Mario Hoops 3-On-3 for DS

Fusing game companies together is always fun to see, it's like watching the "If They Mated" segment on Late Night with Conan O' Brien. When word got out that Square-Enix and Nintendo were going to make a Final Fantasy game, many Nintendo gamers (I call them fanboys) looked at their watches first, said "hzzuuhh?!" and ran around their house, jumped on the couch, flipped on the TV, and said "I can't believe I missed 6 minutes of Survivor!"...Well, okay, this event was overlooked to say the least, but when Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles was released for the GameCube, many of these fanboys felt a sense of "glory," or whatever word makes them happy, as Final Fantasy had finally made it back to the "home team," the "cool guys."

Unfortunately, "FF:CC" flopped. It was just one of those games that critics hated but supporters forced themselves to like until they really did. I actually liked it, I played it for 20 hours. So, when I heard that Mario Hoops was being made by Square-Enix and Nintendo again, well, of course I knew I was missing something crazy on TV, but I was also confused and intrigued. I didn't look into it, a screenshot was enough, but it never quite left my mind. Mario has invaded so many sports, and I couldn't believe this one wasn't covered before. There never was any hype for this game, so it all escalated in the last month or so. When details leaked, we saw the control style, the graphics, the characters, the classic Mario-sports gameplay, and I, for one, was impressed.

Downplay it all you want for its September 11 release date, but I was personally anticipating it like a 9-year-old on the starting block for a swim meet. Of course, I never dive, I just like to pretend. I'm a little shy. When I got to EB Games, where you should never ever go to pre-order (even though that's how the workers keep their jobs), of course, it wasn't there. I knocked over the cheap display and ran away. I bought a smoothie in a sippie cup and forgot about it. The next day, I came back in, obviously with a mustache and sunglasses, and picked up the game. My tummy-flies were going ballistic at this point, must have been something I ate. No, no, I hadn't eaten anything, yet...(was it the Cheez-its?...) I brought the game home, opened the box while listening to the Snakes on a Plane theme (associating songs with good memories [and chewing gum] is fun), and did my traditional "pop-and-sniff". Those booklets smell so good.

I whipped out my q-tip collection, for extra touch-screen protection, and turned the game on. The icon for this game at the start-up screen is the classic 8-bit Mario holding a b-ball. Sweeet. For the second time, I saw the oh-so-righteous Square-Enix/Nintendo screen, and a high-pitched noise was let out as the menu screen popped up. Probably forgot to feed the dog. I immediately clicked "Practice," and learned how to play. The controls seemed fun and simple: tap the screen where you want to dribble. Tap the right side of the screen, the character bounces the ball on his right side, tap the left side, and, well you're going to have to be crazy-daring to do that. To move, simply press the d-pad (I didn't see this coming!), but if you dribble in the same direction quickly, you can go faster. To pass, stroke the touch screen left or right, or hold the L-button for up, down, and diagonals. To shoot, press the X button. Haha, just kidding, that would be mind-boggling. To shoot, stroke upwards on the touch screen. Stroking down makes the character stomp, then stroking left or right will make the character spin in that direction.

On defense, sliding up makes the character jump, about ten feet high, to block, goaltend (it's all legal ;)), and take out cheap dunkaroos. Cheap Dunkaroos = upset stomach (geddit...?). Downwards sliding is used to steal, or to ground-pound from the air. On some levels, you can actually slide, Mario64 style. Left and right on defense are for side-stepping, and holding the L-button while side-stepping changes character-control. There are some seriously awesome abilities called special shots, which are performed by tapping the screen in certain spots to create a symbol, dot-to-dot style. It feels like you're casting a spell, so hooray Square-Enix. Each character has their own move, for example, Mario uses a fireball, while Bowser Jr. uses his paintbrush. If you want to, you can also use the face buttons, but a lot of abilities are taken away, like special shots and dribbling wherever.

The graphics are some of the best on the DS, so great that the game might as well be on the GameCube. I didn't even think about the graphics at first, they were so good that I took them for granted. All of the special shots have wild particle effects, and every character has its own animation. Everything down to the many different b-balls look polished and uber cools. Okay, maybe the GameCube thing was a little much, but this could seriously pass as a PSP game (wait, seriously? I didn't agree to that). The controls flow very well, and offer more than using the buttons. My last three DS purchases have all worked to serving one purpose: proving that Nintendo's Wii will be awesome. Madden 07 used touch screen passing, which reinvented the game, for me. Star Fox used touch-flying as its only control scheme, and it went swimmingly. Now, Mario Hoops does the same by making you feel cool about you b-ball skills, without being able to hold a ball with one hand, or doing anything sweet in real life.

The sound effects are so detailed and deep that I'm actually worried about my speakers. I keep the volume up, because everything from the "oh no!" from characters to shoes hitting the pavement is loud and clear. All of the characters have their own mini-set of voice samples, especially the cool secret ones that you're going to have to find out about yourself. The theme song is my only complaint, it's stuck in my head, and I ran out of things to break. Everything else, though, from coin-collecting to slam-dunking, make the game shine.

To unlock things, which is the whole point of a Mario-sport game, there is only one thing to do: start a tourney. There are only three rounds, in four cups. Beating a cup guarantees a reward, but getting a "silver" or "gold" trophy (based on points), unlocks much cooler things. The scoring system is very appropriately unorthodox. Every shot in-front of the three-point-line is worth 20 points. Everywhere else is 30 points. If you collect coins, which are stored in question-mark squares on the ground, you can add to your score. 1 coin = 1 extra point. The highest score for a single shot is 120 points, and games usually reach 400 points, but again, if you dare to go higher, rewards are in order. You could take the easy route, steal the ball, run down the court and make a super dunk, or you could skillfully avoid the defense, collect coins, pass around, and finish it off with a 40 or so-point special shot. But, it's up to you, and it's great fun either way.

Unfortunately, Hoops won't just give you the unlockables. After the first three cups, and hopefully unlocking 3-9 things, the game gets a little tough. Stay away from your friends and family, and sharp objects when playing later levels of this game. When you start playing the first cup of the next difficulty mode, the computer actually starts to get a little smart, which is good, though, because the seemingly bad AI was starting to scare me, a little. Never fear, this is simply where the game truly begins. Eventually, the AI will have no mercy. From the very beginning, the computer will try to get the ball first, and if you get it, the computer will frantically swat at you, or run for an item, which are conveniently placed inside the same question-mark squares on the floor, and when a defender walks over it, a hopefully useful item pops into their hand. The items range from fake item boxes, bombs, shells, even to poisonous mushrooms and super stars. By the second and third cups in ther harder mode, you'll start feeling the "I'm ready to cry" feeling in your throat, and you'll start finding some new hatred for the skillful characters. It feels merciless and unfair, as the cpu player could be whooping you 283-104 with eight seconds left, and all you can do is run around and try to get as many coins as you can, and afterwards of course, the ball is swatted away and the game ends.

Obviously, practice makes perfect, and you will eventually overcome this. But mind over matter doesn't apply here. There is no way to say "I won't lose my cool", because this game will beat your virtual and figurative brains out. Sometimes it's no fun. Other times, it's fulfilling to finally break out and pound the cpu player 480-200, so, in the end, it evens out nicely. Besides, if good and bad never existed, we'd be pretty boring and live to be about 12. I just made that up now, don't take it to the bank or anything. If it's too frustrating, just go to exhibition mode and blow some smoke against a level 1-out-of-5 cpu player. It's great fun. They just stand there while you feverishly dribble over coin spots and make some "righteous" dunks (that's skateboard lingo).

The final mode of play is matchup, or multiplayer. If you only have one copy of the game, don't try multiplayer, unless you want to see who can dribble 100 times fastest. Basically, single-card multiplayer consists of two Mario Party minigames, and that's it. But, if you want to try multi-card, it's actually where I think the game shines the most. The cpu player has no feelings, so a game of basketball doesn't have its usual redeeming "in yo' face" quality. The cpu player will always own you, win or lose. So, playing against another person is great fun. If you have both mastered the skills in the game (which includes NOT being able to reject a dunk, I absolutely hate that), it should be a fun 400-point game. But, it's up to you, don't go crazy and try to get the "full experience" with your friends. One copy is good for now.

About those unlockables: Oh yeah, Square-Enix has a little suprise-treat for you, and yes, they brought enough for the whole class. Wait until you try the game and see the "entrance" for the unlockables to see what I mean. It's one of those great gaming moments, don't miss it.


Graphics-10
Gamplay-8
Sound-9
Replay Value-8
Reviewer's Curve-8