Usually, I’m the kind of guy that will spring for the few extra bucks when buying electronics of any kind. You get what you pay for and if you want quality... well, it costs money.
Usually I do my homework.
Usually I don’t just pick up something on a whim.
... and rarely... very rarely do I have to return something.
This is a story about what happens on those rare occasions when all the above statements are false.
Just recently, Mrs. Shmoo ran our office chair over my favorite set of headphones and snapped one of the arms in half just above the ear piece. I can’t really fault her for it, since I was the one who left them on the floor by the computer. I mean, my bad... no sense getting all over her about it.
Plus, she’s pregnant and emotional and suffering from a cold so it really was wiser (and safer) for me just to suck it up and go buy her some pork flavored ice cream.
It’s OK hon, I’ll be in the garage for the next six months if you need me.
But, I loved those earphones.
I use them (primarily) for two reasons.
1) When I’m on the computer, working from home and scrolling through the database, I like to listen to my tunes (my computer is my main stereo system). This way, Mrs. Shmoo doesn’t have to listen along.
2) If I want to plug in a movie with heavy special effects and crank it through the stratosphere and again, Mrs. Shmoo doesn’t have to listen along.
I'm sure you notice a pattern here. I escape and my wife allows me to.
The cord was almost 16 feet long, the ear coverings were large and very comfortable and the sound was exceptional. Also, it had a volume control button and mute switch on the chord. I can’t wear them in public unless I want to look like Hugo from Lost (not that I’m a five hundred pound Spanish dude with wacky hair) but still... God... how I miss them.
Anyway, I’m reminiscing and I need to move on.
After looking around casually, I spotted a pair of
Sony MDR XD100 at my local Superstore. The price was just over 30 bucks and I figured
“What the heck, they look cool enough. Really, how badly can someone screw up a pair of headphones?”
Turns out lots.
The PROS:
1) 11 and a half foot chord
2) Unimatch Gold Plug in Adaptor
3)...seriously, I’m thinking...
The CONS:
1) THE SOUND QUALITY:
... horrible. I mean truly horrible. Look, I’m not an epicure of sound or anything. I don’t go on sound hearing tours through Napa Valley, nor do I refer to my eardrum as something ostentatious like a
Palette; I simply know what sounds good. These head phones lacked any richness that my music had. It was the difference between throwing on a CD with a little extra base tweaked and listening to the radio. My music had become dull and lifeless
2) The VOLUME:
When I listen to my music, I want to be able to turn it as loud as I choose. I
DON’T want my earphones to max out unless blood starts coming from my ears. Listening to loud music is my right. Sometimes I want it a bit louder than is probably good for me. I went to turn my stereo up and realized (much to my surprise) that my speakers were already on MAX. I’ve never listened to anything on MAX on my system. The sound that was coming through the earphones was “comfortable”
3) THE CHORD:
While the extension cord is over eleven feet long, it’s also stiff, cheap and rubbery.
4) ESTHETICS:
Huge, cumbersome and un-pretty. While this style and look doesn't bother me since I always wear them indoors, it certainly can't be called a Pro.
5) COMFORT:
OK, there are actually so many things wrong here I had to subdivide.
The Headset- Is hard and brittle plastic. The top of the head set flattens out so that it sits directly on your skull. It gets pretty uncomfortable after a while. Yes, I can use the side ratchet arms to elongate the head set, but then the ear phones slip down to my jawline and my ears aren’t on my jawline, they are on the sides of my head like almost everyone else.
The top of the headset is a good three and a half to four inches in width. As I have already mentioned, it’s also made of hard brittle plastic. When I have to answer the phone, or talk to my wife, or concentrate with out music for a period of time, I slip the headset around my neck. I don’t think I’m unique here.
My neck is three inches from the top of my back to the base of my skull (I just measured).
I hope you see where I’m going here with this.
It’s
EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE TO WEAR THESE AROUND YOUR NECK unless you have a neck that’s six inches long or more.
I can only assume that these earphones are a big crowd pleaser with the
Padung Women Of Thailand.
The Headphones- I have average sized ears. These earphones don’t fit in any way. They are too small in circumference and too shallow in depth. They rub the tops and bottoms of my ears. To make matters worse, the Urethane Leather ear coverings are crispy and cheap feeling. There is no softness to them and none of that “cushy” comfort that larger earphones should have.
I would just like to take a moment to say that I am in no way malformed. While my head is slightly larger than average (seven and three quarters due to a substantial brain) it is also pretty symmetrical. Despite what others may argue, I am not an animal. I am a human being.
I’ve never experienced a worse set of headphones. The ones that came with my IPOD are better.
What really gets my knickers in a twist is the price. I originally paid five bucks more for the headphones I loved so the quality difference shouldn’t be that substantial.
I returned these a day later.
Oh well, live and learn I guess. I have jotted down the make and model of my last, loved, pair of headphones and the next time I’m out looking for some bizarre food item to feed my wife I will shop around a bit and pick them up again.
...and thus The Shmoo, having finished his promised Triad O’ Crap, rode off in to the sunset with the intention of only reviewing things he truly enjoyed. Will the day return when he may have to pan another useless object? Perhaps, but until that day rears its nasty little head, our pleasant, blobby friend will think only happy thoughts and write happy words.
Happy Trails to you all.
♫
“Yippi Ki Yi Yo… git along little Shmooey” ♫
For more on the
Shmoo Triad O' Crap, please see:
Despite What I May Think Of Elmo (that little usurper), He Didn't Deserve THIS!!!
and
Maybe I'll Just Dress Her In Velcro And Stick Her To A Wall
