Gimmie Five, baby!!!!

Yes, I know, I was supposed to be writing about the William Hartnell story The Dalek Invasion of Earth after my last review. However, I can’t seem to get the review finished. I get about halfway in and peter out. It’s not like I dislike the story and, dang it, I wanted to do a good run of Dalek related reviews before I moved on the my next somewhat daunting task, Season 16, otherwise known as the Key to Time series, but I just can’t squeeze out anything for that First Doctor epic that doesn’t, well, suck, quite frankly!

So, I thought I might tackle one of my favorite Doctor Who stories of all time; The Five Doctors! The DVD of this story is called a “Special Edition,” which is ironic considering how few extras are on it. In reality, the “special” part is the re-worked special effects and different edit. And the picture is cleaned up as well, to be fair. What you, dear reader, want to know is: “What’s it about?” and “is it worth my heard-earned cash?” Let’s find out shall we?

The Five Doctors was the 20th anniversary story for the good Doctor, and as such, is packed to bursting with all the things that make Doctor Who special. What more do you want? You get five Doctors…sort of. See, by this time, sadly, first Doctor William Hartnell had passed on so he was recast with his widow’s blessing. Amazingly, you also don’t really get Tom Baker, who had pulled out of the production after first agreeing to appear. So you see Doctor number four and Romana (Lalla Ward) in footage from the unfinished episode Shada.

You get a healthy dose of companions as well. Aside from Tegan and Turlough (who were trucking around with Doc #5 at this point) you get Susan, the Brigadier, and Sarah Jane. Heck you even get Liz Shaw, Mike Yates, Jamie and Zoe too, after a fashion.

Plot? Oh, dear, you would ask about the plot, wouldn’t you? All right, to the best of my abilities, and in the interest of not having a review that you need to print out and take to the can with you, here we go:

Please note; here be spoilers!

While on temporary impromptu holiday in the Eye of Orion with companions Tegan and Turlough, The fifth Doctor (Peter Davison) is struck down by a bit, what he calls “cosmic angst” as though he was losing bits of himself. Indeed, he is, as we at home can see.

The first Doctor (played by Richard Hurndall as William Hartnell had passed on some years before as I mentioned above. Oh dear, less than 10 paragraphs in and I am already repeating myself!) is abducted by a sinister floating shape while walking in a garden. The second (Patrick Troughton) is taken while visiting the Brigadier (Nicholas Courtney) before his retirement party. The third Doctor (Jon Pertwee) is taken while driving in his car Bessie. The Fourth Doctor (Tom Baker) is taken while punting a boat with Romana (Lalla Ward) but is stuck in a “Time Eddy” in the Vortex. This effect on the Special Edition is changed to be a mushy ghost-like shape which is a lot less effective than the original empty black pyramid. This is not to say the original effect was at all “realistic” mind you, but the new one looks silly.

So Doctor 5 sets the TARDIS in motion and it lands on his home world of Gallifrey. Little does he realize that three of his other selves are already there, and are fighting their way to the same destination, Rassilon’s Tower, or, to be a tad more specific, the Tomb of Rassilon. This is, of course, located smack dab in the middle of the Death Zone, an areas the Time Lords used as an arena where they would use the Time Scoop (the aforementioned ghost/triangle depending on the version you are watching) to grab aliens and make them fight for the Time Lords’ amusement. This is Doctor Who after all, why make it easy?

The first Doctor finds himself in a mirrored corridor (which looks similar to the hallways on Skaro in Destiny of the Daleks) where he runs into his granddaughter Susan and, moments later, a Dalek! Using his wits, the Doctor manages to not only defeat the Dalek, but also figure out where he was. He and Susan head out across the Death Zone only to eventually spot the TARDIS.

The second Doctor & the Brig find themselves in a barren wasteland where they are besieged by Yeti and Cybermen. Once the Doctor realizes where they are, they head off to the Tower, much to the Brig’s displeasure.

Meanwhile, Doctor number three is driving along when he comes a cross a bewildered Sarah Jane Smith. I am unsure if she was bewildered by the fog, or has she been slowly losing her mind since leaving the Doctor because she looks like an extra from New Wave Hookers or something! You know, you have to admit, I bet you never thought you’d see a reference to an 80s adult film in a review for The Five Doctors on Epinions did you? Huzzah, I have outdone myself! Anyhow, Sarah Jane falls down a slight incline, I mean a sheer cliff with a massive drop and is hanging on for dear life (snigger) when the Doctor rescues her. It’s in immensely silly sequence, and Lis screams like she’s fallen off a building into a swimming pool filled with snakes. They make up for it right away by a wonderful sequence where she and the Doctor are reunited.

Having been a companion of both the third and fourth doctor Sarah is gobsmacked that she is looking at the third Doctor and he simply assures her that, for him, he hasn’t turned to “all teeth and curls,” at least, not yet. Pertwee stole that line, and it doesn’t make a lot of sense that he would know what his regeneration looked like because it hasn’t happened to him yet, but he’s so damned charming that you just smile and think “oh, bless him, he’s clever!”

The High Council of Gallifrey notice that the Doctor has been pulled out of his various time streams and that he is in the Death Zone. So, who do they bring in for assistance but The Master! The Master is another renegade Time Lord who has clashed with the Doctor on numerous occasions. They claim only he is ruthless enough to save the Doctor, and if he does so, they will grant him a brand new cycle of regenerations. So they send him into the D.Z. where he encounters the Doctor and Sarah. He is unable to convince our hero that the High Council sent him so is sent on the run. He’s cheesed off, so he naturally allies himself with the Cybermen. That’s just like bad guys, isn’t it? One shot on the straight and narrow and if they blow it, they are right back to destroying the universe or whatever.

If you’re thinking “What in the green Hell is this idiot going on about?” or “Well, that doesn’t make a lot of sense at all!” then you’d be right. While your watching, The Five Doctors rockets along, and you’re along for the ride. It’s fun, there’s tons of old friends and enemies, and if you can ignore that which doesn’t make sense, you’ll be fine. Mind you, once you try to explain this to someone else or, for instance, write out the plot for say, and Epinions review, you realize it’s just insane.

That’s OK though, because there’s certain things that make The Five Doctors so wonderful that , along with a lot of other fans, am willing to accept (or plain old willfully ignore!) for the sake of fun. Here’s but a few of them:

• All the Doctors put in great performances. It’s nice to see Pat Troughton and Jon Pertwee being the Dandy and the Clown again. Both fall into their roles as if they never stopped. I miss them both and they would have loved the DVD medium I bet. The fact that there are no commentaries of either of these Doctors is a real shame. They both loved the part and embraced the fandom so much.
• Richard Hurndall does a good turn as the first Doctor, although he’s a tad more crotchety. He plays it a wee bit darker too. His interactions with Tegan are pretty fun.
• The encounter with the Raston Warrior Robot and the Cybermen!
• Seeing lots of old friends again.
• The castellan managing to make a 5 word sentence live on in history by implying an exclamation point after every word (No! Not! The! Mind! Probe!)

And a few memorable quotes:

UNIT flunky- “Sir, I’m afraid you’re not allowed in there…”
Doctor #2- “Me!?!? I’m allowed everywhere!”

Doctor #2- “My Dear Brigadier, have I ever led you astray?”
Brig- “On numerous occasions…”
Doctor #2- “Well then, this will be an exception!

Doctor #1 to Doctor #5- “Oh and this is Susan…”
Doctor #5 (smiling)- “Yes, I know…”

The Master- “Try it Doctor, it’s as easy as pie!”
Doctor #1- “What a peculiar fellow. As easy as pie? As easy as pie?!?!
Tegan- “That’s what he said!”
Doctor #1- “No he didn’t! He said as easy as ’pi,’ the Greek letter ‘pi!” Surely you know some basic mathematics, child!”


Mind you, there’s a bit wrong with this story. For instance:

• If the guy behind the whole plot had wanted the Doctor to succeed in getting to the Tower, why scoop up a Dalek, Cybermen, Yeti, etcetera? I mean unless they were left over from the games, but that was an awfully long time ago.
• On top of that, why bring all the regenerations to a place called the DEATH ZONE for crying out loud? If #2 gets killed, how in the hell will #5 still make it?
• OK, why doesn’t #5 remember all this taking place if 1-4 went through it? After all of it, maybe 1-4 got their memories altered. This would explain how Sarah, all those years later, meeting David Tennant, does not remember this!
• Why is Zoe wearing a dress made of bubble wrap over her clothes? More importantly, why is Zoe NOT wearing ONLY a dress made of bubble wrap? Rowr! (Stay tuned for a new article I’m working on called “Wendy Padbury: Still a Right Fit Bird? Too Right!”)

There’s some more, but really, you’re going to either like this or not like it, and I’m not gonna change your opinion one way or the other. I find this a blast. Silly? Yes. A fun romp? You bet! A serious slice of Sci-fi? No, not by a long shot. That doesn’t stop me from watching it frequently though. Nor should it stop you.

Now, the DVD itself has a nice restored picture and audio and new special effects, some of which work, and some of which are, as my friends in the UK say, “pants.” I divide them thusly:

PANTS:
The new time-scoop. It looks kind of like soft serve ice cream.
The TARDIS leaving at the end.


Non- PANTS:
The new lasers
The lightning on the chess board

What is great about this DVD is the fantastic (and so far US exclusive!) commentary track by Peter Davison and writer Terrance Dicks. The two seem to be enjoying the story but are quick to point out what they think doesn’t work as well. You can’t blame them, though. The reverence and admiration these men have for the show is evident here (as it is in all the Davison commentary tracks), but Peter and Terrance have every right to poke fun at themselves and fans who get too uptight about it are, well, getting too uptight about it!

If you’re a fan of the classic series, give this a go. It’s cheap as all get out now and it’s a great way to spend 90 minutes with you favorite Time Lord. And in the immortal words of Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, “Wonderful chap! All of them…”