Got Trotters?

Brothers Derek ("Del" or "Del-Boy") (David Jason of THE DARLING BUDS OF MAY) and Rodney (Nicholas Lyndhurst, who appeared in TV productions of HEIDI and ANNE OF AVONLEA--verify at YouTube!) live in the "Nelson Mandela House" tower block in Peckham, London with their granddad (Lennard Pearce). The 3 have been on their own for quite awhile, the brothers' mum having passed away when Rodney was "a little nipper" and their father bolting sometime after that. They make their living out of a 3-wheel van, selling anything they can get their hands on: porcelain cat statues that play "How Much is That Doggie in the Window?"; pretty little baby dolls that talk like Bugs Bunny; briefcases that are so secure that the keys are already locked inside them! Both brothers are single and looking (Rodney is 20-something; Del is 30-something); Granddad contents himself with watching his 2 TV sets (the third's out being fixed) once the housework is done.

The DVD isn't rated, but when these episodes aired on my PBS station, they were usually rated TVPG.

SEASON ONE (original airdates September 8-December 28, 1981)

1. "Big Brother": As we join the world of "Trotters, Independent Traders" already in progress, Rodney is thinking he should get a more secure job than "trying to flog dodgy gear" (sell the various merchandise Del acquires in various ways). This is the one with the super-secure briefcases.

2. "Go West Young Man": Rodney's feeling depressed since a girl dumped him for his friend Mickey Pearce (Patrick Murray), so he and Del go nightclubbing "up west" in a Jaguar they're keeping hidden for Del's friend "Boycie" (John Challis). Featuring club mix versions of "Car Wash" (Rose Royce) and "Use it Up Wear it Out" (Odyssey), and I always thought one of the girls they meet looked like Susan Tully (Michelle Fowler of EASTENDERS). (Del: "What broke you 2 up?" Rodney: "I found out he was dating Monica." Del: "No, not you and Mickey bloody Pearce, you and the fat bird!")

3. "Cash and Curry": What happens when scammers get scammed? Del and Rodney have a neck-breaking time finding out, after a "chance" encounter. (Rodney [breathlessly rushing into a curry house]: "Granddad said you'd been kidnapped by Indians!")

4. "The Second Time Around": Del runs into an old flame, Pauline (Jill Baker), who has since been married and widowed...a few times. They decide to give their relationship another try; they get engaged and Pauline moves into the flat with the 3 guys. The first time around, things ended so badly that Rodney and Granddad don't trust Pauline already; then hearing what she's been up to since makes things worse; and to top it off, Del won't listen to their warnings! Has Pauline just had bad luck with men, or is she a Black Widow? Either way, they can't let Del be her next victim. What can they do? ("Del: Back then, a teenage marriage broke up because the husband didn't like The Hollies.")

5. "A Slow Bus to Chingford": One of my favorites! Del's latest schemes are: getting Rodney a job as a night watchman--and while Rodney's working, Del will "take his part" with his latest girlfriend; and running bus tours around "Ethnic London." While they wait for the tourists to show up in response to the leaflets Del put Granddad in charge of distributing, Del reveals his ultimtit--I mean, ultimate dream. Contains Del's views on art and a taste of the stories he plans to tell tourists. (Del on the "Venus de Milo," which fits into his bus-tour scheme: "Who but the sick of mind would do a sculpture of a disabled person?")

6. "The Russians are Coming": Del obtains a substantial load of bricks and lead and the boys decide to build a bomb shelter on "Granddad's allotment" (a piece of rented land usually made into a garden). (Rodney: "We died 45 seconds ago." Del: "Oh well, not the end of the world, is it?" Rodney: "I thought that's exactly what it was!"... Del: "You've got a mind like a plain brown envelope!...I'll have a look at that when you're finished.")

7. "Christmas Crackers": Christmas at the Trotters' means a Baby-Jesus-dissing dinner carbonized AND undercooked by Granddad, and TV viewing that inspires the "boys" to go out and paint the town red and green. (Del: "Hunger strike? I remember the last time you went on hunger strike...That was 8 months ago. The missiles are still here...and so are you.")

SEASON TWO (original airdates October 21-December 30, 1982)

1. "The Long Legs of the Law": Del doesn't approve of Rodney's new girlfriend Sandra (Kate Saunders). Why? Is she a different race? Different religion? Too much older or younger? Nope, it's WAAAAAAY worse than that: she's in law enforcement, and if Rodney brings her home, "making the place presentable" means hiding their inventory just in case she recognizes stolen gear. (Del: "Say the wrong thing and they'll nick ya.")

2. "Ashes to Ashes": Alice, the grandmother of Del's friend "Trigger" (Roger Lloyd-Pack of THE VICAR OF DIBLEY series and the movie VANITY FAIR), dies and Del has designs on her treasures. Among them is the urn which contains the ashes of Trigger's granddad, Arthur. This creates a problem for Granddad Trotter, which becomes Del and Rodney's problem as well. BTW--check out the sign on their bathroom door. And with the information supplied, can you guess one of the malaprops Del drops in this episode? (Del: "That thing's just sucked up our urn!" Street Sweeper [Terry Duggan]: "Your Ern? Oh my God! What was he, a little kid [or kitten]?")

3. "Losing Streak": Del plays stratospheric-stakes poker with his frenemies, including Boycie. ("It's Ethi-opium mink; I've got a contact in Babylon. I'll pop one round. You ain't got a dog, have ya?")

4. "No Greater Love": The good news: Rodney's got another new girl. The bad news: She's not exactly a girl anymore; she's not exactly single; and her husband's not the nicest guy in the world, or in his current world of Parkhurst Prison. Oh wait, this just in--he's out! And he knows about Rodney! (Del: "Well, one day if you're really fed up with having knees in the middle of your legs, go and see him. But if you've grown attached to them, emigrate to Vietnam!")

5. "The Yellow Peril": Another favorite of mine. Del arranges for Granddad and Rodney to paint the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant after the owner gets a phone call from the health/safety inspector. Del can't be in on the job himself, but at first he won't tell the family what he's doing....until it becomes necessary. (Del: "What do you mean you thought I knew?! Do you think I'm 'physic' or something?!"--that's not my typo, it's just one of his countless verbal typos.)

6. "It Never Rains": It sure does, it's been raining all week! Del decides that it's time for a holiday. At first it's just Del and Rodney, but suddenly Granddad's going, too. The guys wonder if he'll cramp their style, but they think it'll be something simple like the girls they bring back to their room noticing his false teeth in a glass. Well, something does happen and it's a lot more serious...or is it? (Rodney: "Not so loud, you'll get us chucked out of 'ere!")

7. "A Touch of Glass": Del and Rodney assist a distressed damsel who happens to live in a "stately home." It's not long before Del hatches an "earner" (money-making scheme): cleaning the chandeliers in the ballroom. It's also not long before things go wrong. (Del: "Tell His Lordship to ring us up at home. Has he got our phone number?" Butler: "No." Del: "Good!" [They peel out at top speed.])

8. "Diamonds are For Heather": Del's ready to pop the question. Ahhh, a Christmastime marriage proposal, how romantic! Now the big question: is it meant to be? (Del: "I'll have the pilau rice. Take the feathers out first.")

SEASON THREE (original airdates November 10-December 25, 1983)

1. "Homesick": Can Rodney's new status get the family a better flat? It would be good for Granddad to live in a place with fewer stairs, especially since he's just had a health episode. Guest-starring Sandra Payne of WAITING FOR GOD; here, she actually refuses a drink! (Rodney: "Trigger, why do you always call me Dave?")

2. "Healthy Competition": Rodney tries again to strike forth on his own--well, with Mickey Pearce instead of Del. He soon learns why it's better to have Del on his side.(Del: "You just put in a £40 bid for an electric generator when you scratched your bum.")

3. "Friday the 14th": The Trotters have another try at "getting away from it all" on a weekend fishing trip in Devon. Featuring Christopher Malcolm (Saffron's dad, Justin, on ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS). (Del: "I don't know what possessed you to build a hotel next to a sewage plant anyway. It'll never get into the MICHELIN GUIDE!")

4. "Yesterday Never Comes": Del's latest acquisition brings into his life a posh gallery owner named Miranda Davenport (Juliet Hammond, who might remind you of Joanna Lumley) who's a wicked piece of work herself. He falls so hard for her that he gives her a treasured family heirloom as a birthday present--then catches her attempting to regift it, art-gallery-owner style. (Del: "You must remember! You were over there in the corner with Mum, having your nappy changed." Granddad: "How's he supposed to remember that? He'd've only been about 4." Rodney: "4?!")

5. "May the Force Be With You": Roy Slater (Jim Broadbent), Del's boyhood nemesis, now has a chance to get revenge on him LEGALLY! He thinks Del has something to do with stolen microwaves, but with help from his family, Del puts Roy on the trail of a giant Asian-Caucasian dwarf with an Afro, braces, wrinkles, and a hearing aid. (Granddad: "He nicked his own father?" Roy: "I had no choice. If there'd been a way of avoiding it, I would have. But his rear light was defective." Del: "He'd only borrowed the bike to go down to the fish shop.")

6. "Wanted": Out of the frying pan...It's Rodney's turn to be hunted down by The Law, and to learn that what you don't know can really freak you out--so much so that all the neighbors in your building get turned on! (Del: "Last night there were mobs of vigilantes roaming the streets chanting 'Lynch him! Lynch him!' I didn't think nothin' of it at the time...")

7. "Who's a Pretty Boy": Hopefully no canaries were harmed in the making of this episode, another one of my favorites. Del, Rodney, and Granddad do some "flat improvements" for their friend Denzil (Paul Barber) and his disapproving wife Corinne (Eva Mottley). Del expects Rodney and Granddad to do everything while he puts his feet up and makes a long-distance phone call--but Denzil and Corinne soon have more to worry about than the high phone bill. (Corinne: "When was the last time you saw a bride and groom cutting a jam sponge?")

8. "Thicker than Water": Could it be? Has Reg Trotter, the guys' father, returned after 18 years? Granddad's somewhat glad to see his son (Peter Woodthorpe), but Rodney's not so sure; Del is sure he ISN'T glad to see him. Why is he back? He must want something. Or need something...Altogether, he shakes up the Trotters' Christmas season. (Del: "You're a whodunnit."...Reg: "We've got a Lone Ranger in the family. I'd just like to know who the ol' Tonto was. If your mother was alive now, I'd kill her!")

Happy "Lovely Jubbly" viewing!