Return of the Iceman Vs. Evil Ice Debate!

**announcer**

Hello, ladies and gentlemen... today we have with us, the return of Iceman and his counter-part, Evil Ice, in a debate about the movie Dogma. Of course, due to the actions of the aforementioned guests in the previous debate, we have taken the liberty of separating these two gentlemen with a large electrified fence.

**Evil Ice sneers**

Evil Ice: Yeah, wimp boy over there couldn't handle the heat...

**Iceman rolls his eyes**

**announcer**

Well, gents, what are your thoughts on the movie, how would you rate it?

Evil Ice: I think it sucked. For one, I just cannot BELIEVE how idiotic Azrael could be... a poop demon??? C'mon, I know there has gotta be a lot better evilmongers down from Hell that he could've picked up!

Iceman: I felt that the movie was very top-notch. It made me think a lot about religion; about beliefs; about morals. And, it was surprisingly funny too!

**Evil Ice snickers**

Evil Ice: Yeah, you'd think a dorky movie where the good guys win in the end would be good, ya pansy.

**announcer**

Gentlemen, gentlemen... restrain yourselves... Iceman, what would you say would be the most captivating character in the movie?

**Iceman thinks for a moment**

Iceman: I really couldn't say... all the members of the cast, from Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as the two fallen angels, Bartleby and Loki, to Chris Rock as the 13th apostle, to Alan Rickman, who stars as Metatron, the voice of God. I really enjoyed each of their viewpoints on religion; such as they were. Like Serendipity, for instance, insists that God is a woman, and points out several instances on how it could be possible that God IS a woman. Of course, Rufus, the 13th apostle, says that Jesus was black, and makes several good arguments to make that stand. The point is, this movie really made me think about religion, in a whole new light... no pun intended.

**Evil Ice snickers**

Iceman: Is there a problem?

Evil Ice: Yeah, you. First of all, I think those bug boys were wussies. They couldn't handle a fat boy and a loudmouth.... I know if I had my pick of secondary demons those two prophets wouldn't be able to stop me from killing that last scion. Second of all, that poop demon I wuz talkin' 'bout was LAME. C'mon, why not use BETTER manpower? Er, I mean, demonpower? I mean, the demon gets knocked out with a odor spray. Sheesh. Third of all--

**Iceman interrupts**

Iceman: Yeah well, it DID make for an interesting development ... the explanation given by Serendipity as to how the poop demon was formed seemed pretty plausible. I really liked how the whole movie was done; from start to finish. Certain aspects of religion, from views on abortion to faith to beliefs were brought up and talked about. I had to laugh at the irony that was dripping throughout the whole movie. For example, in the beginning, Loki, one of the fallen angels, talks to a nun about giving up the habit and LIVE... using the story about the carpenter and the walrus to say that there isn't a God. And yet... he KNOWS there's a God. He actually WITNESSED Him. This, and other bits of irony, really make the movie very enjoyable to watch.

**Evil Ice glares at Iceman across the fence**

Evil Ice: I, Evil Ice, for one, thought that it was kind of stupid, even though I cracked up at the holy bartender joke. I told that one to my evil friends and they all thought it was hilarious. But I cannot fathom how Azrael could be so STUPID. The guy knew that Serendipity is a muse; with the ability to suggest ideas to others.. so when she suggested to Silent Bob to use the golf club on him, he went ahead and LET him do it! Geez, a demon with BRAINS would've figured out that it WOULD hurt him, since Serendipity knew that it would hurt him, otherwise she wouldn't have made the suggestion! Dumb frickin' moron. And that over-blown scene in the aisle with the angels? PUH-LEEZE. The guy made it look so corny, actin' all exaggerated like that. "Keep a LOW profile." Cripes.

**announcer**

Ah, Evil Ice, but don't you think that you'd rather there was an earth for you to uh, at least, comment evil on?

**Evil Ice laughs his evil laugh**

Well, of course! I just felt that Azrael should've gone down, cuz I know I'd still like to be around, I just thought that he could've bought it in a sneakier way, that's all, not be a--

**Iceman interrupts**

Iceman: If they tried a sneakier way, it would take too long!

**Evil Ice glares again at Iceman**

Evil Ice: Interrupt me again, pansy boy, and I'm gonna...

**announcer**

Gents, please... Iceman, what did you garner from the movie?

**Iceman thinks for a few minutes and replies slowly**

Iceman: I always have believed in God... I just think that it's better to be happy that there IS a God... although I KNOW He isn't Alanis Morrissette.... **chuckles** that bit with her screaming to "kill" Bartleby was hilarious... but that's besides the point. I am just glad that there IS a God... and that we have a choice; to fear Him and to worship Him; and to celebrate Jesus, or not at all.... but I also believe that people around the world have their OWN beliefs as well; and it doesn't MATTER what they believe in; just so long that they believe.

**Evil Ice snickers, points at Iceman**

Evil Ice: I, Evil Ice, believe that I will be kickin' yer butt here soon... if ya don't shuddup with the dang philosophical mumbo-jumbo!!

**Iceman grins a nasty little smile back**

Iceman: Yea, like I kicked YOUR butt last time? Anyway, folks, the entire movie was very enjoyable; great comedy, plus great acting, and it will definitely make you think too.... and of course, it is only a movie. No need to be offended by it, like Evil Wimp over there.

**Evil Ice stands up suddenly, grabs his chair and glowers**

Evil Ice: Ice boy, if there wasn't no fence right here, I'd jump on ya and make ya eat those words...

**announcer**

Gentlemen, I'm glad you two could make the time to debate this movie. I would like to ask one last question. What was the movie about?

Iceman: Simple... in a nutshell; two fallen angels want to go home; Heaven to them. They find a loophole; but in using said loophole, they would prove God wrong, and since God is infallible, it would undo everything. Azrael WANTS to undo everything-- and so, the last scion, someone who lost her faith, gets help from various sources in trying to stop the fallen angels from gaining that loophole, and in doing so, regains her faith in God; while learning quite a bit about herself along the way.

Evil Ice: I liked Silent Bob; Jay as well! They kicked some booty. I actually enjoyed watching those two kick the angels off the train! I was cheerin' 'em on and everythin'. But how idiotic can ya get-- shootin' the cheatin' dude on the bus; when ya wanna get to the location? Why not get there FIRST, then shoot the dude? Oh well... morons.

Iceman: Yeah, Silent Bob and Jay, who also were in the movies Mallrats and Clerks, were sensational. Only two lines for Silent Bob in this movie! That's about par for him... hehe.

**Evil Ice groans**

Evil Ice: Look, Ice dweeb, the movie would be a heck of a lot better if Azrael could've pulled it off. Maybe pullin' it off would've made HIM God, and then Evil would rule the world!! HAHA... that would've made it top movie in my book!

**Iceman grumbles**

Iceman: You never learn, do you, Evil? Good is SUPPOSED to triumph over Evil... it's standard play in movies! That's what makes us human! And I suppose I'll have to show you once again....

**Evil Ice laughs nastily**

Evil Ice: C'mon and try, Icey-poo... c'mon!

**announcer sighs....**

Guys, guys... the movie? Oh well... looks like round two is about to start... I wonder if the fence is enough to hold these two back... ?

**Evil Ice throws the chair at the fence; icing up the chair in midair into a sharp chair dagger; shattering the fence, and laughs with maniacial glee.**

Evil Ice: Come and get me!

**Iceman cracks his knuckles**

**announcer groans and slaps his forehead**

When will WE learn? These two guys go together like oil and water... I just hope that you, the viewers, got something about the movie Dogma out of this discussion! Adios from the ICEMANCM studios, and this is your host signing off....

**announcer mutters under his breath**

....man, I hope that the studio at least tapes THIS fight... it looks a hell of a lot better than WWF RAW!