Bad Santa-Beware of the Dwarf with Skinny not Fat Fingers

If I would have known that I would have little
kids peeing in my lap for the next 30 days I would
have killed myself a long time ago. I still might.
-Bad Santa

Not since Dan Akroyd donned his own thread bare red and white outfit, in the movie Trading Places, has the world seen such a sad and pathetic Santa Claus as the one played by Billy Bob Thornton in the newly released motion picture Bad Santa. Kris Kringle will never be looked at in the same way again for anyone that sees this hilarious uptake on the bearded man from the North.

Willie T. Stokes (Thornton) as Santa Claus is like having Mr. T play Peter Pan. It just doesn’t sound right. That’s what makes Bad Santa such a hilariously funny movie and one that I think fans around the world are going to love, possibly over and over.

Remember the loveable Edmund Gwenn in the classic Christmas movie, “Miracle on 34th Street? You remember him for all the right reasons. He was caring, honest, and enthusiastic about being Santa. You’re going to walk out of Bad Santa remembering Thornton for all of the wrong reasons. He cusses, smokes, drinks. And that’s all before breakfast.

Manhola Dargis of the Los Angeles times says of Thornton’s character; “A man whose talent for expletives would give. Dr Dre pause."

Tony Cox, who is probably best known for his work as the limo driver in Jim Carrey’s ‘Me, Myself, and Irene movie, plays Marcus, Willie’s assistant. For such a little guy he has a big job trying to keep Willie in line just long enough to finish another job and another Christmas season. This isn’t an easy task considering Willie’s tendencies but one that Marcus must do.

The beautiful, sexy, and talented Lauren Graham, last seen with Keanu Reeves in ‘Sweet November’, plays Sue, a smoking hot bartender with a thing for Santa. Graham brings a wonderful glow to the screen in her scenes with Thornton. Her beautiful smile is breathtaking and could melt ice off the Rocky Mountains.

Bernie Mac plays Gin, a chain smoking, orange eating mall security man that finds out more than he should about Willie and Marcus and gets more than he bargained for. His scene with Tony where they try to get a drunken Willie out of the mall is so funny I had tears in my eyes.

Newcomer Brett Kelly plays “the kid”, Thurman Merman. Snot nosed, overweight, and generally messed up in the head, Kelly’s scenes with Thornton bring out the humanity in a man that otherwise has none.

The late comedian John Ritter has a small part in this movie as the mall manager that finds out he may have hired the wrong type of person to be their store Santa after finding Bad Santa banging a heavy set woman in the dressing room of the “Three Times a Lady” department.

This movie, even with Thornton’s disturbing language and attitude, was possibly one of the funniest that I have seen lately. Willie’s way with the women, his alcoholism, his smoking, all of these things made me want to love the character, to love the movie.

This movie isn’t for little kids. The language alone would make a Hip Hop crowd blush. But for adults, this movie could be one of the best of the holiday season. I haven’t seen “Elf” yet but I seriously cannot imagine it being as funny for adults as Bad Santa.

Leave the kids at home and enjoy Bad Santa as soon as you can.

As a matter of record let me just say that if you are trying to quit smoking you probably don’t want to see this movie. I think I got lung cancer (I know this is no laughing matter) just watching this movie. And if you are a recovering alcoholic you might want to sit this one out as well. I am willing to bet that Stolichnaya Vodka was either paid or paid to have their product so visible in this movie.