DOCTOR WHO: THE FIVE DOCTORS - Too many Chiefs, not enough Indians.

For my 200th review, I thought I'd do something exciting and special, something make this a landmark event! You know, really make this something special!

Then I said "Sod it" and did another Doctor Who episode instead.

Wait a moment - I know! I'll do the Five Doctors! That's kind of landmark-y, being the 25th anniversary episode and everything! Brilliant!

For those of you just catching up - from 1963 to 1989 (and a couple of false starts thereafter) the BBC ran an immensely popular family program called Doctor Who. The main character is called The Doctor, a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. He travels the universe in the TARDIS, a wondrous spaceship that can go anywhere in time and space - provided that the Doctor can steer it correctly. During his adventures, he and his companion (usually a young human female with weak ankles and good lungs) combat evil and injustice wherever they find it. Key to the longevity of the series - Doctor Who can do what the James Bond movies have done several times. When fatally injured, Time Lords have the ability to regenerate, totally changing their faces and personalities, allowing the ability to swap out the lead roll when the actor wants to leave the series. So there have been several Doctors with different faces (ten, so far), but all of them the same character.

Oh, and the name of the show is Doctor Who. The main character is simply called The Doctor.

We open with a nice moment from the First Doctor (the old grumpy one) at the end of The Dalek Invasion of Earth, giving his "One day, I shall be back" speech - a great touch, since while the story's been out on video and DVD for a dogs age, back in 1983, Invasion of Earth hadn’t run on television for quite some time. seeing that episode hadn’t been run in years. Unfortunately since William Hartnell died 10 years previous and had to be replaced by a Fake Shemp (in this case Richard Hurndall) for the special, it completely underscores the fact that we're not getting one of the Doctors.

Anyway, roll credits. We open with Doctor Five (the one with the celery and cricket sweater) and his companions taking some time off on the Eye of Orion, one of the most tranquil spots in the universe. Suddenly Five collapses and quite literally begins fading away.

Meanwhile, a sinister black glove (is there any other kind), takes some poorly done statuary of the Doctor and places it on a lighted grid.

Meanwhile Doctor One is walking in his rose garden, before being snatched up by a big black blob (or translucent blob, depending on the version you're watching). A little bit later, Doctor Two (the one with the Moe hair cut) and the Brigadier are kidnapped from a UNIT reunion. Sarah Jane Smith is snatched waiting for a bus, Doctor Four (the one with the scarf) is plucked out of time while punting along the river Cam - but he gets stuck in a Vortex of I-Don’t-Want-To-Appear-On-Doctor-Who-Again matter and is written out of the show.

Susan meets One on Gallifrey before almost getting exterminated by a Dalek, Sarah falls off a cliff (well, rolls down a slight embankment) before getting rescued by Doctor Three (the one with the frills and velvet smoking jacket), and the Time Lords realizing that something is active again in the Death Zone (a special gladiatorial arena used during the Dark Times, when Gallifrey was less civilized), summon the Master to go in and find out whats going on and rescue all of the Doctors. (although if it were that easy to get the Master back to Gallirfrey, why didn’t they do that long ago? Ah - best not to think about it too hard).

And so the various Doctors make their way to the center of the Death Zone, run into various old enemies, a couple more old companions, find out that the Master was NOT behind the whole scheme for once, and watch as the Real Bad Guy gets hoisted on his own petard. Happy ending for all, touching goodbyes, and roll end credits.

Ok, we'll just come right out and say it. As a story this is pretty tat stuff. It's not so much a story as a series of events designed to trigger a nostalgia trip for the fans of the audience. The story is extremely continuity heavy, and if you don’t have a scorecard, you'll be completely lost in the first half hour.

However, as a fan-wank session, I find it really hard to deny its draw. Its porn for the anoraks, and it is a fun romp down memory lane.

Most of the Doctors give good performances all around - especially Jon Pertwee, who slips back into his old role with complete ease. The lack of Tom as Four is disappointing, but perhaps something of a blessing - that's one less incarnation for writer Terrance Dicks to try and shoehorn into the plot. I said most - Richard Hurndall filling in for One just doesn't look, sound or act like William Hartnell. He captures something of the First Doctor's irascibility, but lacks the charm and grandfatherly warmth that Bill originally brought to the role.

So that's the good guys sorted. How do the Baddies stack up?

Well, the Dalek appearance is completely and utterly gratuitous. It's a shame that such a key component to the show's history and longevity is just another piece of flotsam and jetsam dredged up out of the past at random. The Cybermen don’t fair much better. Having been brought back with astounding success in Earthshock, any goodwill garnered in that appearance is pissed away Here the Cybermen are little more than disposable cannon fodder to be slaughtered by the (surprisingly effective and creepily) Raston Warrior Robot and then by the Master when he sets them up on the chessboard in the Dark Tower. The Doctor claims that like the Daleks, the Cybermen were barred from playing the Game of Rassilon because they play it a little too well. If that's the case, I'm sure as heck not seeing it.

Speaking of the Master - how about him? I've never understood the criticisms leveled against Anthony Ainley - sure he can go way over the top, but Roger Delgado could chew up the scenery with the best of them too (I'm looking at you, Deamons). That said, Tony hams it up to the nines, accepting Borusa's unflattering description of him and his history grinning like a Cheshire cat. He goes from camp to understated and all points in-between during the course of the episode.

At the end of the day, as the end credits roll (I do have to assign bonus points for the nice blending of the original Delia Derbyshire version of the theme and the Peter Howell version), you get the feeling that the whole is considerably less than the sum of its parts. While fun for a mindless, nostalgic romp, it's shallow and contrived. Considering all the factors that Terrance was under when writing - this actor isn’t available, we want to include this monster, this sequence is beyond the scope of the budget, oh and can you add a Dalek - it's amazing that it's even remotely watchable.

THE DVD -
While not to the standards of restoration that we now enjoy, the work on the Five Doctors is pretty complete. The cleanup work was carried out digitally from the D3 videotape master, processed through the digital dirt and scratch remover which removed a lot of the electronic camera noise from the studio sequences and dirt, sparkle and grain from the film sequences. The larger problems - blobs of dirt and tape dropout - were painted out frame by frame. While we'd get better, that's not too shabby and the end result looks nice indeed.

THE EXTRAS -
Unfortunately this was the very first disc of the range (actually, according to the BBC, this was a pre DVD range experiment and doesn’t count), so the restoration team was just getting their legs. The original Region two release of the show only featured revised and updated special effects (not optional, as would be the practice with later discs), and a handful of music tracks. An eventual release in Region 1 would also net us a commentary by Terrance Dicks and Peter Davison that ranges from interesting and amusing to quite dull with long silent bits. We also get some extended and deleted scenes - but these are inserted into the actual episode and are not optional.

To further confuse the matter - March of 2008 should see the release of a proper normal edition of the Five Doctors that should include the standard edition and extended edition, two commentaries (presumably with the region 1 track as one of the two), two documentaries, an isolated score, raw studio footage from the gallery, a "Coming soon on DVD" trailer, a photo gallery, the Radio Times billings and the subtitle production notes. Oh, and something called the best Doctor Who easter egg ever (which is rumored to be the 2007 Children in Need episode Timecrash with Doctors Five and Ten)

Presumably this Super Duper Special Edition will be available in the states sometime after that.

THE BOTTOM LINE -
While it may be fun for the fans, throwing in as many Doctors and companions and villians and concepts from the previous 25 years does nothing but muddy the waters making The Five Doctors nothing more than a self-indulgent oddity.

OTHER DOCTOR WHO EPISODES ON DVD:

DOCTOR ONE -
* The Beginning * Doctor Who and the Daleks * The Aztecs * The Lost in Time Collection*
DOCTOR TWO -
* Tomb of the Cybermen*
DOCTOR THREE -
* Spearhead From Space * The Three Doctors * Carnival of Monsters*
DOCTOR FOUR -
* The Ark in Space * Genesis of the Daleks * The Pyramids of Mars * The Robots of Death *
DOCTOR FIVE -
* The Five Doctors * Resurrection of the Daleks * The Caves of Androzani*
DOCTOR SIX -
* Vengeance on Varos * Revelation of the Daleks*
DOCTOR SEVEN -
* Rememberance of the Daleks * The Television Movie*
THE NEW SERIES -
* Doctor Who - Series One * Doctor Who - Series Two * Torchwood - Series One * Doctor Who - Series Three * The Infinite Quest*