The First Slice Is Always The Best (Quotes W/O)

Oh come on. Not only was it too easy, it was the movie, and the quote, I originally had in mind when starting the W/O. For more details, see my profile page, but with an August 31 deadline, time is running out

So I’m in the video store with a couple of friends. One of them picks up American Pie and says to me: “Have you seen this yet?” I shook my head. “Well, you need to”. Why I needed to I’ve got no idea, but he talked me into it.

Now, a good four years later, I’ve watched it again and I still love it.

Jim (Jason Biggs) is an average teenage kid. He’s not really obsessed with sex, but he’s sick of being a virgin. He also watches porn and masturbates every now and then, but doesn’t always get away with it.

A few of his friends are stuck in the same boat. No matter what they do or say, they can’t seem to get laid. The main problem with this is that prom is fast approaching and they don’t want to go to college as virgins.

One morning after a party, this very topic comes up and Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) proposes a pact – all four of them will get laid by prom. Easy for him to say, he’s the only one with a steady girlfriend.

Rounding out the four are lacrosse star Oz (Chris Klein) and Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas).

With the pact in mind, all four set out to find the perfect girl. The perfect girl being anyone they can score with.

Overall, performances for our leading men are pretty good. Biggs, Nicholas and Thomas create believable characters who do some pretty unbelievable things. Klein fits into this category for the most part as well, although his character, Oz, had some moments that seemed a little stilted.

It’s a little harder to identify the lead female roles though. There’s a vast array of girls here, but sadly, none of them are really anything more than targets for the guys to screw.

Tara Reid plays Vicky, Kevin’s girlfriend. While they’ve been together for a long time, she refuses to give him anything more than anal until he says the dreaded three words: “I love you”. Why are they dreaded? To say those would mean commitment and while Kevin and the rest of our foursome certainly want this, it’s doubtful whether or not they’re ready for it.

Shannon Elizabeth plays Jim’s first “love” interest, the beautiful foreign exchange student Nadia. Why Elizabeth is in such a role is beyond me, seeing as how the only “foreign” country she could possibly have come from would be something along the lines of Canada, the UK, or maybe somewhere down here in Australasia, as those are the only places that come to mind that produce women who look like her. However, the accent Elizabeth puts on would seem to be some kind of attempt at European, perhaps Russian. Whatever it is, it’s not very good, just like the rest of her acting.

After Jim literally blows it with Nadia, he starts to think maybe he needs to lower his expectations and as such asks “band geek” Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) to the prom. However, there’s a lot more to Michelle than meets the eye.

There was this one time, at band camp, when I stuck a flute up my pussy

This is one rather randy band camp geek, and from her tales of band camp we learn that she’s not the only-half of band camp is actually sexual education. However, when this horny little redhead delivers the above line, not only does it change the whole movie, but it also sets the tone for parts two and three, whereupon Jim and Michelle will fall in love and get married.

Of course, you could chop the last half off that quote, because she says There was this one time, at band camp at the start of roughly every second line, and when you know what’s coming, Jim’s line Oh I’ve got stories, they’re just a bit more risqué than tales of band camp. Up until that point, Michelle’s stories have been somewhat stupid, and if watching for the first time, you could be forgiven for losing interest in the character, but as I said, when you know what’s coming and how she livens up it brings a sly sort of smile to my face.

I’ve seen Alyson Hannigan, who plays Michelle, in very little else aside from the American Pie series, but from what I have seen, her performance here isn’t a lot different. For the character of Michelle though, being randy, very talkative and generally slightly left of centre works well, which makes for a good performance from Hannigan, and she maintains it throughout the rest of the series.

Jim may not be the brains of the series, but he’s certainly the heart. As the movie progresses he goes through a lot of changes, from just wanting to get laid, to giving a speech to his mates at prom saying how important sex isn’t. Jason Biggs gives one of the best performances as Jim, having to cope with many different (and strange) situations, and taking it all in his stride and learning from it.

Of course, Jim’s learning would not be complete without the tutelage of his father (Eugene Levy). Jim’s Dad has been everywhere Jim is and tries to advice on many different subjects, from condoms, to masturbation, to porn… pretty much anything sex-related. It’s certainly well-acted, and a lot of fun to watch. I kept thinking “surely he’s going to crack up saying this sort of stuff” but he never does. Very professional, and it’s no surprise he was invited back for two sequels.

On the other hand, I find it very surprising Seann William Scott was invited back at all. His character, Stifler, is more egotistical, self-centred and arrogant than your ex. I hated him with a fiery passion, and I’m yet to actually see Scott in a role where he doesn’t act like this, and it’s very annoying. Ugh, someone shoot him now.

Some of the more refreshing characters here are the female ones. Jessica (Natasha Lyonne) is the best friend Vicky always turns to for advice, and she comes out with some pearlers (It’s not rocket science, it’s sex), and Heather (Mena Suvari) is the choir girl Oz (Chris Klein) falls for. While Jessica’s advice is worded a little strange (see the above example), it’s very grounded and she seems to have a lot of common sense. Lyonne plays the part well, just being more of a casual outsider than involved with the core group. Heather doesn’t really have any distinguishable traits and is overall a very forgettable character, but Suvari rises above this and brings a sparkle to the performance.

As for Oz himself, I’ve heard people mistake it for “ox”, and that’s not really a bad description. He rushes into things (saying “suck me beautiful”) on the first date, has no real idea of what he’s doing, and Klein’s acting is very slow and clumsy.

What’s funny about American Pie is that this is a scarily accurate look at what high school life can be like for some people, and yet the film rips the shit out of it while still paying homage to it. One gets the feeling the directors perhaps aren’t far out of high school themselves, or, more likely, they recall it so well they know what it’s like and have made a film that truly showcases such an important stage of a young man’s life.