One Kong To Rule Them All

And that it does.

This movie is so full of action that it feels like riding a roller coaster about 150 times. The moment they land on Skull Island it's time to fasten your seat belts.

It's 1930's depression in New York City and everyone is trying to get by. There are the hobo jungles. There are once proud people eating out of trash bins. There are people trying sell what they can to make money. Enter our struggling little actress, Ann Darrow(Naomi Watts). She just got kicked out of the vaudeville theater where she worked because they couldn't afford to pay anyone. Now she needs to comb the Big Apple for a job. She tries to get a part in Jack Driscoll's(Adrien Brody) play, he's a famous playwrite, but the promoter gives her an address to a strip joint claiming the play has already been cast. Disappointed she throws the paper down and walks on. She is sited across the street by a sleezy promoter, Carl Denham (Jack Black) who can't sell his films anywhere and is just as anxious to make a buck. He runs up to her promising that she will make it big in his next movie and away we go.

He hires a tramp steamer, The Venture, and tells the captain(Thomas Kretschmann) he is going to Singapore to shoot a jungle movie. He really has a map that goes to Skull Island where he wants to really go and see what can be found. He thinks that it will be great if he can bring back some cool shots of the island. He has heard all the stories about this place and thinks movie producers will think more of him if his movie has live action shots.

The tramp steamer is a piece of crap. As a matter of fact it rates somewhere between crap and rust bucket. The crew is just as crude. The cook shaves with their breakfast and the place is dirtier than Xavier Hollander's novels.

After fighting with the captain on going to Skull Island instead of Singapore the argument is finally settled when they come upon some heavy fog and a huge rock wall. The captain fights hard to steer clear of the rocks, but the ship finally stops hard against them. Luckily the damage isn't enough to total the ship and the group takes a life boat and sets sail to the shores.

Soon you will have to grab a hold of your chair arms and hold on because things won't let up until the credits roll. Now I know why they invented intermission which this movie had none of.

Everything on this island is giant. They come upon this giant wall with a stone city behind it and they think the place is deserted, but it's not. The inhabitants are mearly hiding. They take a special liking to the blond actress and think she'd make a great gift to whatever is behind that big gate. People do things for a reason, I have found. You can tell that even today. If they have a huge fence it's most likely because they are trying to keep something in or out. In this case, "out" wins by a landslide. So, Anne gets tied to two posts and gets a bunch of very ugly people to chant in her face. They put a tacky toothy necklace on her and then she is lifted high above the huge gate with her feet dangling. Soon she becomes a hamster for a huge gorilla. Enter Kong.

I'm telling you, if this movie had anymore action in it they would show it to narcoleptics. It sure woke me up. Giant ants. Giant centipedes. Giant leeches. Giant mesquitos. Giant grasshoppers. Giant roaches. Giant everything and the crew of the crappy ship have to fight all of this stuff. Some don't win against the onslaught, but some do and get to finish the movie. There are also tons of dinosaurs to give you a few jumps and giant spiders to boot. The special effects are done so well you can almost feel the stupid insects crawling on you. It also makes you want to check around you and make sure there isn't any in the theater with you.

I was very intrigued with this movie because I was aware of the failed attempt at a remake in 1976 with Jessica Lange. That one stunk worse than some of Kong's poo. This one was excellent. Unless I miss my guess, I didn't see anything at all wrong with it unless it was the endless amount of action that almost put me into a seizure. But it was still fun. I love a movie that doesn't have a dull moment or a lull in time.

The only thing I was wondering is if they could just go ahead and give Peter Jackson his Oscar now. He's going to get it anyway.

This movie also has a first. Andy Serkis plays two parts and both of his characters die. I don't think that's ever happened before in movie history.