American Idol 3 Greatest Soul Classics: You Call This Soul?

This is it America, the stage has been set for the showdown to see who can sing the best soul classic. Ryno Seacrest here and you America, will be able to choose who will be, the American Idol.

And you know our judges. The man who is making sure the color black never goes out of style, Simon Cowell. Our own little Seabiscuit, Paula Abdul. And the man who is fat with a double PH, Randy Jackson. And let's not forget our guest judge, our favorite guest judge at that, Lionel Ritchie. Lionel, we asked you back on one condition. Please, refrain yourself from the usage of the word, "outrageous".

First up singing is Fantasia Barrino with Chain Of Fools. Fantasia actually sounds much better live than in the studio because her version of this song live on the show was ten times better.

Randy: Yo, dawg, you set it off. Yeah!
Paula: Fantasia, you know I love you, and you saw the audience as a piece of wood, and you karate chopped your way through their hearts.
Simon: You weren't a carbon copy of Aretha Franklin and that's a good thing.
Lionel: You were outrag..., I mean you were outpendous!

George Huff is next with Me And Mrs. Jones. Let's just say that Georgie can cover this song very well. His voice is very rich here and it comes off as probably the best cover on the album.

Randy: Yo, dawg, you havin' fun yet? For me for you, it was a very nice job.
Paula: George, you know I love you and you and the audience were one tonight.
Simon: You were like the backup singer for the Temptations tonight.
Lionel: Whoa Simon, that was a bit out.., I mean rough. George, you did your thing. It was greatageous.

Diana DeGarmo tries her hand at Marvin Gaye's I Heard It Through The Grapevine and while it's over the top in spots, it's not all that bad.

Randy: Dude, while no one can top Marvin, you did your thang.
Paula: You know I love you Diana, and I just love you. I feel like a proud parent.
Simon: Even though your dress was horrible, and you can't dance at all, your singing was fair. A 6 out of 10?
Lionel: Diana, it was a courageous song and you did a awesometific job.

LaToya London sings If You Don't Know Me By Now and it's a decent vocal performance, but she can sing songs like these in her sleep.

Randy: Dawg, it was dope vocally, but just a tad pitchy and I wasn't really feelin' it yo.
Paula: LaToya, you know I love you, and it wasn't your best, but so what, everyone loves you.
Simon: Uh, so what?
Lionel: LaToya girl, you should've been the actress in my Hello video. Simply fantastageous.

Singing Neither One Of Us is Jennifer Hudson and while just like LaToya's song, vocally it's very good, it's also a boring performance.

Randy: Dude, for me for you, it wasn't your best performance and you know that you can do better.
Paula: You know I love you Jennifer, and your hair looks great. You look great.
Simon: Jennifer, this is going to be unpopular, but you're lucky there are worse singers here tonight. Be quiet, let me speak!
Lionel: Jennifer, I don't care what Simon and Randy say. I have three words for you. Out. Ra. Tastic.

Amy Adams decides to sing the country version of You Make Me Feel Brand New and it simply doesn't work. While she has a good voice, it's not a soulful voice. And for a soul song, it's not good at all.

Randy: Dude, are you havin' fun up there? I think you know it wasn't your best and I wasn't feelin' it, not tonight dawg.
Paula: Amy, you know, you know I just love you. But I'll agree with Randy. It isn't your night.
Simon: Amy, I think you know this. It was nauseating.
Lionel: I was with you girl. I was dancing on the ceiling with you. Fanrageous.

When you think Dock Of The Bay by Otis Redding, you think George Huff. But since George already had a song, I guess Matt Rogers was the second choice. And he does a surprisingly decent job even though his voice isn't all that strong.

Randy: Dude, you even did the whistling part dawg, that was tight.
Paula: Matt, you know I love you. Your best trait is that you can be sensitive and intimate at the same time.
Simon: That was just horrendous. Horrible. If there was another negative word that started with H, you would've heard it.
Lionel: You know I helped write We Are The World and if you were older than 8 years old when we did that song, I would've wanted you to sing on it. Perfectendous.

Jasmine Trias tries her hand at Gladys Knight's Midnight Train To Georgia. Talk about a bad fit. This should've been Fantasia's song. For Jasmine, she just doesn't have the pipes.

Randy: Yo, Jasmine, it wasn't your best tonight. I'm not sure if you hit but one or two keys during the entire song.
Paula: Jasmine, you know me, and you know I love you. Your hair looks great, your dress looks great, and you just, I just love you.
Simon: Jasmine, I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know. You better hope everyone in Hawaii votes for you tonight. Twice.
Lionel: Wow, what a little package you are. The song choice was a little iffy, but hey, I still think you were outrific.

The most overrated singer in American Idol history, Jon Peter Lewis is next with My Girl. His voice doesn't resemble anything I've ever heard and he should not be singing anything with a smidgen of soul in it. Alfred E. Newman aka Frodo aka Bobby Brady just needed to stop.

Randy: Man, you just weren't on tonight dude. It just wasn't for me dawg.
Paula: Bobby, I mean Jon, you know I love you. Hey, even if it wasn't all that great, the fans still love you.
Simon: Was that dancing, or did you have ants crawling on your backside? Utterly deplorable.
Lionel: Hey, where did you get those dance moves. If you only had a ceiling to show them off on. It was pretty good, even awe inspirageous.

Camille Velasco simply was in over her head in the competition. But she looked and acted so much like one of my cousins, I rooted for her. Here, baby girl takes Until You Come Back To Me and does a decent job with it.

Randy: Uh, dude, I'm not feeling it. For me for you, it was the wrong song choice.
Paula: Camille, you know I don't say this to everyone, but I just love you. You look so beautiful tonight and you just sounded wonderful.
Simon: It was a downright shaky performance. Very average. Not going to get you very far.
Lionel: Don't listen to that Simon girl. You look great and that voice of yours is just terrictacular.

Not sure if you even remember Leah LaBelle as she was one and done, but she does a decent job here with Betcha By Golly Wow. If she didn't flub so badly on the first show, she might've stayed for a good few weeks. She sounds just under Fantasia, LaToya, and Jennifer vocally as far as the females are concerned. Nice job.

Randy: Yo, that's the Leah I know. Dude, nice job dawg.
Paula: You know Leah. I guess I'll let you know. I just love you. I just love your voice. I'm just golly wowed.
Simon: You look like the American Idol, you just don't sound like the American Idol.
Lionel: Simon, I don't look like the American Idol either, but I still look fantastism. Leah, you did your thing girl.

Last, and least, is John Stevens with You Are Everything. It's really unfair that Baby Dean Martin has to sing this song. His voice is so wrong for anything soulful.

Randy: Dude, you're a nice guy, you take criticism well, you dress nice, I love those shoes, but listening to you is like, I don't know. You were like under the right note the entire time.
Paula: Jon, you just sparkle up there. I'm not sure if you know this, but I just love you.
Simon: Jon, if Jasmine needs all of Hawaii to vote for her to stick around, you need the rest of the 49 states. Just dispicable.
Lionel: Johnny man, baby dean, I disagree with them all, you were simply outrageous. Sorry guys, I needed to say it just one time.

The end of the album closes with a spirited group rendition of Ain't No Mountain High Enough that can pass for a decent remake.

If Simon were judging this album as a whole, he'd describe it simply as "so what?" Not everyone can sing soulfully and it really showed. The people you thought would sing this song well did and the ones you would think would fall on their faces, did.

Three strikes and Seacrest out!