My Absolute Favorite Movie! (Elevdado: Six Degrees of the Eighties Write-Off)

The Princess Bride is my favorite movie of all time. And now, with the “Elevdado: Six Degrees of the Eighties Write-Off,” I finally have a decent excuse to write an epinion that does it justice. You see, I have actually reviewed this movie before, on October 20, 2000, my second day as an epinionator. I don’t mind telling you that everything I wrote before December of that year was pure, unadulterated crap. Even after a December 2 rewrite, the article lacked analysis to any meaningful degree. So, just today, I deleted that article, cannibalized it for useable parts, and came up with a fitting tribute to this latter-day fairy tale.

The story begins with The Grandson (Fred Savage [The Wonder Years, Working]) sick in bed, unable to go to school. His Grandfather (Peter Falk [Columbo, Murder by Death] arrives to read him his (The Grandfather’s) favorite fairy tale, "The Princess Bride." That story begins with Buttercup (the ever-radiant Robin Wright, now Robin Wright Penn [Forrest Gump, Message in a Bottle]), a beautiful peasant girl, discovering that she is in love with Farm Boy (Cary Elwes [Robin Hood, Men in Tights, Twister]), whose real name is Westley. Tragically, when Westley sets of on a journey on the high seas to seek his fortune, his ship is captured by The Dread Pirate Roberts, who takes no prisoners. Then, five years later, Buttercup is chosen above all the other women of Florin to be the bride of Prince Humperdink (Chris Sarandon [that professor Elena had an affair with on Felicity]). But then she is kidnapped by a most unusual trio: Vizzini (Wallace Shawn [Clueless, My Dinner with André]), the ringleader; Fezzik (the late André the Giant, a popular pro-wrestler), the brute; and Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin [Chicago Hope, The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland]), the master swordsman. And then, quite improbably (though not quite inconceivably), the kidnappers find themselves pursued by a mysterious Man in Black.

I simply adore the characters in this movie, and the acting is amazing. Buttercup is strong-willed and fiercely independent. I have to admit that I do not find Robin Wright to be as amazing beautiful as Buttercup is supposed to be, but she is so good in this role that it doesn’t matter. Westley is a very fun character. He starts out gentle and simple, though smart, but an unexpected turn of events makes him bold and worldly. It’s a funny thing about Cary Elwes; he’s good-looking--I mean, really, very good-looking, but I never recognize him. I’ll see him in all kinds of other shows and movies, but I don’t know it’s him until the credits roll. My favorite character is Inigo Montoya, who has found the inner strength to confront the demons of his past. Mandy Patinkin does a great Castilian accent for this role, and his delivery is just perfect. Fezzik is a less central character. Although he’s not particularly developed, we see that he is dependable and a loyal friend. I think that Andre the Giant is Hungarian or something, because it can be tricky to figure out what he’s saying some of the time. But he’s just so darn loveable. It’s really quite a shame that he’s dead--apparently, it was a heart attack. Vizzini serves primarily as comic relief, a purpose that Wallace Shawn fulfills very well. Prince Humperdink (Don’t you love that name?!) and Count Tyrone Rugen (Christopher Guest [Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Best In Show--So, it’s this movie, and then nothing but mockumentaries?]) make a great pair of antagonists. Humperdink is manipulative and cowardly, while Rugen is sadistic and cowardly. Both men are also quite cruel and generally unpleasant. Also, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I could swear that there’s, you know, something going on between them.

The supporting characters are a delightful addition to the movie. Billy Crystal (When Harry Met Sally, Soap) and Carol Kane (Taxi, Myth [the running gag] in The Muppet Movie) portray Miracle Max and his shrewish (erm, loving, that is) wife Valerie, who provide assistance at a crucial juncture. The two actors are hilarious together and they really steal their scene. Also, the Grandfather and Grandson (Notice that they don’t get any other names.) make amusing commentary just whenever you're starting to get a little confused, or worried about the possible outcome. Peter Falk is a brilliant actor, and I once had a dream in which he appeared as Colombo. It’s amazing to see how young Fred Savage is here, since I remember him form a few years later on The Wonder Years. The Grandson goes through a cute development arc, starting out reluctant to hear a story of this genre, but warming up to is as the movie progresses. I like the story-within-a-story that is set up through these two characters, because it reflects the book (by William Gooldman) upon which the movie is based (It’s a good read; I recommend it.) Also fun is the Impwessive--I mean Impressive--Clergyman.

The costuming in this movie is fabulous (and I don’t use the F-word lightly)! There are queens and princesses in gowns, noblemen in pretentious finery, and an ugly old hag in a quintessential ugly old hag cloak. There are wonderful huge crowns, sleek black masks, not to mention colorful brocade for everyone. The music is also delightful. The main theme, “Storybook Love,” sets a good intimate tone during the romantic scenes. It has a gentle melody and is played on a mandolin or something like that. I really enjoyed this song, except for during the closing credits, when some god-awful vocals are added. I mean, just plain bad! This song didn’t need any words, so it shouldn’t have them. But it’s just the closing credits, so it’s not a big deal. There’s great music in just about every scene, used for many different purposes. In the first third of the movie, when Humperdink and Rugen (and their retinue) are tracking Buttercup’s kidnappers, the music is full of absurd flourishes that mock them rather than herald. The fight scenes and chase scenes are also enhanced by the soundtrack.

Oh, and speaking of action scenes: Wow! The fencing scene between Inigo and the Man in Black is the best display of swordplay I have ever seen in a movie (Although, granted, I haven’t really scene many movies that specifically focus on swordsmanship, like The Mask of Zorro or The Three Musketeers.). It features a wide variety of moves and styles, as well as witty repartée. The fight between the Man in Black and the ROUS is also great, with lots of creative moves as well as satisfying (but not graphic) violence. I mean, come on, what we all really want in a movie is a bit of violence, right? I also enjoy the scene where Inigo pursues Rugen through the castle, as well as their ensuing confrontation. It’s wonderful that this movie is able to incorporate great action scenes without being pulled into the narrow parameters of an action movie.

The writing is fantastic. Here are a few of my favorite quotes (The ones with asterisks are the ones that I work into daily conversations.):
”When I was your age, television was called books.”
*”As you wish.”
”Is this a kissing book?”
”We are but poor, lost circus performers.”
*”Anybody want a peanut?”*
”Those are the shrieking eels.”
”The Cliffs of Insanity!”
*”Inconceivable!”*
*”You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”*
”Do you always begin conversations this way?”
”There’s not a lot of money in revenge.”
”You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.” “You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.”
*”I am not left-handed.”*
”I didn’t have to miss.”
*”You mean you’ll put down your rock, and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?”*
”Rest well and dream of large women.”
”You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.”
”Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?” “Yes.” “Morons.”
*”Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”*
”I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”
”The Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.”
”Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
”Can you move at all?” “Move? You’re alive. If you want, I can fly.”
”Skip on to the fire swamp. That sounded good.”
”We’ll never survive.” “Nonsense! You’re only saying that because nobody ever has.”
”I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”
”I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts.”
*”No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.”*
*”Rodents of unusual size? I don’t think they exist.”*
*”We are men of action. Lies do not become us.”*
”Someone was looking for you.”
”The Pit of Despair. Don’t even think about trying to escape.”
*”Yes. You’re very smart. Shut up.”*
”Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.”
*”I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.”*
*”There will be blood tonight!”*
*”Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that. Not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break it. Not with a thousand swords.”*
*”With all dead, there’s usually only one thing that you can do…go through his clothes for loose change.”*
*”Have fun storming the castle.”*
*”Think it’ll work?” “It would take a miracle.”*
*”Mawwiage…mawwiage is what bwings us togevuh…today. Mawwiage. The bwessed awwangement. That dweam within a dweam…”*
”Oh, you mean this gate key?”
”Say ‘man and wife!’”
*”Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”*
”I think that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. How marvelous.”
”There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.”
*”Gently!”*
”I want my father back, you son of a bitch!”
*”To the death.” “No, to the pain.”*
”Make it as tight as you like.”
”I knew you were bluffing!”
”Whatever happens to us, I want him to live a long life, alone with his cowardice.”
”Have you ever considered piracy?”
”Maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.”

I have only a few complaints about The Princess Bride, and they’re really rather silly. First of all is the fact that Buttercup seems relatively unbothered by the eventual knowledge of what Westley has been up to for a good two years (You’ll understand after you see the movie). Also, near the end, Fezzik and Inigo inexplicably come into a fair amount of knowledge about Buttercup and Westley. I’ll concede that the aforementioned knowledge is vital to the advancement of the plot. Also, it took at least a half-dozen viewings of the movie before I even noticed the slight lack of continuity, so I guess that doesn’t even qualify as a real problem.

Because the movie takes place in a fantasy setting, it is not all that closely tied to the eighties, per se. However, the movie opens with The Grandson playing a baseball game on his Nintendo, as the electronic strains of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” wash over us. I actually remember that game. Man, it sucked. I mean, to this day, I don’t understand why kids love playing these sports-themed video games, when they could just go out and play sports! After all, it’s mostly jocks playing those video games, anyway, so we know they could do it if they wanted. It’s a societal disease, I tell you! Down with Virtual Reality! Up with Actual Reality! Erm, where was I? Oh, yeah, the eighties. Even though this movie was made in the eighties, it’s basically an escape therefrom. It’s easy to enjoy as such.

The Princess Bride is my favorite movie of all time. Even though other movies, like Requiem for a Dream may technically be “better,” this will still always be my favorite. It combines action, humor, and romance in a way that is totally unique, and I loved this movie from the first time I saw it. I have yet to meet anyone who dislikes this movie, only a few unfortunate souls who have never seen it. If you are in the latter category, please don’t let yourself stay there!

Well, the guidelines for the write-off now encourage me to connect this movie to Kevin Bacon. Okay, easy one. Billy Crystal stars with Julia Roberts in America’s Sweethearts, in theaters now, and Julia Roberts starred in 1990’s Flatliners with Kevin Bacon. Two degrees.

This has been my third entry in the “Elevdado: Six Degrees of the Eighties Write-Off” sponsored by levda and elvisdo. This is a three-part write-off; two weeks ago I wrote about an eighties sitcom, Who’s The Boss? (That review is at http://www.epinions.com/content_1925685380), and last week it was She’s So Unusual (http://www.epinions.com/content_35047771780), an eighties CD from Cyndi Lauper. Unbelievably, when I posted this yesterday, I was in such a rush that I actually forgot to explain how my three reviewed items tie into each other. Since I didn’t actually think about that when I chose these items, there’s really only one thing I can do: half-ass it! Okay, my ex-boyfriend Vince met Danny Pintauro (of Who’s The Boss?) at a gay club in New York City. Vince also marched in the New York City Gay Pride Parade in June, and so did Cyndi Lauper. Vince knows me, of course, and a girl named Heather Shulman, who used to be my babysitter, appeared in the play Sunday in the Park with George with Mandy Patinkin (from The Princess Bride). Um, so, yeah, they’re connected, all right?

The other participants are:

29th_Candidate * ainsleyjo * Bijou * bluehawq * brotherman * Caleo * Chris_Maverick * Dustygold * Elvisdo * Fez_Monkey * ggrimes1221 * levda * mattjoe * MuseMelpomene * orator * Phineaskc * repulsemonkey * rfr * Sloucho * st3on1ey1baby

Our beautiful write-off website can be found at http://www.geocities.com/elevdado.

Hope you enjoy!