Sorry God...but I haven't "gone-to-mass" since I was in that missionary position, when I "went-to-Bang-Ladesh."

Let me think.... Great? No, no... wait. Awesome? Hmm.... Oh, I've got it: b*tching! Yeah, that'll do. Since the beginning of last year, Sony's action-adventure game, God of War, has been quite the talk of the town. When originally announced, gamers knew the game sounded cool from the little details, like how you would live as a muscle-bound warrior in ancient Greece while on the verge of this man's own annihilation, diving straight through his recollected past. How these story circumstances evolved weren't really unveiled until last year's E3, when the general gamer masses finally got a chance to inhabit the livelihood of the killing machine called Kratos: a combo-linking madman with moves so sweet that they rotted your teeth. Also knowing that the head of Incognito Studios (the vulgar brains behind Twisted Metal 1, 2, and Black), David Jaffe, was on board and directing his creation along with the SCE Studios Santa Monica team, had helped to push the hype for this upcoming game. From what has been previously witnessed, gamers had a pretty good idea that God of War would be spectacular. But, I don't think that anyone could've estimated that in the end it'd turn into THIS....

Who is Kratos? Where did he come from? What is his story? Why is this champion of the Spartan people so hell-bent on killing the god of war: the towering figure known as Ares? Kratos was a man just like any other. However, people are known to change when certain events affect their life - like war. Kratos became hungry for power. He wanted it. He could taste it. His army rose, and along with it he became a brutal figure that no one would think could be stopped. A tragic incident in the past has led him up to this point. Soldiers hate and respect Kratos's awesome might just the same. For, Kratos is not just a mere mortal anymore. He is a cold soul who's ability in life to be able to slay any number of beasts make him a threat to anyone or anything that challenges this gladiator. Maybe that is why the goddess of wisdom, Athena, has chosen Kratos to be the savior of Athens, to do what no ordinary man could possibly accomplish. Kratos must kill her brother Ares, God of War.

Backup to the end of 2002, and you might remember Tecmo putting out their upgrade to the classic NES series of Rygar. Like Rygar: The Legendary Adventure was set in a Greco-Roman time period, God of War is placed in a similar time frame around that time. As you can imagine then, God of War's concept isn't completely original. Rygar was also in the action-adventure realm, where as the warrior Rygar, your tasks involved defeating ancient evils of many forms by using a chained yo-yo-like diskarmor. God of War's hero, Kratos, chains his weapons up as well. His tools of destruction: dual-wielded blades on a very long leash. Kratos has enemies of the mythological lineage, too. Only, the creatures that Kratos faces resonate from a more traditional family tree than the less recognizable (or generic) ones that Tecmo's game contained, such as giant slugs and insects. Including minotaurs, the cyclops, hydras, sirens, and even the slithery gorgon lady herself, Medusa: these selections of creatures (which have been depicted into folklore's teachings throughout several generations) are just some of the beasts that Kratos gets to toy with. Additionally, this is paired in a near nonstop cycle of combat mixed in with a very special additional element that applies to the reason as to why God of War retains a uniqueness and a highly entertaining stature above all other Greeky games: puzzles.

That's right: puzzles. Of course, as it's well-known, puzzles themselves are nothing new at all to game players. But, stop and think about this. How many times have the majority of the very enigmas that you've solved been integrated right into the action? I thought so. God of War fuses the two properties together so elegantly, so seamlessly, and so brilliantly that it becomes hard not to admire the game's seductive pull. One button that can only be stepped on to lower a gate at the other end of the room is keeping you from escaping a never-ending cycle of minotaurs manifesting with a hammer in hand. Looking at your options, you can step on the switch and hope that you're able to make it in time to the doorway in order to escape (which is an impossibility), or you can enable a stone-gazing technique that you've just acquired by killing Medusa to capture that minotaur for a while on top of the switch while Kratos hurriedly rushes out the door. A scripture reads that a sacrifice must be made in order to progress up ahead. In the room before you were an upward hill and a bunch of soldiers in cages. Hey, well someone's got to be the sacrifice. Right? Push that screaming wussy up the sliding pathway, and a bunch of demon ghouls will continually appear to slow down your progress toward getting that cage into the middle of a fiery compressor. Kratos will even get a chance to comb a blinding desert in search of the musical wailings three villainous sirens sing. When these gals can move around randomly, and are found and beaten in near-invisible sandstorm conditions, it's all in a hard day's work for our hero, Kratos.
 
And that's just a small sampling of what's in store for Kratos, puzzle-wise. Not all riddles have relations with killing some type of ugly, though. There are some that just involve the hazards of traps, or none at all. One such example deals with an entire room full of crisscrossing saw blades. The room is divided by squares, with one blade passing back and forth between the lines that connect these adjacent safe spots. The door up ahead is locked. Two switches in the room must be pulled to access this path. The problem is, both switches must be triggered within a short time span. So, ducking and dodging the blades quickly is the idea at this particular juncture. Another brainteaser places Kratos inside of a room to obtain a directly inaccessible necklace item, which leads us to the clues. There's a moveable wheel in the back of the room that allows for Kratos to manually twist stone blocks in a specific direction, so that he's able to fit each of these pieces with unfamiliar shapes and form an adjoining jigsaw puzzle. A much more involved (and interesting) brain game besides these ones, sets upon Kratos a damsel in distress. Hanging off of a rope and edging near her demise, with the use of an elevator, two enormous statues, and a couple of rooftop jumps, the idea is to get to a scalable wall. Once there, an hourglass starts the countdown before this woman falls and paints the town red - literally. God of War features loads of puzzle play besides these examples that not only can sometimes cause your brain to go insane from the more toughie challenges, but unraveling the mystery behind each one is fun and will really surprise you that you, of all people, can be that intelligent.
 
Half puzzle, half combat (and a lot of exploration in between): God of War's trivial path is countered by its immediate one. Disposing of the filth that plagues Kratos's world is something that won't happen every now and again as much as you might imagine. Butchering enemies is what Kratos does best, and he'll be doing so quite a lot. This might normally be bad news for a game whose battle engine is redundant and weak. This is not so for God of War. In this game, you'll love expelling foes as much (or about as much... I guess) as solving the puzzles. Where your thinking cap is already fastened for the affair of conundrums, it won't be taken off when the enemies that inhabit this mythological universe require that you actually put some brain power into defeating them. Combos are everything here. God of War's combat mechanics is relished in all sorts of directions; not just one, or two, or three. This is because Kratos wields both a fierce array of magical abilities and humongous blades grated in chain bearings to his arms (and later on one meatier sword). This is because Kratos is able to freely dish out large and highly stylish assemblies of combinations, drawing from each multiple source of destruction. This is because enemies are big on diversity, and at times big on tactical takedowns. Rolling and blocking, lunging and slamming, grabbing and twirling, and energizing into all-out power bursts - these are some of the many maneuvers that Kratos wills in his defense and advancement against the evils that will squish, toss, freeze, strangle, parry and push Kratos over the edge.

And if you're thinking that there's just a bunch of weaker combatants and a droplet of riskier perils in most parts, don't. Many times, smaller nuisances like undead swordsmen/archers and flying harpies will collide on the TV screen to help bring Kratos down while he's making his way up mountain trails, through temple passages, platforming across gaps, and clinging to a rock face's edge. But, as will stronger and longer beasts interfere in these travels just the same. In one chaotic moment, you'll find Kratos up against undead soldier types and several gorgons all at once (all with the capacity to momentarily turn Kratos into a block statue). In another, you'll confront archers and towering behemoths who try to headbutt and swat at Kratos with their clubs. Shadow demons who spring upward from the ground with blade strikes will be paired up with a team of enormously linked flail-wielding giants. It's not just that the fights can become dangerously varied either. Lots of times, exits to sparring rooms become magically sealed from any attempt at an escape. You've not only got to learn how to fight and defend yourself, but you've got to learn how to adapt to each situation, too.

The interesting thing about some enemies is that you'll need to defeat them especially by regulating a group of extra button inputs for a finishing blow. With minotaurs, for example, Kratos will tackle these beasts by pressing the circle button and tussle a bit as the minotaur will try to resist Kratos's blades slowly inching in for the jab inside its mouth. All the while this is going on, you'll have to repeatedly tap down on the circle button in order for Kratos to proceed with the kill. These button tapping mini-games aren't always so simple as that. Bosses and sub-bosses especially require that a specific order of commands be completed (using both the face and left analog directions) so as to proceed to a next plateau in the struggle at hand. Although these strings are optional to finish for non-boss encounters, they do serve to partially restore some health, magic (or sometimes both), or to grant Kratos additional red orbs for his continued survival. God of War is a lot like Devil May Cry in this regard, as Kratos will in fact pick up multicolored orbs by laying down enemies, opening chests, and uncovering them by breaking miscellaneous items (i.e., boxes, crates, statues, etc.). Green orbs associate with Kratos's health, blue is for magic, and red is for power-ups. Over time, the health and magic bars will be depleted as Kratos incurs injuries, or simply activates any of his four wizardry abilities. This quartet of magical attributes is endowed upon Kratos at separate points in the game. Don't think that you're a true hero instantaneously. Enchantments are given from the gods themselves to be able to form a surrounding lightning field, to turn enemies temporarily into stone, to hurl electrical balls of energy at foes from far reaches, and to call upon an army of souls from the depths of hell to kill for Kratos. Both the health and magic gauges at first start out small, but can grow bigger as Kratos searches for specialized chests within the game. Unlocking these yields items that, when combined with enough in tow, builds upon the meters' span. Trust me, you'll need it. As for those red orbs, they too can be found just about anywhere. These are another essential part to the gameplay, since Kratos starts out weak and only grows in character when you're advancing those red points toward building up weapon and magical properties. The purpose of red orbs is to make Kratos's onslaughts more powerful and introduce new moves - such as the ability to spin circles in midair, slice upwards and lift enemies toward the sky, and enable Kratos to get all enemies within a 360º proximity stoned. Thinking about the combos, the health and magic bars, the challenges, and now the controls of God of War: you'll love it. Puzzles are ingeniously crafted. Enemies are a ton of fun to beat, in being able to continually evolve Kratos's fighting techniques. Also, with a quick and intuitive on-screen prompt for directions of every button procedure, this is one easy game to repeatedly follow through to the very end.

It'd be great to compliment God of War's superb gameplay engine by saying the same about its visual department. But, here's where a line is drawn. God of War is a lovely game. It's colorful and charismatic. It's got a wonderful artistic design. Its enemies look cool and animate very fluidly throughout the screen. Kratos does too, of course. He's a hunky Greek piece of meat if I ever did see one. Err, that is to say that if I were a lady. With all of these accolades, you'd think that my impressions of God of War were painted along the lines of perfection. That's where I come in now and tell you... almost. God of War truly is a remarkable sight for anyone who's eyes are still operational. Landscapes within the game are cast from shambled portions of Athens straight into the legendary Pandora's temple. Out to sea and scaling mountainous walls, God of War focuses on plenty of dynamic views for its direction. When exploring boat to boat across the Aegean Sea, a darkened skyline paints a cloudy rain storm for the bleakness of the mood. It is here where Kratos goes neck to face against a slew of gargantuan hydra heads throughout torn up parts of the ships. Monumental architectures with statues, torches, and rubble line the way throughout the connecting sections of the greatly detailed work that went into the anciently exquisite city settings within the game. Venturing into old ruins hold blades scraping sparks as they fly by, spiked walls draped in dried blood and deceased soldiers strewn about, and under water tunnels where juicy water sways and shimmers in a fine light. There isn't any problems with the appearance of God of War. Well, except for maybe that camera positions are all locked and can sometimes pull way back to a confusing angle. Aside from that fact, God of War is seriously amongst the most visually potential titles on the PlayStation 2. Only, it's just that God of War is a tiny bit lacking when compared to perfection. Despite this, its environmental renderings overall are colorful, crisp, and captivating. You're going to like the way that this game looks.

Naturally, the amazing levels don't contribute to the game's magnificence alone. More so, it's the way in which the moving characters are all just right on the money. As noted up above, Kratos is a muscle man. He's not hulking, but slender. He's got no hair, but he's got one bushy soul patch. He has no clothes on his back, but he's got a ragged loincloth tied around his waist and boots. Kratos's most notable features, however, are his face and body tattoos... and of course the chain-linked blades bound to his wrists. When Kratos attacks, the game is lit on fire. During all of the many skirmishes, these swords literally glow a bright and shining orange. You can see these things spinning in circles, act like a pair of whips as Kratos flings them forward, or get stuck through backs, eyes, necks, or whatever in a wide supply of grotesque finishing moves. Particle effects are a big part of the game too. When Kratos slams his sword into enemies you'll see sparks, and yes, blood too. Blood spits out from the tops of torsos while the haircut Kratos gives enemies starts from the neck. Dust Orbs then swirl through the air with the destruction of the inhuman. What's really something though is how swiftly Kratos and enemies flow. Kratos can do side, forward, and backward rolls. When he blocks, his arms react naturally. The arms of Kratos wail around a lot when he's racking up points in style. Just wait until you see Kratos grab one enemy and whirl them above his head, knocking down all surrounding enemies while the one guy's still attached to his blade. Coolness comes in all sizes here: from the scale of massive beasts clutching and beating Kratos like a tiny worm, to Kratos digging his blades in their tops and sliding down all in a very slick package. God of War breathes a new life into ancient Greece like it's never seen before.

Free music is starting to become something of a popular fad with today's games. Both Silent Hill 3 and Silent Hill 4: The Room included free, full-length soundtracks of their games in the last two years. Well, Silent Hill 3 did anyway. You'd had have to reserved Silent Hill 4: The Room if you wanted your copy. Still, games package them in and gamers are loving the idea. So, Sony said, "Why not?" Or, maybe it was something to the extent of this, "We'll do it to force their money into becoming our money. Ha-HA!" Whatever they decided to say, it doesn't really matter. When God of War becomes yours, so does a code printed on the back of your instruction booklet. The catch: you've got to sign up for Sony's MP3 Connect service and download the entire soundtrack. Don't worry about paying, though, as it doesn't cost a cent to sign up. But then again, it would've been easier to just include a separate CD with the entire track list instead of having to go through the trouble of creating an account and downloading the music to your computer. This especially being the case if you've already got your own music player on the computer.

That news aside, God of War's soundtrack is fairly good stuff. A changing between intensified and calmer orchestrated rhythms demands that you to pay attention to its virtuous patterns. In the act of fighting evil forces, the background music tunes into fast drums, sets of strings, and chanting vocals. When the screen becomes emptier, it's noticeable how the flow will shift into a lighter tune using flutes and the like. The music in its strength and originality goes well with the game. There's a good chance that you'll want to own this varied song outfit as a part of your computer's MP3 collection, too. God of War's voiced integrity is yet another of its aspects deserving of some recognition. Though the game isn't too story-heavy, it gets the job done that it sets out to do. Although, this cuts down on the time in which characters do get to speak. And not surprisingly, this influence also limits the amount of talkative individuals. Besides Kratos himself, mainly gods and a few other minor characters (including two naked ladies - SCORE!) get to speak. This limited talent doesn't hold to the highest standards in quality dialogue, but they're fine enough for what it's worth (especially with the ferocious effectiveness of Kratos's gravelly voice). Not one to fall far from this delicious tree, the apples in God of War's audio bag are pitched rightly and pitched realistically. Swiping and clanging blades do collide in Kratos's battle-hardened world. Electrical shocks and whooshing noises are a part of his magical arsenal. Creatures, both big and large, clang, bang, and literally thud the screen when plopping their intimidating weaponry around. Boxes and statues break, a pounding block trap quakes, and Kratos takes footsteps to make. All of this happens in a very lively game full of spot-on noises all around.

This is it. This is the one. The. Killer. Application. God of War is it and it's that. It's the game on the PlayStation 2 that you want to be playing now, not then. Now. Buy this one now! Buy God of War. Too busy playing Halo 2? Break it! Too busy beating Resident Evil 4? Burn it! If you're not playing or at least intending on purchasing God of War, you're really missing out. God of War is the action-adventure extravaganza that you might've thought looked to be good. Well, that's where you thought wrong. God of War is not just good - it's fantastic. If you don't believe me, buy the game yourself. Try it and if you don't like it, you're a liar. If you do, stop by and thank me. Trust me on this one: God of War is THE game that you should be playing at the moment. Get it? Got it? GOOD.