I'll Never Quite Look At Cabbage Patch Dolls The Same Way Again

It was the end of the semester, and my teacher assigned us our last book to read for the "Introduction to Media, Society, and the Arts" class I was taking. Expecting yet another book jampacked with pretentious thoughts and condescending remarks, needless to say I was less than thrilled to dig into this one. Surprisingly, I found myself laughing out loud through several of the pages and having my entire perspective on consumerism and pop culture altered.

By the way, for those of you who know me, I'm baaaaaack. Sort of.

Cuteness

The most interesting segment of the book was definitely the part about "Cuteness." Cuteness is something we have all become so accustomed and desensitized to, that we don't even realize what we're "oohing" and "ahhing" about anymore. It's almost as though there is a cult of cuteness out there that brainwashes us all into finding the same things cute, and therefore provoking conformity and lack of originality in our minds.

Example One: Ugliness Beneath the Surface of Cuteness?

Daniel Harris watches with amusement as we play with our cute cabbage patch dolls, smile joyously as we align our Norphin trolls on the shelves, and beam with happiness as E.T. pops up on our television screens. We all can say without a doubt, that all of the above mentioned are "so cute", "adorable" and "precious," but do any of us even know why we feel this way?

According to Harris, "cuteness" is something embodying that which is pathetic, deformed, and pitiable. Cuteness is something we love to place on objects, babies, and kittens, because we view them as helpless little things that need our attention and care. It is a selfish act because these "cute" things make us feel better ourselves, since we can feel like their superiors and nurture them to stability.

The classic example of this, is the infamous Cabbage Patch Doll. Almost every little girl owned one and played with it because of how gosh darn cute it was. But have you ever actually looked at a Cabbage Patch Doll? They are these physically warped, out of proportion, smooshed faced mutated looking toys. If an older person looked anything like a Cabbage Patch Doll, which everyone finds "positively adorable", people would take one glance at them and start running down the street for dear life.

Example Two: Gosh, Aren't Our Kids Cute?!

Not only does Harris succeed at warping the reader's genuine opinion of cuteness, he also manages to make us see the overall flaw of how we raise our kids. According to him, cuteness is not something our children naturally are, but rather something we train them to be, almost like a seal performing on cue. Kids are taught that when they act cute and precious, people smile at them and they get treated better, or even get an extra piece of candy from Uncle Earl.

A classic example of this, is kids speaking with "lisps." Every single time I've gone to the movie theater, and a kid has come onto the screen speaking with an ambiguous, raspy lisp, the audience has all joined together in a harmonious "Awwwwwww." Just think of the kid in the movie "Big Daddy" for chrissake. I personally have seen kids speaking with lisps, and their parents have not taken them to a speech therapist nearly as early as they should, probably because of the cuteness factor. People find speech deformities like lisps adorable in kids, but adults with lisps aren't quite looked at as admirably.

Example Three: Narcissism Evident In Cuteness

Another flaw that Harris mentions, is the fact that cuteness is often extremely narcissistic by nature. Take our kids for example; everyone finds their kid to be the cutest, most beautiful thing ever to roam the earth, and why is this? Because they look like us, duh!

We also find it especially adorable when our kids start to mimic our behaviors or adapt some of our mannerisms. "Golly, isn't my kid the cutest?" you'll exclaim to your friend as your child flips her hair in the same way that you, the mommy, does.

Another example would be the personification of animals. When you see a puppy walking down the street, sure they're totally cute, but when you see a puppy wearing a sweater and little slippers, they score about a hundred points higher on the cuteness scale. Why? Because they are taking on human characteristics, by wearing clothes, which is something that only we do (willingly, that is). This would explain why people are so enamored with "William Wegmen" exhibits, since he features his two dogs in every sort of human clothing item imaginable.

What Else?

Harris also speaks about Quaintess, Coolness, Deliciousness, and other topics. Most notable is his description of "deliciousness", or hunger, which is as hilarious as it is repulsive. He points out that TV commercials manipulate us by showing things that are visibly appealing, but physically inedible and disgusting. His classic example was a piece of chocolate cake, which looks delicious and marvelous on the screen, but when we actually eat it, it is so dry and crumby that it leaves us ACHING for a glass of milk. We have come to see milk as something that goes hand in hand with chocolate cake, but the real biological reason is because it is physically unpleasant and leaves our throats irritated unless we wash it down with a drink. He also then goes on to talk about what's actually in some things we eat that are physically attractive, and I don't think I've recovered since.

Why Should I Read This Book?

Because it is extremely funny and insightful in a disturbing and warped sort of way, very much like my own writings.