The Guinness Tribute, and I don't mean beer

Knix put together a write-off in honor of the never-will-be-forgotten talents of Alec Guinness. Participating in this, through a variety of his films, are the following (and I hope you will get a chance to look at them all): Andrew_Hicks, fdknight, redwolfoz, mangiotto, grouch, janesbit1, Stone7777, ZentropaJK, Brundledan, brando814, knix (thanks for inviting me), Donlee_Brussel, Curtis_Edmonds, bigjack, Macresarf1, lars_lindahl, ChrisJarmick, psychovant...

My addition to the Alec Guinness write off is this comical murder mystery that I became addicted to at the age of 10. I had rented and remember watching it at least six times that weekend and later bought it. I couldn’t stop laughing, or enjoying the wonderful mix of characters that interact, played by some of the best actors, including the illustrious Guinness as the blind butler Bensonmum. (As a side note, this isn’t the only film that Peter Sellers – who is also amazing – and Guinness were in together. They also played crime partners in The Ladykillers many years before.)

The long and short of the plot is that Lionel Twain (Truman Capote) is an eccentric millionaire who invites the best crime solvers worldwide, from Brussels to Japan to the United States, “to dinner and a murder”. Each detective has a heck of a time getting to the booby-trapped mansion. The bridge is shaky and someone runs out of gas, but not too many problems to run down the attention span. As they finally reach the joint, each pair of guests is accosted by a stone statue, the doorbell is a woman’s scream, and there are crime scene footsteps drawn on the front porch. As Wang quips “Twain has a macabre sense of humor” and it doesn’t end there.

As if a blind butler (deftly played I might add) isn’t enough, a cook that can’t read or speak or hear is added to the mix to keep this group on their toes. Of course, as you might expect, each of these intelligent and comical souls has had some sort of dealings with the eccentric Twain in the past, and that comes out in the long run. But with lines like “Conversation like television on honeymoon, unnecessary” by Peter Sellers performing an impeccable Chinese slouth impression, who could not be entertained? Not only is his accent so wonderful that Twain’s comments on his lack of articles hit a glorious comic note, but every sentence out of his mouth is a fortune cookie.

The dialogue and plot have a perfect mix of competition of egos and the imperative need to beat Mr. Twain. The pace begins at a good clip, with each detective noting something from their individual backgrounds, which saves their lives before dinner even begins. For instance, just as Charleston is about to move to sit across from his wife, in the traditional fashion, a sword falls upon his chair. Then Twain theatrically enters the picture in colored strobe light to childishly wage a million bucks against the reputations of these criminologists who have solved every case put before them. He is to be the greatest criminologist of all time, goshdarnit! At midnight someone will be found with twelve stab wounds in their back, the murderer is in that room at this very moment, and whomever solves the case will walk away rich, with all the book and film rights to boot!

Just then the butler is found dead, then his clothes are found without the body and vice versa. The maid turns out to be a dummy that can be taken apart and put into a box and there seems to be two of every room. They finally settle down to hold hands until the magic hour arrives, thinking that this way they can all be witnesses together. Midnight strikes, and not even a flicker of light or sound passes. But don’t breathe too deeply!

Just as the guests are about to calm because nobody has been murdered as Twain predicted, Twain comes in the dining room and falls on the floor, dead from knife wounds. They retire to the drawing room to accuse one another and their backstories emerge with aplomb and original detail. It turns out that they each had a motive to do away with Twain and that is what the emphasis stays on as responsibility for his death gets shoved around.

After this they retire to their bedrooms for the evening, where there are attempts made on their life. Since nobody can get any sleep since each may be fatally wounded, they check in at the office to meet with a seeing Bensonmum. Each has a story about who the murder is and cut each other off before the dough can be forked over. Each idea of how the murder took place is distinct in detail and humor. Guinness gets to do various impressions of the persons Twain is accused of being. He even gets to swap identities with one of the criminologists. The great talent in Guinness here is that each of these characterizations are subtle and distinct without becoming cartoonish or idiotic stereotypes.

I won’t give away the conclusion, which isn’t obvious if you have never seen the film, but it is more than worth watching. This stellar cast truly brings life to this fantastic piece of writing. Though the more recent 80’s film Clue almost captures the same energy and talent (Tim Curry is hilarious), this Neil Simon classic is virtually unbeatable for an afternoon of fun.