BMW 540i: "If You Could Have ONE Car..."

Many times, the "dream car" discussion hits the roundtables of manhood, and when two guys get together, the question invariably comes up: "if you could have only one car, what would it be?" My friends know they don't have to get very far in their sentence before being rudely interrupted: "the BMW 540i, you moron!"

My father is in the market for a new car to replace his aged 1991 Lexus LS400. He's entering a mid-life crisis, so I decided to exploit it and "suggest" multiple cars for us to drive. The BMW 540i was tops on my list, and we fortunately got to trade his car for a shiny black 6-speed 540. Oh, what a weekend it was going to be. ... And my father was thinking his son just wanted to spend quality time with his old man.

BACKGROUND:
Some brief history: the BMW 5-series is little changed since its makeover midway into 1996, when it was introduced as the 1997 model. Since then, there has been some shuffling/adding of standard equipment, with fortunately rare price increases. For 2002, a CD player, climate control and power seats have been added to the standard features list, while the 4.4-liter V8 power rating has been increased to 290 horsepower (from 282). Even though this current incarnation is graying at the temples, it's won award after award for consecutive years, not to mention numerous comparison tests. Of course, as BMW's #2 seller in the U.S., it's been immensely popular with American consumers. Even when the economy took a downturn last year, 5-Series sales held their ground, actually boasting a modest gain in sales (there's a little factoid for ya).

A new model is due next year, possibly as a 2004, and it's a beaut' - it looks as though the strings were stretched a little tighter. As has occurred in previous generations, the 5-series will be taking styling cues from its already-released big brother, the 7-series. It is also supposed to have a simpler iDrive Control Center that is seen on the 7-series.


EXTERIOR: 9
All BMW's are attractive cars, but the 5-series in particular, and especially the 540i (sportier exterior trim), are just gorgeous. The graceful lines and curves belie the muscular tires and frowning headlamps. Such a dichotomy is what's made this car so popular with men and women alike. Slam a door, and you're greeted with a less cushy "thud" than you would hear on say, the Infiniti Q45, but it's still a solid sound nonetheless. From any angle, you can tell the 5-series is tight as a drum. The 5-series is a good size, too. It's large enough to accomodate 5 passengers comfortably, yet small enough to be tossed around. Go with the 7-series and you're in the "boat" category of cars.

BMW also offers a ridiculous number of rims and style packages, which is good for individualizing your car, but also serves as a sad reminder of how many people are buying this car for all the wrong reasons (read: superficial). This is why I gave the car's exterior rating a 9 and not a 10... the stigma that has been forced onto the very sight of this car by those who buy it for status, for looks... (moment of silence please, while I pray my rosary).


INTERIOR: 7
This may be an overly harsh rating, but then again when it comes to ratings, things are always subjective. The best I can do is explain myself.

First, the good. The seats are very comfortable, with leg supports that should be standard on every car in this class. Rear leg space is ample but not exactly generous, which is fine. The car my father and I drove came with the Premium Sound System, which included a CD changer, 12 speakers, and Digital Sound Processing... absolute gem of a system, though not quite as good as the Infiniti Q45, in my opinion. I also liked the overall appearance of the dash. Bare essentials without the fluff, with gauges easily in view. Quality of materials was top-notch, though the shifter knob actually popped off twice during our three days driving it! An onboard computer (much like that found on other cars in this class) informs you of your gas mileage, outside temp, a trip odometer that calculates the distance left to your destination, ETA timer... and there's a stopwatch for clocking your 0-60 times.

Now, the bad. Of course, realize that this is all within the context of the competition, which offer very nice interiors. As far as this interior goes, it definitely follows BMW's mission statement: "perform first, coddle second". The result is a comparatively spartan interior, that is checkered with "ze German markings", which are difficult to read off the bat for us schtewpid Americans. The car we drove over the weekend had a very fussy CD-ROM based navigation system that was nothing compared to the DVD-based setup I used on the Acura 3.2 CL Type-S. Many things are available only as options, such as heated seats. But daaaaaaaaaddy, where's the voice command center? What about the butt-massager that is seen on the Lexus LS430? Sorry, ladies. Shop somewhere else if that's what you're into, because you won't see it here. There are other little nitpicks (i.e., flimsy cupholders), but in the interest of brevity I won't list them here. E-mail me if you want the complete low-down.


ENGINE: 9
There are very few words that could do this dream of a powerplant justice. After a short drive in the 530 in-line 6, I realized just what a difference stepping up to the 540i's 4.4L V8 made. Gobs of power at any position on the torque band. Scream to 60 in 6.0 seconds from a stoplight? No problem. Pass the 18-wheeler on the highway? Did it yesterday after tea.

The engine emits a very satisfying, sonorous growl when punched, yet stays refined on the highway and in the city.

As for the manual transmission, it's a hoot to use, though you probably won't need the sixth gear unless you're traveling at high speeds for long distances. The only problem I had with the manual tranny was when I got stuck on 410 (the site of much construction)... it's a bit of a chore to use, even more than the manual tranny I use on my '96 Isuzu Rodeo.

Oh yeah... don't forget to fill this machine with premium. Gas mileage isn't great either, at 15 city and 23 highway.


HANDLING: 9
On paper, the 540i has all the makings of a great handler. Four-wheel independent suspension with front and rear stabilizer bars, a steel unit body highly resistant to flex, a nearly 50/50 weight distribution (the battery is even located in the trunk), and traction control are just a few examples of what gives BMW such a strong reputation.

I had the opportunity to drive this BMW pretty hard on two occasions, and each was just as confident, just as collected, and just as incredibly fun as the other. The car is so solid it takes a heck of a lot to make the rear swing out or the tires to chirp. Brakes stop the car right now, and the steering falls in the "mind-reader" category.

When you first begin to drive the 540i, you might initially find the steering to feel a little darty, as minor corrections at times seem to do more than what you're really asking for. After the first day, however, I was used to the overall feel of the mechanics. BMW has purposely geared its steering in such a way, and it's just a matter of getting used to it. In the parking lot, this may be a little bit of a chore, but everywhere else in the paved world, it's very welcome.

It is important to note that it has been raining cats and dogs in the San Antonio area for the past couple of days (set records, actually). Driving the 540i was no problem at all and I felt safe at all times. The dealer tried to convince us he wasn't worried at all that we had it during the rains, but I don't quite believe him!

Still, the 540i, while well-balanced and steadfast, is not a featherweight. At high speeds (over 55 mph), I was able to make the body sway appreciably, though to a much lesser degree than the Infiniti Q45 rolled.


RIDE: 9
The 540i is more stiffly sprung than its other siblings, perhaps too much for some, but it is still very composed over uneven surfaces. Major road irregularities are the only time that you might feel jarred, but otherwise, this car is ultra-smooth. It does not isolate the driver from the road like a Lexus, or to a lesser degree an Infiniti, but there is a tangible feeling of connectedness with the road that inspires confidence in all driving situations.

Only minor tire noise intrudes into the cabin, and wind noise is a dull whisper at speeds exceeding 90 mph. If I could point out one gripe, I began to notice over slightly longer trips that the seats could be padded a little better. Don't count on that changing in the future, as BMW is well-known for seats that are firm, yet supportive. Cush, however, won't ever be used in the same sentence. Verboten!


RELIABILITY: 8
BMW has had a bad rap of not producing cars that are up to snuff with competitors. While still not at Lexus levels of dependability, the BMW is nothing to sneeze at, scoring "Above Average" reliability ratings by Consumer Guide.

My experience with this BMW does not go contrary to that. As for the new model that will soon make its debut, I always recommend that the buyer exercise caution before diving into such a purchase. So much could go wrong with all the new changes and gadgetry that will be added to the new model. BMW thankfully is better at new introductions than some, and the X5's relatively better first-year reliability performance compared to the Mercedes M-class comes to mind.


SAFETY: 10
The 5-series has scored very well in offset crash tests, scoring "Good" in every category. I could not find any data from NHTSA on frontal/side impact ratings, but I've read several professional reviews that refer to good crash tests in passing.

Standard safety features include dual-stage front airbags, door-mounted front side airbags and head-protection airbags for front passengers. The Rear Side-Airbag package, available as a no-cost option, also includes head-protection airbags. There are three-point seatbelts at all seating positions, with pretensioners. Impact sensors unlock the doors and activate the car's hazard lights in a serious accident. Remote keyless entry, two-step unlocking, coded drive-away protection and a vehicle security system are also standard.

It should also be mentioned that the car's handling abilities are a safety feature themselves, as avoiding an accident altogether is the best safety measure.


VALUE: 7
Yes, the sticker is truly eye-watering, as the folks at Car and Driver like to say. However, once you're spending this much, a couple grand becomes academic. Plus, these cars have traditionally held their value very well, and that helps offset the sticker price, in my mind. Many features are standard, though BMW is again not as generous as other car manufacturers.

Another fact to take into consideration is the high cost of maintenance that BMW's are notorious for.


VERDICT: IF I COULD HAVE MY PICK, THIS WOULD BE IT
Other car makers put together fabulous automobiles. I have enjoyed driving and writing about them. In fact, many have comforted, coddled, and pampered me better than this car. If being pampered is priority one,two, and three for you, then this car might not suit your needs. As for me, no car - none - has given me more pleasure and satisfaction to just drive than the BMW 540i. It is a true driver's car that does not sacrifice much in view of everyday functionality.

AVERAGE SCORE (out of 10): 8.5
VARA'S PERSONAL RATING (out of 10): 8.5