Possibly the high water mark of late 20th century western technology

For some days now I've been mulling the astounding fact that the Epinions database includes 164 separate Dry Erase Marker products out there to be reviewed.

I admit it: I was woefully ignorant of the veritable cornucopia of Dry Erase Marker choices. A markerriffic bounty which, by the way, is sadly under-reviewed - of the 164 products, this is only the fourth review of any sort of Dry Erase Marker. At the same time, one of our competitors in the Office Supplies category, the “could this possibly be more boring” Tape section has fewer products(156) and eleven reviews already! There are 196 reviews of Denny’s Restaurant – can we all agree that that’s plenty? Hell, there are even four reviews of the 2000 Rolls Royce Silver Seraph.

Come on, marker users! Let’s get on the stick here… I’d review more markers if I could – for example, I’ve had my eye on that snazzy Sanford Expo Dry Erase Red Ink Bullet Tip marker, but the honest truth is, I haven’t used one yet – but I’m betting that someone out there has. Come on, give it up! Tell us about your experience!

I’ve always admired the Sanford Expo Dry Erase Marker Blue Ink Chisel Tip, though. This particular one has been kicking around in my office for as long as I can remember. The green one died a coward’s death only a month or two after I got it, but this blue one – whooeee, what a soldier! It just keeps going and going. Of course, I don’t abuse the thing – the only things written on my white board right now are a lame attempt at a floor plan of our master bedroom and the first 5 digits of someone’s telephone number.

In one of our conference rooms, we boast a complete set of these markers: blue, green, red, and yellow. The yellow one is just silly. No one can read it from further than 18 inches away. The red one tends to get kind of smashed up and streaky, mostly because it’s the one our excitable executives most commonly grab when making some sort of arm-waving protestation regarding sales margins. The green ones are unpopular, as they tend to start off strong, then abruptly run out of ink in mid-scrawl. Very annoying. But the blue ones are everyone’s favorites, and for good reason.

Color:
Neither navy, cerulean, nor denim, but rather a kind of robin’s egg on steroids sort of blue. A you-wish-the-sky-could-be-this-color blue. If a girl’s eyes were this color, you’d gaze into them and fall forever in love. Yet, paradoxically, sufficiently sober for most non-red-ink business presentations. Nice.

Consistency:
The dry erase marker wizards at Sanfords haven’t been snoozing. Oh no. They’ve concocted the ideal ink consistency for these markers. It’s sufficiently opaque to be visible across the room, yet is still easily erased without leaving a ghostly reminder or smearing all over the board.

Odor:
Oh baby. None of those sissy "low odor" pens for me. Whatever this stuff is, it can’t possibly be good for me. But whoa. Sometimes I can get someone really into it, doing a “process flow diagram” or some “value stream mapping”, something that takes tons and tons of drawing and redrawing to get it right. By the end of the afternoon, the pen-wielder is experiencing a separate reality and most of the audience has the munchies.

Ergonomics:
Not lacking in any meaningful way. This lightweight, streamlined baby is made for marking, and mark you shall. The color-coded cap fits neatly into a recessed hole in the top of the barrel, making it easy to keep cap and pen together during critical whiteboard skull sessions. The cap securely snaps home with a satisfying click when you’re finished drawing stuff. And you can rest assured that when the time comes to use your marker once again, the blue one will be up to the challenge.

Conclusion:
We need more information on Dry Erase Markers. Hey, I’m a Sanford man – I make no bones about it. But I’d be fascinated to learn why some of you are equally committed to your Avery Dennisons or your Pentels. I urge each of you (that should, in about six weeks, amount to about a dozen or so) to write your own Dry Erase Marker review.

Do it for the children.