Slip-slidin' Away

I tried everything in my power to content myself with this lightweight, ostensibly convenient backpacker guitar. However, after twisting and gyrating myself into all range of awkward positions in an effort to comfortably play this frigging thing, I've come to the conclusion that despite it's gimmick of portability, this thing is as close to unplayable as a guitar can be. At first I thought I might be missing something, some crucial factor that would allow me to play with ease, you know, maybe fret a chord without a bout of slip-sliding and futile strap-fiddling all over the place. Possibly the most aggravating and infuriating thing is that you sometimes come maddeningly close to properly fretting a chord, like you've just about found that elusive position situated for strumming--before you feel any imminent success slipping literally from your fingers, and it all goes to hell, flip-flopping and slippity-slip-slopping into a completely ridiculous spectacle, irking you to do something regrettable, i.e. cracking the thing over your knee and tossing the smooth, lightweight menace into yon creek.

My brother and I have discussed this in bafflement. How could this thing have passed as suitable from a reputable guitar company? Maybe, being a backpacker guitar, they expect you to be stoned while playing it, relying on the hope that you might not realize that it has slipped from your hands and is lying nearby in the grass while you merrily strum at the air in the firelight.

The good news is that there is actually one single song that is fit to play on this little humdinger...

"...the nearer your destination the more you're slip-slidin' away... te na nanna ne nanna ne naaaa... oh, the closer you get to frettin' the more you're slip-slidin' away..."

Thank you folks, you've been a lovely audience. I'll be here all week.