Ridge Racer for DS

To the average gamer, if you mention Ridge Racer, they'll think of PlayStation. After all, the series has had 5 incarnations on PlayStation hardware, and has been a focus launch game of both the PlayStation and PS2. However, the series has had one incarnation on the Nintendo 64 - the aptly titled Ridge Racer 64. However, while the other RR games can claim to be at least average every time, the N64 incarnation is an utter disgrace to the series. Many different attributes share the blame for this atrocity, but when put together you get a horrible, horrible "racing" game that got away with it simply because the N64 had hardly any decent auto racers. If you're still playing on a Nintendo 64 and are looking for a racer, please, whatever you do, don't buy this waste of silicon and plastic, unless you like playing a game that's equal to coating yourself in gasoline and then lighting a match.

The Facts

Usually, Ridge Racer is a series by Namco. In the case of Ridge Racer 64, they handed the game over to Nintendo, who employed Nintendo Software Technology to handle the conversion and add in whatever new stuff they wanted. This is probably the reason for the ineptness of this game, as it seems NST has no clue how to make a auto racing game, arcade or not.

Anyway, RR64 has a few different gameplay modes if you can stomach the game - the Grand Prix mode, Car Attack, and Time Trials. Multiplayer (not that you'd ever want to reveal to your friends that you own this crap, they'd probably want you to dig up the NES to play some Rad Racer after seeing this) includes up to 4 player split-screen racing.

Grand Prix and Car Attack function essentially the same way - clear one sector of GP (classified by challenge, and reverse tracks), and you can do another part of Car Attack, until you clear everything. Not that you'll even want to bother clearing everything once you get later in the game, anyway. It doesn't help that there's a very limited track selection, like most RR games are handicapped with. After a while racing the same tracks, with different variations, can get old after a while - especially in this case.

The Playtest

Cripes, where do I begin. Ridge Racer 64's biggest atrocity falls in the department of computer intelligence. See, Nintendo created a fascinating new AI that almost rivals EA Sports' "Liquid AI" from Madden '98, entitled "Magnetic AI." Magnetic AI works like this - while you're racing along the track against computer cars, they have this magical gift of magnetically bumping against your car, even if it's a whole car-length away from you. Imagine seeing a car come across 4 lanes of traffic on a freeway...in a millisecond. That's Magnetic AI folks. It also shows when following other cars, as they take chicanes like they were Anakin Skywalker on a pod-racer - only this isn't Episode I Racer, this is Ridge Racer. It wouldn't be so bad if you could do it yourself, but while you have to carefully navigate, and the computer cars are passing and using their magnets to knock you out of the race, it gets pathetic.

Ridge Racer 64 also employs a special "Bump & Run" AI. In this, hitting a computer car in any fashion will give them a friendly nudge - which speeds them up and slows you down. This is cool, I suppose, as it is an arcade racer - but see, if you get smacked like this, you don't get the burst of speed - no, the magnets on the other cars will slow you down while they smack off your side and get a burst of speed. Consistency, anyone?

My favorite part though, is how the computer cars have magical handling abilities. Now, the control isn't all that bad, mind you - the drifting tactics are Ridge Racer classic, and I've played so many RR games that I'm used to how it handles. But imagine going around a tough turn, making the perfect powerslide around and keeping a high speed, then getting not only passed, but completely blown off the track - by perhaps the same damn car you're driving. Now, imagine a desire to make a Ridge Racer mod called Grand Theft Racer and wishing to do a drive-by on these freaking bastards.

Simply put, this game is broken, to pieces, like a glass vase being run over by a fully loaded semi-truck. It deceives you too - early in the game, we get a perfect balance of tough, but not cheap AI. By the time we get into the "Expert" racing level, the game takes a turn for the ridiculous, as noted here. Challenging games are one thing - I enjoy challenging racers that test my ability to drive the car, and navigate the track. I do not enjoy mastering a track, and knowing how to perfectly handle a car, yet wind up playing bumper cars with magnets and WWF style tactics. I honestly don't find one single redeeming value with Ridge Racer 64, outside of being able to get a couple bucks for it at EB. Compared to other Ridge Racers, RR64 takes the series back to the neanderthal days, and makes Pole Position's wacky gameplay seem like Gran Turismo. I know the 64 was lacking of decent racers not named Mario Kart or F-Zero, but this game is an embarrassment to racing games and racing gamers.

The Looks

Today, Ridge Racer 64 is not really a looker, thanks to the fact that it's a bit old, and we have brand new consoles to play on. However, for its time it looked pretty good, if not great. There's plenty of the N64's famous fog, especially in multiplayer. Single player isn't so bad - but the game is quite blurry, making it tough to see the track at times; night races specifically. The cars look okay, and on the whole it's on par with the PlayStation game that came out about the same time, that being Ridge Racer Type 4. It doesn't make use of the N64 Expansion Pak, so there won't be any updates to the game visually if you have one - what you see is what you get.

The Sounds
Musically, RR64 is loaded with sleepy, boring, lifeless techno, with a couple decent musical scores mixed in somewhere. Since it's cartridge based, the music isn't as strong as past RR games, nor can you swap the game for a soundtrack like the PlayStation versions could if you knew the trick.

As always for Ridge Racer, the lamer announcer makes a return, to call the action and generally annoy you. However, he's nowhere near as bad as the Ridge City FM DJ in Ridge Racer 5 on PS2. Still annoying though. The rest of the sounds are generic engine noises and the sounds of tires screeching around turns - nothing that really stands out, nor is it expected given the arcade nature of the game.

The Bottom Line

Without question, this is the absolute worst Ridge Racer game ever made. It's not even close. For whatever reason, this one has avoided many negative opinions, which is baffling because this game is an insult on so many levels. The control of the game is fine, but the rest of it is a disgrace to racing, and really, this game should have never been released. There's a reason why Nintendo sticks to Mario Kart - it's because they can't make a decent auto racing game to save themselves.

This review of this pitiful video game is part of the I Can't Believe What People Think About This! write-off, hosted by...uh...me. Anyway, here's the list of those entered into this event, besides me.

Rock On | Jeremy1456 | thegeniusx | StarSoldier1 |DrDevience | bigd99999 | jello77 | yourcloud

Crashers are more than welcome, so don't sing it, bring it!