F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck F*ck

"Her womb is so polluted, I can't even have a f*cking little baby wit'er!"

-Tony Montana, on his wife

That right there, my little friends, is one of those brilliant and disturbing lines I've heard in a movie. Its brilliant because... I mean, this guy's ranting on about his wife and her coke addiction, and he's been married to her for a while, and there's no kid. And Tony wants a kid. And its disturbing because... a coke-polluted womb. Yeah...

Took me a while to see Scarface, it really did. I'd known about it for years, from a scene where in some movie, they show Montana on a television screen, saying, "Say hello to my little friend!" Classic stuff, yes. Somehow I remember him saying it a little differently on the television screen in the movie... but its all good.

This is a true classic. Perhaps not as much as "Godfather" or what have you, but damn, it is a classic. Its a remake of another classic, the 1932 version of Scarface, which has alcohol instead of coke. Still have to see that one, but since I find myself somewhat partial to old movies (I'm a big fan of Gone With the Wind, Metropolis, and The Wizard of Oz- seriously), I'm sure I'll like it too.

Pacino's really the shining part of this movie. Its hard to find actors so flexible- he's an Italian in all three Godfather movies, a Cuban here, and you have him in roles such as one of Satan's advocate dudes in Devil's Advocate, some detective in Insomnia, and you know, so on. The Italian/Cuban thing is what really gets me... but anyway, while when you look, he doesn't very much appear to be Cuban, his performance, and just the movie in general, wipes all of that out, and you don't really notice until someone like your mother points it out. He's great... just great.

One question- why the hell wasn't Steven Bauer an 80's sex symbol? I mean, the guy is attractive (supposing I don't have a penis), and he just has the look of that type of guy who you would see in men's catalogues, or on TV commercials, a guy who all of those girls would be saying "He's hot" about. What the hell happened? He just disappeared. And he's ugly now- he looks like Jim Carrey with wrinkles. Seriously.

Oh well. Perhaps all of the ladies thought that there was no hope since he seems to take a liking to Tony's sister Gina, played by the beautiful Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio...

"She beautiful, mon," -Manny (Bauer).
"No YOU STAY AWAY from'er, mon. She not for you!" -Tony

Tony. He's the man. That's the kind of attitude I take away with guys and my sister. 409 Citrus Dr., kids. Well, not that bad (that was inside joke to Scarface viewers).

Oliver Stone's one crazy man. He's the guy who wrote this flick, by the way, but his previous film was too much of a flop for them to let him direct it. The script is kinda brilliant- he took the original Scarface's plot, the rise and fall of an illegal-substance king, and tied it in with the 1980 Cuban refugees and replaced alcohol with cocaine. Its pretty smart, kids- just the Castro thing and all. "We don't WANT them! We don't NEED them!" Castro, crazy-@$$. Oh well. I bet he loves his kids.

And de Palma's direction is totally 80's, you kids. It has some neat shots, like during the infamous chainsaw scene, and Omar and the helicopter and what not, but the direction... its totally 80's. Reminded me a bit of Mystic River- there were times when they had happy music playing at really sad times. And it was happy 80's music, which you know, means it has those cheesy drums and those synthesized guitars, or whatever you would call them. Maybe it was a keyboard, I have no clue. But yeah, cheesy 80's music- and during this one after-mid-climax scene, they do a scroll of life, where you just see the success of your friendly protagonist as he makes a lot of cash. And the original soundtrack itself uses the same kinda stuff- but its actually good music, not so cheesy sounding.

Oh yeah, that one Michelle Pfeiffer girl... I had a friend who's last name was Pfeiffer... she's fine. Not anymore, but she was. On her performance, she kinda reminds me of Uma Therman with Trinity's attitude- like in that scene where Pacino pulls up in that Cadillac with the tiger seats. She talked just like Trinity. But in that restaurant scene where she leaves... that was a totally different side, my brothers. That was... all Michelle. It was moving, man. The whole restaurant scene, the polluted womb... one of the best scenes in film history. Truly.

Scarface's big shine, amongst many shines, the one color that pops out the most in your acid trip, is how chock-full it is with great dialogue. That womb line- awesome. Unbeatable, almost. Much of it is only good situationally, like Bauer's "Beetch. Lesbian!" which is just hilarious, but you know, the womb thing- that would work anywhere. Hell, if I'm ever a drug king, and my wife isn't having me a baby, and she's a terrible junkie wife, hell I'll use it. That'd be pretty horrible, but you know, I'm a drug king, I'm already pretty horrible. No, I'm not a drug king, but supposing I was... you dig. And then before that, he's talking about her, and he's like, "And who won't f*ck me, cuz she's in a coma." Horrible, man. But just crazy. The movie also sponsors some of the great cheesy lines used between teenagers nowadays and in bad movies, but its great since you KNOW its the original... such as, "Even if I were blind, desperate, starved and begging for it on a desert island, you'd be the last thing I'd ever f*ck." Or, "I'm not stoned. You're stoned!" Aw man, I've had so many women turn stuff like that on me in my life. Like I'll be arguing with them, and then I'll be like, "You're doing this and that," and then the only thing they can say is, "No YOU'RE doing this and THAT! Ha! YOU'RE PATHETIC, TOM! Look at you, you scum of the earth, and those ugly shoes you wear! THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW FULL OF SH*T YOU REALLY ARE!!!"

"Oh yeah? WELL YOUR WOMB IS SO F*CKIN' POLLUTED, YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE MY F*CKIN' CHILD!"

Rating: A-