Say what you will, but I love it.

For most movie addicts, there are several movies they can pinpoint as milestones; movies they saw when they were young, movies they saw when they weren't allowed to see them, and especially movies in which an assembly line of cardboard characters are systematically and brutally murdered. The Friday the 13th movies were as meaningful to my youth as Mad Magazine, baseball cards and peanut butter, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Although the F13 movies are almost universally loathed, some of them are damn effective movies. You simply cannot judge slasher/horror movies on the same scale as say, Amadeus. I judge a movie on ONE criteria: Does it accomplish what it set out to do? Well, I believe that Friday the 13th does that actually quite well. The sequels? Most of them are guilty pleasures; examples of a tired formula that you can still get a kick out of. Are they art? Probably not. Will they entertain fans of gore and nasty killings and breasts and bad acting? Oh, yes.

Even though the original Friday the 13th may not be as 'influential' as certain fans may think, it certainly can be considered a benchmark in the horror genre. (After all, F13 was just a bloodier and less creative Halloween.) We start out with a young hitchhiker who is on her way to Camp Crystal Lake. Through a short series of encounters with the locals, she learns that there have been numerous tragedies at the local camp. Oh, well. Off she goes. She doesn't make it to the camp and gets her throat slit instead.

Up at the camp, all the counselors are preparing for the summer, only they are often interrupted by things like knives through the chest or a spear through the back. To be honest, most of the movie shows very little imagination outside of the creative killings. But that's like complaining about the potatoes when you're given a huge steak. Most of the fun comes from wondering who will get it next, and how. Call me sick, but I like watching fictional people get slaughtered. If I wanted to watch real people get brutally killed, I'd watch the news. I prefer my murders fake.

I mean--Who hasn't seen a Friday the 13th movie and been shocked by a certain nasty killing? Can you honestly say you've NEVER made that chh-chhh--cha-chaaa sound from the music? Tell me you aren't secretly thrilled when those two nubile idiots, both better looking than you are, get done humping and then get their skulls crushed.

It would probably take 50 pages to explain exactly why people get off on such nasty and brutal stuff. Perhaps it's a tension release. Maybe through these types of movies we can reconfirm our own mortality and confront our fears of death. It seems pretty clear though: People like to see things in movies that they could never see in real life. I certainly hope I never have to see 8 teens brutally butchered in real life, but when Jason shows up again, count me in.

Is it well made? Not really. Any particular standout acting performances? No. Is the screenplay or direction particularly impressive? Nah. Does it deliver what it promises? Damn straight, and it has been inspiring filmmakers for 20 years now.

Hardcore Horror Stats:

Male Body Count: 5
Female Body Count: 5
Total: 10 (plus one unfortunate snake)

Gore Quotient:

Annie gets her throat slit: B-
Jack gets the arrow from under the bed: B+
Marcie and her brutally edited axe in the head: B+
The Decapitation finale: B+
Remaining Carnage: C+

Overall Gore Quotient: B