Donkey Kong 64: A Tribute To The MH Button.

The Great MH Button And Pav
I will admit, this review is going to start out about as off topic as possible. Hell, we all know that the MH button has nothing to do with Donkey Kong 64....Or does it? Well, in my weak attempt to justify this rant, I am going to say that Donkey Kong 64 is directly related to the Most Helpful rating. If I were to rate this game, I would rate a 10/10, 5 stars, top notch, or even most helpful.(End Pitiful Attempt) But, truthfully, I didn't really intend on writing a review tonight. And, I really didn't intend on a writing a review that would finish behind 3000 hatters, and produce 4 cents. But, just as I was about to cut off my left arm because of the writers block, I was hit with some horrifying news:

"To allow for new enhancements to the rating system the Most Helpful button will be removed from the rating module. Please watch the Member Center for updates on the new Rating System. "

"Ooohhhh, The Agony Of The Cruel World Of Epinions!", which is what you may have heard me say when I read that terrible news. I personally love the MH button. I strive every single time for just one, or maybe even multiple MH ratings. I invited the MH button over to my house last night for god sake! But, it appears that the good times that were shared between a button and I are now all but lost. I can recall the first time I ever recieved a MH rating, and even the first time that I recieved more MH's than anything other rating type. I loved the feeling. Everytime I would click onto one of my reviews and see a rating that started with M,(not to be confused with N or O) I felt like a little boy in a candy store. With the MH button, it was another Christmas(Chanukah, Kwanza, ect) every time I saw a single rating. But, again those times have now passed. Whether it be a cry to stop epinions from doing this, or a time of remembrence for a friggin button, I know not. All that I know is that I'm unhappy about the whole change. And the fact that only the advisors and CL's will be able to use it really makes me want to punch somebody in the face. Up to this point, I didn't know that I was too much of a dumb@$$ to use a button. So, hopefully one more, just one more time I will get a MH rating, and get that gleem in my eye for that one moment. But, there are over 200 reviews here, so in case that doesn't happen, I must say: "Farewell MH, we shared some good times, and some droughts, but most of all, you were good while you lasted." Now, onto the real review.

Pav And DK 64: I have to sit through another background session?
Truth be told, The Pav and DK64 really clashed one summer as part of a massive babysitting task. Here I was, with this one little boy, and all he wanted to do was see me beat DK on his Nintendo 64. I had already completed the game once on my own system, but that wasn't good enough. I was the game god to him, he believed that I could never lose. Everytime I lost a life, a gleam of fear showed up on his face. But, when I restarted once again, until I could no longer take it, the smile came back to his face. This lasted a lot of hours, over the course of an entire summer. Finally, about the same time that summer ended, I was able to "end" the game. So, you could say that I was playing this game against my own will. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't. But, I must say that it's not bad to get paid 6 bucks an hour for playing video games, and completing something that wasn't horrible. Anyway, the point of this background info is to show that this game is old, and that I know more about it than anyone that didn't help make it.

Storyline: 10/10-This is the reason why this is isn't "off topic".
To start this off, I must claim two things here. One, I love the work of Rare,(made this game) even if they do take forever to put something out. And two, the "don't reveal the plot" rule is pretty much thrown out the window when reviewing a game like this. Because I'll end up getting one non-member hit(from myself when I'm not signed in) and because everyone that has played this knows the storyline, and anyone that hasn't play it, won't. Off that though, you may remember a storyline very similar to this on various DK games for the SNES. King K. Rool is back and stronger than ever, and has once again done something terrible. Not only did he steal all of DK's golden banana's, but he also took and imprissioned 4 of DK's best friends.(I'll get to that later) But, he did this all as a means to bide him some time to do what he's really trying to do. And, as you go through your mission, get all of your friends, and some bananas, you will find exactly what that is.

Game Modes: 10/10-A Barrel O' Replay Value
I won't take all the time to really go through every game mode, but I must say that there is a lot to offer. This all starts with the main mode or adventure. As I once said, King K Rool is back to being a big bad guy,(Hey....quit dat!) and creating even more mischeif. Of course, in this mode, your whole objective is to stop his work. Throughout the course of this adventure mode, you'll collect Keys, Bananas, coins, and the like to try to bring down Rool and his goons. Plus, in your journey you will also have to free 4 of your friends that have fallen totally captive.(more on that later) But, if that isn't enough for you, you'll even meet up some classic characters from the game's past. Either way, if you like DK games and Rare, you'll absolutely go bananas for this mode.(That was a corny, pathetic attempt at a joke, I hit myself so you won't have to) I would say that you'll spend about 20 hours in this mode alone, but there's more time wasted in the mini games.

Of course, what great adventure game doesn't have a few good mini games? Not DK64, that's for sure. As a matter of fact, this game has one of the most extensive library of mini games that you've ever seen in a DK game, or any other Nintendo born adventure of its time. You start out with some favorites like a brawl in the ring where you can fight against anywhere from 1-3 other friends. And then you have other great games like a Kart style showdown. But, the best of these has to be the full multiplayer. This game resembles Goldeneye where you play on a split screen and fire at your foes. This should be expected though, because this game is made of Rare as well. I would say that all of these mini modes are great, but the best is the Goldeneye style multiplayer mode. Overall, expect another 15 hours or so from these modes. But, if that was all, I wouldn't need another paragraph would I?

My favorite of the mini games in this game though have to be the ones that are actually in game. For example, when in the factory level, you actually get a chance to go back and play the original DK for the arcade. Graphics, sounds, gameplay, and all. This is the full version of this game. But, what's great is that you can go back and play it however often you want. Although I wasn't even alive when the arcade game came out, I can just imagine the nostalgia that it brought back. DK when he was the bad guy, and the ugliest character in all video games. But, that's not the only mini game. You will also encounter an asteroids like game closer to the beginning of your mission. It was pretty cool also, but not quite as hard, or as fun. Overall, with game modes like this, you can expect 35-40 hours out of this game.

Keys, Bananas, and Coins
Not only does this game center around the concept of beating out Rool once again, but it also emphasises the worth of material things. Throughout the mission you will want to collect bananas, keys, and coins all for different reasons. You need bananas essentially so that you can get into the next level. For example, you may need 30 bananas in order to be able to enter level X. But, another main mission surrounds the aquiring of keys. After each boss that you face, you will be rewarded with a key. After that, you take it down to this big cave where a big lizard is being held captive. Basically, in order to beat the game, you must you free this big, babyish lizard. But, I'll leave the rest concerning him a secret. And, you'll also collect various coins. These coins can be used to buy new weapons, get new fighting stratagies, and even upgrade your musical instruments. Of course, I'll talk about these things next.

Old Friends, New Weapons
As I stated before, one great thing about this game is that all of your old friends are back. Cranky, the old monkey, is now back in your corner churnin' up some new concoctions that will improve you. He may give you the power to punch harder, or run faster, and all he wants is a few coins in return. Then, you have Funky Kong, who has quit the whole transportation business and has gone into weaponry. He supplies you with weapons such as pinapple guns, double blasters, and new and improved ammo. He also charges coins for his service. Finally, you have the sexy(if you're into monkeys) Candy Kong. She now sells musical instruments, such as drums or guitars for coins as well. You can use these instruments anywhere you see an icon corresponding to the right one. Then, something good will happen.(I'm glad I know that!) It might open up a door, or unlock a new part of a level, who knows. Overall, all of these characters are helpful, and fun to see again. But, that's not the entire supporting cast now, is it?

Your Friends: Do I have any?
I know that this may reveal a big part of the plot, but I really don't care. In this mission, you will find, and unlock 4 unlucky monkeys. First, you will unlock diddy kong. Diddy is a quick, smaller kong, who is able to use rocket packs to fly around, which is his coolest skill. After that, you'll unlock tiny kong. She is the smallest of all kongs, and is able to whirl around her hair, making her glide in the air for long periods of time. Even after that, you unlock lanky kong. Lanky has some long arms, and boy does he use them! Those big arms of his enable him to walk upside down, which proves to be a very helpful skill as the game rages on. Finally, you unlock chunky kong, who is a pretty much described by his name. Even though he is very slow, he is also very strong. Using his power punch will drop the strongest of the baddies like a bad habbit, and his strength is second to none.

Of course, I still intend on leaving you with some experience in this game. Each character is totally customized. Each of them has different skills, different weapons, and even different musical instruments. And this does at times make things hard to decipher. Luckily though, you can switch characters using character barrells all over each level. If you need to use Lanky, but have Diddy, just jump into a barrell and whip him out. If you need Tiny afterwords, you can just do it all over again. This of course, makes the game a full experience. Each character has their own color that corresponds with bananas, coins and the like. So, you can expect to spend a lot of time with each character, and of course, develop favorites. I personally like Diddy and Tiny, because they're fast and can do cool things, but of course you'll choose.

Enemies: This review is getting long
Because I might not make the deadline for submitting reviews if I don't go soon, I'm going to wrap up this portion of the review here. There are many differnet enemies in this game, but you'll want to kick all their butts just the same amount. You'll battle against giant crocodiles, bees, rodents, and many other reptiles. What's best though has to be the bosses. Each one is huge, and poses a bigger difficulty than the last one. You'll battle things like giant armadillos, big fish creatures, and of course, lizards. But, what's best about these things has to be that they're pretty darn exclusive. Some bosses may be for Diddy, others may be for Tiny, and a couple of them are for all 5 characters. Either way, none of the bosses are too tough, but all of them are fun to beat down. That's what a game like this is all about.

Graphics: 10(5)/10-If we didn't age, I'd still be turned on by my grandma's friends!
Of course, with the age of this game, it makes it very difficult to review it completely. So, I'll say that back in it's day, this game was "the feces". It's not nearly that good now, but I'll hold it up to the standards of it's time. For starters, each character looks very nice. Donkey is big and strong, Diddy is little, Lanky is ugly, Tiny is trendy(shoot me now for using that word) and chunky is well, chunky. Then of course, you have the bad guys, which look equally as impressive. The bees and little crocs look pretty good, but the bosses are just amazing. Big, bad, and even scary sometimes are what these baby's are. Plus, you gotta love a friggin bazooka hanging off the shoulder of one of the bosses. And everyone knows that with bazooka's comes nice explosions. And this game features plenty of those!

But what is(was) even more impressive about this game has to be it's great scenery. Moving water, trees swaying to and fro, and coloration to die for. The colors are as smooth as melted butter. Bright, lively, and beautiful. You have to love a game that is literally poetry in motion, and this is one of those. Also, the backgrounds of the levels are pretty stunning. You'll travel to the underwater, a desert, a castle, and even the beach. And everything just flows well. I love it when I can truly say that a game is polished, and this is the case. It would be no understatement to say that this game is one of the best looking N64 games ever made. It's right up their with Zelda64, and Zelda64 number 2. Pav thinks that if you like good graphics, you'll like this game right from the get-go.

Controls: 9/10-It's Mario Baby!
This is one game that I can say has Mario64 controls. The controls are smooth and responsive, and therefore are comparable to Mario64. Essentially, the controls here are pretty basic. You use A as the action button, the control stick for moving, the C-up button for aiming, Z and the C-left button for getting out a weapon, The B button for your skill moves, and the start button to access the menu. It sounds pretty complicated when I say it, but we all know that I'm a moron, so just trust me when I say it's good. Even better though, is that the camera angles give this game a good feel, and you pretty much always seem like you're in the right place. I never felt that I did something I didn't intend on doing, which is also very good. Lastly, these controls didn't take TOO long to learn. They are a little complex, but I would say that it'll take you 20 minutes max to be good to go. That is greatly in part to a pretty good in game tutorial system that keeps you on your feet.

Audio: 9(5)/10-DK, Donkey Kong Is Here!
The games audio is corney, yet respectable from the time you turn on the game to the time that you finish. You start out with a humorous little rap by DK and his gang, that you won't enjoy if you're a big rap fan, but you'll get a kick out of if you're not. From there on out, it's basically the same story. It's hard not to like the classic sounds of DK grunting and hitting his chest, and the sound of baddies falling to the ground. As usual though, the sounds are pretty much cartoonish. The background music is pretty upbeat, and even though it's not amazing, it sets the mood of the game. Of course, the couple of cutscenes that are in the game are very cartoonish also, but they are kind of humorous also. Don't really expect anything serious from this game, but you if you just sit along for the ride, you'll enjoy it.

Pav Says Goodbye To MH
Well, it's time for me to finish this review(Yay!) and it's also time for the MH rating to go.(Boooo!) But, all good things must come to end, and I'll be the first to say that I've enjoyed the ride. As for the game, if you read any of my review, you'll know that I thought it was excellent. If you still have an N64, and haven't played it before, you should shoot yourself in the foot, and then go out and buy the game on crutches. The graphics, gameplay, and replay value really headline a game that was put together very well from every standpoint. I give major props to Rare for thier work on this party in a box, and I greatly enjoyed my time with it. And remember, getting paid to play video games is better than paying to play them. Thanks for reading and putting up with my crap,
-Pav