Effective, but needs the GROUP approach

My three year old son is a smart, and somewhat reasonable kid, for a three year old. But he's three, and he's a LOT less interested in pleasing mom (and dad, and preschool teacher, and...) than was his sister, who is eleven.

So when a friend mentioned this book - and said that a local charter elementary school had held a seminar so all parents could do at home what the teachers were doing at school, I thought, why not?

After reading the book and employing the methods for about a month, I can say without a doubt, this is a plan that could work. BUT.

BUT #1, it really, really needs to be a group effort. In our case, I've been doing this for a month, and I've seen some improvements, but my husband didn't join in, so I've been alone in my efforts. Although the method is close to what they do at my son's preschool, it's not EXACTLY like what they do at school, so he's only getting moderate reinforcement there. And, of course, throw the Grandparents into the mix, and I feel like I'm a bit of a comedy act, saying "One." (no emotion-no emotion-no emotion) "Two." (no emotion-no emotion-I'm going to clobber Grandma-) "Three." (pick up for time-out and have to combat Grandma's, "Oh, come here. He didn't mean it. He just wants the ...")

In short, I highly recommend TRYING this method, and I also suggest using a similar strategy when informing your inner circle that you're employing the 123 method. In fact, maybe even pass around a copy or two of the book.

Key lessons to impart (to parents first, and then to other caregivers) can be found in chapter 3: The Little Adult Assumption. (Many grownups want to believe that kids are into reasons and explanations - think about the "how would you feel if Johnny hit you?" scenario. In fact, kids are kids, and they haven't had much experience in being rational. This method- IMHO - gives them a chance to learn how to be rational, and behave, so reason has a chance to take hold, and parents don't have to resort to spanking.)

More key concepts can be found in chapter 4: The Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes (too much talking and too much emotion).

My favorite chapter is chapter 10: The Six Kinds of Testing and Manipulation. As I mentioned, my son's behavior has thrown me for a loop, because my daughter was SO eager to please adults, getting her to behave seemed like a cakewalk. "Would you please (throw this away/pick up your toys/etc.)" was about all I needed to do. So, the chapter explaining testing and manipulation tactics was a real eye-opener for me - not only because I see my son doing several, but because I recognize a few ways in which my daughter has tried to manipulate me over the years, too.

Which brings me to the book's subtitle, "Effective Discipline for Children 2-12." Well, maybe. To start the counting program with my daughter (at 11) just wouldn't work. And, I don't think I need it. I would recommend giving the book a try, however, for some kids, for some behaviors... I do think the chapter on manipulation tactics, however, is a worthwhile read for any parent of a preteen, as different kids will use different tactics at different stages, and it sure is nice to have a bit of warning before that happens, am I right?

Here are a few other reasons I highly recommend this book: 1- It's easy to read. Face it, when you're a parent trying to deal with a discipline (any) problem, you don't want a psychology text. This book offers clear writing, lots of (meaningful) graphics to break up the reading, and you can glean something from each chapter, even if you don't read them all in order.
2- It's good advice that's easy to implement. (It's up to you to be consistent about it, and that's probably the hardest part.)
3- It's applicable to many ages, many stages.

The book is in its third or fourth edition as I write this review - obviously, it works.