Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

When a friend of mine bought a shredder several years ago, I mocked him. There are medications for people who worry that the FBI sifts through their trash to steal old utility bills, I told him. Bored megalomaniacs may have been the target market for shredders in the early 90s, but times have changed. Another friend, one who's not paranoid, spent six months trying to clear her credit after someone stole credit card checks from her trash can. Let's call her Minnie. Over coffee recently, Minnie put it this way: I sleep better now that I shred those checks, and I'll never have to buy packing peanuts again.

Sold.

My Fellowes Manufacturing Powershred PS-77Cs Shredder arrived three days later.

Choosing Your Shredder

Old-fashioned shredders sliced paper into fettucine. That is, they made thin, flat, long shreds. There's nothing wrong with this, but Minnie advised me to buy a cross-cut shredder, which reduces paper to dust. It takes up a lot less space in the recycling bin than fettucine, and if you're really paranoid, it offers reassurance that a criminal with a really long attention span can't sift through the pile and piece the strips of your latest mortgage refinance offer back together.

I looked for a cross-cut shredder, but I didn't like the reviews. They may pulverize documents, but they seem to jam a lot more easily than the fettucine models. Luckily, I found a compromise-- the confetti cut. It's not quite dust, but the shreddings are thinner and shorter than fettucine-- a lot like tajarin.

Fellowes Manufacturing Powershred PS-77Cs Shredder

From the manufacturer:

Product Features

* SafeSense sensor stops shredding the instant paper is touched
* Can process CDs, small paperclips, credit cards and staples
* Shreds up to 12 sheets per pass, at a rate of 11 feet per minute
* 9" paper entry width; 7-gallon basket
* Creates confetti shreds; includes five-year warranty on cutter

Technical Details

* Color: Black/gray
* Maximum number of sheets: 12
* Number of speeds: One
* Cut: Confetti
* Shred size: 5/32" x 2"
* Recommended daily use: Up to 600 sheets
* Entry width: 9"
* Safety features: Interlock switch, SafeSense
* Can shred: CDs, small paperclips, credit cards, staples
* Auto start/stop: Yes
* Reverse: Yes
* Length: 15"
* Height: 20.25"
* Width: 11.25"
* Warranty: Five years
* In the box: Wastebasket, shredder, user's guide, warranty card

Out of the Box

The first thing I noticed about my new toy was its weight. The wastebasket weighs very little, but the shredder, which sits on top of the wastebasket assembly, is heavier than a bowling ball. The good news is that you only need to lift the shredder once; it's configured so that you can empty the wastebasket without ever moving the shredder.

Once I hoisted the shredder on to the wastebasket, set-up was a no-brainer. I removed the last of the packing materials, plugged the thing in, and shredded hundreds of pieces of paper. I'm not kidding. Hundreds. I'm a pack rat, so this was kind of cathartic, like a great big bonfire. First, I shredded all utility bill stubs from 1998-2005. Feeling empowered, I moved on to old bank statements and medical bills. If you save everything too, I'm here to tell you that you really don't need the service records on the car you sold ten years ago. Mine are now tajarin-shaped confetti.

The PS77-Cs handles stacks of 6-12 sheets of paper with ease, gobbling up typical 8.5 X 11 inch paper in about five seconds. So far, I have never experienced a jam with plain paper.

I don't even open credit card offers or "convenience checks" anymore-- I feed them straight into the shredder. This causes the occasional jam. I simply toggle the reverse switch a couple of times to dislodge the paper, turn the shredder back on, and the thick envelopes disappear forever. This shredder laughs at staples; it's like they're not even there.

The PS-77Cs has a separate entry slot for credit cards and compact discs. If you use CDs or DVDs to back-up data, this is a great feature. Don't want the wife to find your old porn? Shred it! Be warned, though: this is the loudest sound known to man. It's like chewing glass. No, it's louder than that.

On a typical day, I turn the shredder on in the morning to get rid of receipts from the previous day. The auto start/stop feature senses paper, and turns the motor off as soon as you're done. I usually leave the shredder on all day, but the motor only comes on if I feed something into it.

I have a five year old son who loves electronics, so this shredder's SafeSense feature was a major selling point. If fingers get anywhere near the shredder's entry points, shredding stops immediately. It's a nice feature, but I don't take any chances. Let me state the obvious: this is for home use, so take precautions you wouldn't need to take in the office. Keep it somewhere far from Junior's fingers and Fluffy's tongue.

Cleaning Out the Confetti

This is a snap. The 7-gallon wastebasket slides out easily. With regular use, it takes weeks to fill it up, but the initial documents-purge created something like 28 gallons of confetti. If the basket gets too full, the shredder stops working. You'll know before that happens, though-- there's a clear window near the top of the wastebasket.

Maintenance
Fellowes recommends that you oil the shredder every time you empty the wastebasket to keep the machine happy. They sell "Powershred® Shredder Lubricant" in 12 ounce bottles. It's available for less than $5 at office supply stores.

Final Thoughts

I'm very happy with my PS-77 Cs, but since I've only had it for two months, I can't speak to its durability. I'm very pleased with its ability to handle thick stacks of paper, and it's handled dozens of stacks in a row without overheating. If I have one complaint, it's the noise. During the day it's not so noticeable, but you can't use this machine if anyone anywhere in the house is asleep.

Then again, how often do you need to shred stuff at 3AM?

If you're in the market for a shredder for your home or small office, this is a very solid model. The manufacturer's list price is about $239,and it sells for $179 at places like Office Depot and Staples. I got a much better deal on mine at Amazon.com, where it's $98.99 with free "super saver shipping."

Go forth and shred. It feels great!