The film is a visual wonder to behold, with some of the most gorgeous scenery you're ever likely to see, and the requisite special FX creature creations. Speaking of which, that CGI punching bag Jar-Jar Binks is back, but only minimally, and his role in the political conspiracy stuff will be of great amusement to those who couldn't stand the Rastafarian Stepin Fetchit. The CGI Yoda, however, is clearly the most impressive thing in the film. His light saber duel with Christopher Lee's Count Dracula...er...Dooku (not as impressive as his Saruman, but why gripe?) is at once the most audacious, invigorating and supremely silly action scene to come along in quite a while. There's also a great "Gladiator"-style colosseum fight involving a mass of Jedis, including The Man, Sam Jackson, who, purple saber in check, gets a little more to do here. Even Ewan McGregor gets more to do here, as he runs off on his own investigation of this conspiracy ting that has him going off to a rainy, gloomy planet and squaring off against an intimidating Bounty Hunter named Jango Fett (the impressive Temuera Morrison), who has a perpetually scowling son named Boba, and of course, the turncoat Count Dooku. These scenes are both intriguing and original, the planet the Clones are being built on, is something that has yet to be seen before, at least in a Star Wars film, and makes for quite a surprise

Unfortunately, the film has problems in the dialogue, acting and romance department. And sadly, there are only four people who can be blamed. Firstly, Lucas and co-writer Jonathan Hales should be taken out and shot for writing some of the worst romantic dialogue in cinematic history, with lines like 'Sand is coarse and rough...not like you..'. Ugh! For the most part, the breathtaking scenery behind the actors at least makes these scenes easy on the eyes, and John Williams' sweeping score might be enough to take your mind off what the actors are saying. Portman herself is also easy on the eyes, but she seems rather bored this time around, delivering her lines rather flatly. As for the most difficult role in the film, Hayden Christensen certainly has that intimidating stare down pat, and is quite intense, but let's just say he doesn't do ANGRY very well, with one dark scene likely to have you rolling over with laughter. The duo also have zero chemistry. But, hey, were the original trilogy full of literary genius? Was Carrie Fisher ever really that good an actress? Keep that in mind, folks, when you savage the current trilogy.

All of this makes it seem like I didn't enjoy the film all that much, but I still say that the film was one of the three best films of the year...but given that the other Star Wars films are among my 15 or so favourite films, it's a pretty large gap in that context. When it's good, it's unbeatable, a truly great thrill ride, warts and all, more than worthwhile if only to see Yoda kick Dracula's butt! (Or hear a seriously confused C-3PO shout something like 'Die Rebel Scum!') I Can't emphasise that enough, the film might be disappointing compared to other Star Wars films, and indeed my above comments should be viewed in that context, but what George Lucas knows how to do (say, visual effects, rollicking adventure, themes of good and evil etc.) he does better than almost any other filmmaker. Maybe he just needs to learn one or two new tricks as well, like dialogue.