From the Sublime to the Truly Ridiculous

I’ve never been a serious fan of 80s serious pop music (an oxymoron if there ever was one). As someone who grew up in the 70s, the 80s was the decade when, like it or not, I had to become an adult. So most of that time was spent either going to law school or having a bone marrow transplant (true!) or practicing law or getting married and doing that other stuff that yuppies do and not having much time if any having any fun at all and I MEAN IT.

But that doesn’t me I didn’t spend a lot time in bars (at least before I got hitched). And it goes without saying that, when one spends a lot of time in bars, one can’t help but listen to a lot of music. Like it or not. Regardless of how bad the music was. Like a lot of what was produced in the 80s. So, it’s fair to say that, despite being a man of a certain age, I’ve heard enough of this stuff to comment upon it intelligently, so without further fanfare let us discuss Rhino’s seven-disk 80s compilationOhmigod: The 80s Pop Culture Box.

Some of you will immediately recognize this as being the cousin to Rhino’s earlier 70’s box set Have a Nice Decade: The 70’s Pop Culture Box (see my review at http://www.epinions.com/content_225019924100 ). Both sets give you a large smattering of pop hits from their respective decades on seven discs, nicely packaged in a hard cover box that includes an entertaining eighty or so page booklet that packs in a lot of information and trivia, even if it leaves the musicologist a bit shortchanged. The set’s main virtue is that, of the one-hundred and forty or so tunes here, there are some really good pop songs, even if few of them really arise to greatness.

The main defect, conversely, is that there is a LOT of dreck.

Comparing pop music in the 80s to the 70s is much like comparing the 70’s to the 60s: the production and engineering continued to improve significantly while the quality of the songs remains flat at best. That isn’t surprising given that this stuff is supposed to be sold to the twelve- to –twenty-year-old crowd, never a particularly sophisticated lot. In other words, that age bracket doesn’t buy a lot of Cole Porter or Mahler. On the other hand, neither do I, and a lot of three-chord music is of extremely high quality and even wit, so let’s take a deeper dive and see what we get here (see song list at end of review).

What first jumps off the page is that the collection consists of either one-off hits from one-hit wonders or more or less well-known songs from second-tier acts. There is nothing here from major artists such as Michael Jackson, Peter Gabriel, U2, REM, David Bowie, Madonna, Don Henley, or George Michael. (Almost certainly, royalty rates would have been too expensive.) In addition, it’s pretty much a white bread collection with little rap or urban music. Nor, with a couple of exceptions, is there much heavy metal or hair metal. It’s basically a bunch of stuff that you’ll hear on “Jack FM” (and somebody shoot the clown who thought up that concept) or a white chick 80’s greatest hit station.

The other thing that strikes one is that the collection is biased toward the first half of the decade. In fact, there are only nine songs in total from 1987 through 1989. What gives?

But beyond that, there is a lot of good music that almost justifies buying the collection. Important artists like Queen get their now unlistenable sports-arena cliché Another One Bites the Dust is showcased, while it’s a true treat to see Joe Jackson’s lovely piano driven Steppin’ Out make an appearance (the Night and Day album on which it appears is a superb exemplar of thoughtful, intelligent pop music and you should go buy it right now). Even though they were a band of studio hacks, Toto was occasionally capable of making quality music and their wonderful Africa (which curiously has nothing to do with Nelson Mandela or starving Ethiopian children) is included, as is the Pretenders spectacular Back on the Chain Gang and a more perfect three minute song was never recorded (love the allusions to Sam Cooke, too!).

There’s also a good hunk of good second-rate songs by second-rate bands and singers. The Cars Shake It Up, The Vapors great ode to self-abuse Turning Japanese, Greg Kihn’s great driving rocker Jeopardy (which is almost as good as the Weird Al Yankovic parody I Lost on Jeopardy, and the equally great Fabulous Thunderbirds rocker Tough Enough. There’s ten or fifteen tunes in this vein and you gotta love Devo’s proto math-rock number Whip It. Ditto to Tears For Fears' synth-pop Shout, which proves the beauty that can be created by the intelligent use of a synthesizer, even if the lyrics are utterly inane.

Accompanying these is a whole litany of Top 40ish hits by the usual suspects—Quarterflash, .38 Special, Madness, the Pointer Sisters doing I’m So Excited (if you worked out in a gym that included an aerobics club, you’ve heard that song so many times that it is seared into your cerebellum), the Eurhythmics, Human League, and the Stray Cats. All of this is listenable stuff, even if it doesn’t rise to the level of greatness.

On the other hand, there is a massive amount of dreck, which is nearly 50% of the collection. No one in the world ever wanted to hear, not even once, Styx performing the unadulterated disaster Mr. Roboto. Styx was a mediocre band at its best, even when it was selling out arenas in the 70s; this song is a chamber of horrors that pretty much tanked the band’s career. (Same with prog rock master Yes: how could the band that gave us Starship Trooper and Close to the Edge give us that rancid bit of whale dross called Owner of a Lonely Heart?)

Ditto for Billy Squier, Nena’s daft Ninety Nine Luft Balloons (an anti-Reagan diatribe, little did those ignorant German twinks know that it was Reagan and not the German anti-nuke left that would play the major role in knocking down the Berlin Wall), Taco’s Puttin’ on the Ritz (speaking of horrors, where is Amadeus?), and Foreigner’s pathetic I Want to Know What Love Is. The list goes on.

And I would rather emasculate myself than ever, and I mean ever, again listen to Bananarama perform Venus, which was a bad song when Dutch no-talents Shocking Blue first polluted the airwaves with it back in 1971 or so, and it hasn’t improved with age.

You get the picture. These seven CD’s contain about two CDs of solid music, two CD’s of stuff you can listen to once or twice a year, and three CD’s of music by which to commit suicide. Whether you want to cough up seven CDs of denario for four CDs of music is up to you.

Disc: 1
1. Whip It - Devo
2. Video Killed The Radio Star - The Buggles
3. Empire Strikes Back (Medley) - Meco
4. Another One Bites The Dust - Queen
5. Celebration - Kool & The Gang
6. The Breaks (Part 1) - Kurtis Blow
7. Let My Love Open The Door - Pete Townshend
8. Call Me - Blondie
9. Keep On Loving You - REO Speedwagon
10. Turning Japanese - The Vapors
11. Lost In Love - Air Supply
12. 9 To 5 - Dolly Parton
13. I Love A Rainy Night - Eddie Rabbit
14. Sailing - Christopher Cross
15. Just The Two Of Us - Grover Washington Jr. w/ Bill Withers
16. Cars - Gary Numan
17. Ah! Leah! - Donnie Iris
18. Sweetheart - Franke & The Knockouts
19. Shake It Up - The Cars
20. General Hospi-Tale - The Afternoon Delights
21. The Stroke - Billy Squier

Disc: 2
1. Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol
2. Working For The Weekend - Loverboy
3. Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield
4. Genius Of Love - Tom Tom Club
5. Centerfold - J. Geils Band
6. At This Moment - Billy & The Beaters
7. Harden My Heart - Quarterflash
8. Hold On Loosely - .38 Special
9. Theme From "Greatest American Hero" (Believe It Or Not) - Joey Scarbury
10. Take Off - Bob & Doug McKenzie
11. Super Freak (Part 1) - Rick James
12. 867-5309/Jenny - Tommy Tutone
13. Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes
14. Time - Alan Parsons Project
15. Gloria - Laura Branigan
16. Maneater - Daryl Hall & John Oates
17. The Theme From "Hill Street Blues" - Mike Post featuring Larry Carlton
18. Valley Girl - Frank Zappa
19. Da Da Da (I Don't Love You You Don't Love Me Aha Aha Aha) - Trio
20. You Dropped A Bomb On Me - The Gap Band
Disc: 3
1. Hungry Like The Wolf - Duran Duran
2. The Look Of Love (Part 1) - ABC
3. Tainted Love - Soft Cell
4. Rock This Town - Stray Cats
5. Lies - Thompson Twins
6. Words - Missing Persons
7. Don't You Want Me - The Human League
8. Love Plus One - Haircut One Hundred
9. Down Under - Men At Work
10. Steppin' Out - Joe Jackson
11. I Want Candy - Bow Wow Wow
12. Come On Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners
13. Mickey - Toni Basil
14. Twilight Zone - Golden Earring
15. You Should Hear How She Talks About You - Melissa Manchester
16. Key Largo - Bertie Higgins
17. Pac-Man Fever - Buckner & Garcia
18. Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler
19. Africa - Toto
20. Goodbye To You - Scandal
21. Puttin' On The Ritz - Taco

Disc: 4
1. Jeopardy - Greg Kihn Band
2. She Blinded Me With Science - Thomas Dolby
3. Electric Avenue - Eddy Grant
4. Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Eurythmics
5. Our House - Madness
6. The Salt In My Tears - Martin Briley
7. Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
8. Talking In Your Sleep - The Romantics
9. Major Tom (Coming Home) - Peter Schilling
10. Always Something There To Remind Me - Naked Eyes
11. In A Big Country - Big Country
12. One Thing Leads To Another - The Fixx
13. Der Kommissar - After The Fire
14. Suddenly Last Summer - The Motels
15. Karma Chameleon - Culture Club
16. Let's Go To Bed - The Cure
17. Too Shy - Kajagoogoo
18. Maniac - Michael Sembello
19. Sister Christian - Night Ranger
20. Cum On Feel The Noize - Quiet Riot


Disc: 5
1. Owner Of A Lonely Heart - Yes
2. Mr. Roboto - Styx
3. I'm So Excited - Pointer Sisters
4. Back On The Chain Gang - The Pretenders
5. I Want To Know What Love Is - Foreigner
6. Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart
7. Missing You - John Waite
8. 99 Luftballoons - Nena
9. Tenderness - General Public
10. They Don't Know - Tracey Ullman
11. Heaven - Bryan Adams
12. White Horse - Laid Back
13. Let The Music Play - Shannon
14. Let's Hear It For The Boy - Deniece Williams
15. Cool It Now - New Edition
16. Ghostbusters - Ray Parker Jr.
17. Footloose - Kenny Loggins
18. We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
19. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
20. The Glamorous Life - Sheila E.


Disc: 6
1. Obsession - Animotion
2. Shout - Tears For Fears
3. Take On Me - A-Ha
4. Don't You (Forget About Me) - Simple Minds
5. Walking On Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves
6. Voices Carry - 'Til Tuesday
7. Weird Science - Oingo Boingo
8. You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) - Dead Or Alive
9. "Miami Vice" Theme - Jan Hammer
10. Life In A Northern Town - The Dream Academy
11. Kyrie - Mr. Mister
12. Every Time You Go Away - Paul Young
13. We Built This City - Starship
14. St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion) - John Parr
15. Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer
16. Axel F - Harold Faltermeyer
17. Rhythm Of The Night - DeBarge
18. You Look Marvelous - Billy Crystal
19. Heartbeat - Don Jonhson
20. Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung


Disc: 7
1. Venus - Bananarama
2. Walk Like An Egyptian - Bangles
3. Paranoimia - The Art Of Noise w/ Max Headroom
4. If You Leave - Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark
5. Keep Your Hands To Yourself - Georgia Satellites
6. What You Need - INXS
7. Walk This Way - Run-D.M.C.
8. Rumors - Timex Social Club
9. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House
10. Holding Back The Years - Simply Red
11. I'll Be Loving You (Forever) - New Kids On The Block
12. Tuff Enuff - The Fabulous Thunderbirds
13. Since You've Been Gone - The Outfield
14. Only In My Dreams - Debbie Gibson
15. Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
16. La Bamba - Los Lobos
17. Wild, Wild West - The Escape Club
18. Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin
19. Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
20. Roam - The B-52's