Heavy Metal: F.A.K.K.2 for Windows

So, they went and made a game based on KISS. Now, to be fair to the hardcore KISS fans out there who are now bleeding from the ego at all the KISS-bashing reviews of this game, think about it: If any band was going to be thrown into a comic book or a computer game, wouldn't KISS be the most plausible choice? They have it all: The face paint. The 'leather demons from San Francisco' outfits. Sure, Marilyn Manson has all that and a pig with a saddle. But he also has breast implants, and the world isn't ready for a "Sandman" wannabe with a fake rack in the comic/game world. Giving KISS superpowers and enemies to slice through seems the most natural.

Anyway, on to the game itself. The game has you pick one of four characters, who are sort of like 'Avatars' for the four members of KISS. You pick one and play their section of the game, then move onto the next, etc. The first thing that struck me about this game is that it was really very pretty-looking. Say what you want about the 'Fourth Place Ain't Bad' Lithtech engine, but it shows itself off mightily in this game: The locations are well-detailed and do a good job of setting the environment up to look nice and convincing. The monsters are gruesome looking, the weapons operate in a nice eye-candy sort of way, and for you gore-fans, there are decent blood effects for when you're tearing through enemies. Graphically the game works out nice.

The first downside you're going to notice, though, are the controls. It's hard to explain exactly what's going on with them, but the word I'd use is 'slippery'. For example, there are parts of the game where you'll have to walk in a very precise manner: Upwards on a very narrow beam, for example. The problem is that the game doesn't make this task easy, and sliding off to the left or right can happen in an instant. The same thing goes for walking on ledges, another common problem in the game. Maybe these tight spots were made too narrow to navigate easily, but something about this seems to scream 'glitch' instead of 'difficult'. Either way, the controls don't work out to be as precise as they should be: Prepare to be frustrated.

The second downside is with the enemies. In a word, they're stupid. KISS relies on swamping you with hordes of monsters in order to hide this fact, and believe it or not that tactic works: The game quickly becomes unbearably hard, thanks to a combination of limited ammo and loads of spawns. If you enjoy a rough challenge, like playing other FPS games in the hardest mode setting, this may be up your alley if you don't mind the fact that it's not AI you're fighting, it's swarming. For the average FPS player, it's just going to be a pain in the ass. For the casual gamer, it won't be worth it, period.

As for the sound portion of the game, it's merely passable. Monsters sound like they should, but they don't really stand out as much. Everything makes a decent sound, from weapons to enemies, and that's as good as you'll get in the vast majority of FPS games anyway. Here's a surprise: The music isn't that good either. KISS songs are just sort of tossed into the game, and while that was enough for me, it's not going to be enough for a hardcore KISS fan. So if you're buying this game out of band-devotion, beware: What KISS fans want to hear and see has been sacrificed so as not to scare off everyone else.

Ultimately, unless you're an unbelievably die-hard KISS fan, don't bother with this game. Experienced gamers won't like it because the control is a little rough and the enemy AI is non-existent. The storyline isn't enough to hold someone's interest to the point that they'll deal with the gameplay downsides just to see more of it. And even most KISS fans aren't going to want to play it so much as buy it, keep it in it's original plastic, and set it on the mantle next to a portrait of Gene Simmons on velvet. Skip it; There are other games out there which do everything this game tried to do, and better.