Still The Best Band In The Universe (Pt 7)

Some cars, of course, come equipped without the airbag. Such vehicles include the Rover 800, the Ford Escort MKII and the Chevrolet Woofer Mk IV. I wish to name and shame.

I recall one car ride when listening to this Radiohead B-sides compilation with Grandpa Lettsin. He told me: “Better buckle up, son. You could die on this trip.”

I was shocked. “But Gramps,” I began, “we are only going to the shop to buy some peppers.”

“Nevertheless. Things can happen. Strange things. You know what goes on behind closed doors, don’t you?” he asked, his false eye glowing bright green.

It was then I realised that he was insane. The first track on this Airbag/ How Am I Driving? EP, released in 1998 soon after the multi-platinum masterpiece OK Computer, was a futuristic piece with ominous electric guitars ringing through outer space.

“In the next world war I am born again? What’s he on about? There ain’t gonna be another World War, that’s for sure. Not while I’ve still got lead in me pencil! I’ll take after those Germans and poke them in the ears!” he raged.

I wondered if Gramps needed to be sedated. It turns out that he did in fact like the music. Racist outbursts were his way of expressing delight. He commented on the spacious bass work of Colin Greenwood in this tune and the incredible multi-layered guitar heroics from Jonny Greenwood. He also favoured the economic drumming from Phil Selway. There was something so futuristic and expansive about this track, he expressed sorrow that he would be dead in a couple of weeks.

“The future is a familiar country. They do things exactly the same there,” he remarked. Pearly struck up next. This tune with its powerful drawled vocals and grand sense of climax chilled him to the core. He lamented at the evocative lyrics of Thom Yorke over the steady guitars and rumbling drums.

“My teeth used to be powerful. I sold them to that Venetian merchant for three pounds a root. Son of a mother stole all my molars!” he cried out.

“Watch the road, Gramps,” I said, crossing my fingers and hoping that I wouldn’t die. Meeting In The Aisle is an instrumental piece, which gave us time to contemplate the follies of man over the eerie cyber-rhythm.

“Scotland. What a waste of time that was. The moon? Pah! Who needs a big fat ball made of cheese, anyway? Idiots. Those three actors from that show with the lesbian wives, you know… idiots! Most people are idiots if you ask them what they think they are. ‘Idiots is what we are’ is what they’ll all say. We’re all God’s merciless puppets!” he ranted.

At last the tune was up… rather bland and insipid in places and lacking a melodious wonderment… and the melancholic A Reminder struck up in all its plaintive beauty. At last, the haunting quality of Thom Yorke managed to imprint itself upon the miserable old crone and he loved this tune with a passion. I too adore this one. It is a wistful and contemplative piece as sensational as the bulk of the OK Computer material.

Polyethylene Pts. 1 & 2 has little to do with thermoplastic materials. This fact irked Grandpa. “It is just that elf again on an acoustic guitar. I can’t make out what he is singing. Oh, it’s stopped! Lord, that is loud. What do they expect from us? Unbreakable ears? I want to learn about the molecular weight of certain polymers, not listen to this overbearing racket!” were among his complaints.

Although the earth-shattering sound of this piece was not to his liking, Grandpa quietened down for the penultimate piece on the EP, the short mellotron dirge Melatonin and perked up for the closing rocker Palo Alto.

“The latter reminds me a little of Granddaddy’s ‘Under The Weeping Willow’ whereas the former reminds me of nothing at all. Look – a tree. Should I drive into it and end our lives?” he asked.

“No! No! We have to pick up the peppers first!” I insisted.

Airbag/ How Am I Driving? was a fine EP for that troublesome ride to the shop. I recommend that long-time fans of Radiohead locate this little gem and relish the B-side material they have, for so long, gone without. It is readily available on our favourite music and auction websites Amazon or E-Bay. Grandpa bought a mace from a nice chap in Mexico online on the latter. In the end, we decided not to end our lives. We went home, ate the peppers, and set our larynxes on fire. Well… anything to pass the time.

In Rainbows (2007)
Com Lag (2plus2isfive) (2004)
Hail To The Thief (2003)
I Might Be Wrong – Live Recordings (2001)
Amnesiac (2001)
Kid A (2001)