Armageddon's Children: Terry Brooks's Latest Literary Ripoff

Somewhere in [a distant land | the future | the distant past | another dimension | Washington, D.C.] the never-ending Battle between Good and Evil plays out on life's stormy stage. Evil, in [his | her | its] persona of a [brutal dictator | hideous necromancer | loathsome wizard | malignant demon | white-shoe attorney] is preparing to conquer the world and Enslave all her peoples. This hideous future will come to pass unless a Fellowship comprising (choose several) a [white wizard | invincible knight | fierce elf-lord | simple farmer | descendant of kings | stout dwarf | childlike rustic | pink-clad fairy | warrior woman | eldritch power | faithful companion | cat burglar | honest used-car salesman | prostitute with a heart of gold | assorted mythical creatures] can locate and wield a great, mysterious Talisman against Evil's soulless army of [zombies | goblins | orcs | frogs]. This talisman, whose very existence was Foretold far back in the mists of time by a [codex | oracle | ancient legend | madman's vision | mass hallucination] must never fall into the hands of Evil or all will be lost.

Against all odds, the tiny band representing Good [locates | steals | frees | trips over] the mythical talisman, but this means that their Quest has only just begun. Even as the Evil One's loathsome Army lays siege to the [citadel | castle | fortress | MiniMart | oasis] within which the last few Innocents dwell, the doughty [fellowship | comrades-in-arms | warriors | band of brothers | Elks Lodge] labors mightily to surreptitiously transport the talisman to a place where it will be [safe | destroyed], a labor made exponentially more difficult by the Evil One's powers of [sorcery | extrasensory perception | 802.11g WiFi | K Street lobbyists].

Will the Fellowship find the Talisman? Will the Dark Lord's minions capture the tiny band before their Quest is complete? Will Evil triumph and lay waste to the world?

Wanna know what happens next? You'll have to wait a year for Book 2 to come out.


OK, perhaps that's a little harsh... or perhaps not. The book in question? The latest from well-known fantasy-publishing machine Terry Brooks, Armageddon's Children. Plot-wise, this one's pretty standard stuff: demons, aided by armies of "once-men" (I guess that means zombies), are attempting to wipe out the last few humans in a post-apocalyptic USA; most of whom live in sports stadiums (e.g., Safeco Field) turned walled compound. The last two remaining "Knights of the Word" (whatever those are) have both been sent by eldritch spirits to find a living talisman who's somewhere in Seattle. A few packs of feral children eke out a meager living amidst the ruins of the Emerald City; the most interesting one is the Ghosts and their leader Hawk. Gee: one guess who will turn out to be the living talisman, eh? Of course, be prepared for a cliff-hanging ending to the book, followed by those immortal words... "Armageddon's Children ends here. The story will continue with the publication of Terry Brooks's next novel."


Armageddon's Children doesn't start out as just one more re-hash of the Lord of the Rings. No, Armageddon's Children starts out as garden-variety post-apocalyptic fiction, a novel peppered with references to mankind's destruction of his home world via neglect (perhaps a little nudge to global warming). There's a bit of "Mad Max," with one character touring the American heartland in a tricked out solar-powered ATV (including a "Beyond Thunderdome" flavor to some of his antics). If you liked Harlan Ellison's "A Boy and His Dog" or Gordon R. Dickson's Wolf and Iron, they're both represented as well by Seattle's roving bands of child survivors. There's even a flavor of Arthurian legend, what with the appearance of a Lady of the Lake image to the so-called "Knights of the Word." Second only to the powerful influence of Tolkien on Terry Brooks' derivative plot, however, is the strong imprint of Stephen King's The Stand - right down to an homage to Randall Flagg - the Walking Dude's part's played here by chief demon Findo Gask (an anagram of "God's a fink"? give me a break!)

I'm well aware - now - that Brooks wrote this book as an overarching prequel to the six or so multi-part series he's already palmed off on the reading public. Perhaps that explains the assumption that anyone who reads it is already well-versed in the fantasy universe Brooks has constructed elsewhere. Little else could explain the half dozen or so chapters about elves scattered through the text, chapters completely unrelated to the remainder of the text. Or the missing explanations of those übercool Knights and their zowie! staves.

And the business of that sweet little "continued in the next book" announcement on the last page? Is everyone who buys this book supposed to assume that this is the first book of a trilogy because Brooks wrote it? I suppose so - there's no mention of a series anywhere in the blurbs, the title page, or on the cover. Perhaps it simply goes without saying.


The business of being tricked into buying multiple books is old hat - James Patterson does it all the time by stretching one book into three (though he does it by using wide margins and lots of blank pages). But if you ask me, Brooks has already stretched one book into about twenty-three. I read the first five or six a couple of decades ago, and the only reason I picked up this one is because it did not appear to be yet another of his derivative trilogies, even though it is.

Sadly, I was fooled by what appeared to be a standalone novel about something different. Here's hoping you're not - and you avoid Armageddon's Children. It goes without saying that, to quote The Who, I "Won't Get Fooled Again." Will I read the next book in the series? In a word, "No."