John Gray - Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship
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Feeding the fear of being hurt...
Pros
Improves Communication
Cons
Gives False Sense of Security
Recommended it?
Yes
John Gray has many useful suggestions in all of his books for improving communication between men and women. This book is no exception.
I think this could be helpful for dating couples, especially when both parties have read the book and use it as a general guideline for their early dating. It can be beneficial for both to have a common reference as to what responsibilities each person has. It can help prevent misunderstandings.
However, as the relationship continues it will take on a life of it's own. No "book" can accurately predict the course a relationship "should" take.
I think there is a danger in this book (as in similar books) in that it gives people a false sense of security. Many people (especially men) are very good at "following directions". There is the idea that if a person does what they are "supposed" to do the results will be as they wish. This is not necessarily true.
People who read a lot of self-help and relationship guidance books are often trying to educate themselves out of fear. The more of these books they read, the more they believe they will be able to "control" the relationship and the other person...so they will not have to be afraid of being hurt.
However, the worst thing you can do about a fear is to give it more power. So those who learn all of the rules for dating and relationships may be actually INCREASING their fears by acting on them. Every time a relationship does not go "according to the book" they may go find another book...instead of addressing the "fear" which is what REALLY caused the relationship to fail.
Any book that makes a person feel he or she can "control" the other person and the relationship is going to be counter-productive to the relationship working out. Love and ego cannot succeed together. Ego is based on fear and needs control. Love needs acceptance and freedom to be as it is.
Love means letting the other person be who they are. It means acknowledging that you can't "control" the person or the relationship and being okay with that.
I think this could be helpful for dating couples, especially when both parties have read the book and use it as a general guideline for their early dating. It can be beneficial for both to have a common reference as to what responsibilities each person has. It can help prevent misunderstandings.
However, as the relationship continues it will take on a life of it's own. No "book" can accurately predict the course a relationship "should" take.
I think there is a danger in this book (as in similar books) in that it gives people a false sense of security. Many people (especially men) are very good at "following directions". There is the idea that if a person does what they are "supposed" to do the results will be as they wish. This is not necessarily true.
People who read a lot of self-help and relationship guidance books are often trying to educate themselves out of fear. The more of these books they read, the more they believe they will be able to "control" the relationship and the other person...so they will not have to be afraid of being hurt.
However, the worst thing you can do about a fear is to give it more power. So those who learn all of the rules for dating and relationships may be actually INCREASING their fears by acting on them. Every time a relationship does not go "according to the book" they may go find another book...instead of addressing the "fear" which is what REALLY caused the relationship to fail.
Any book that makes a person feel he or she can "control" the other person and the relationship is going to be counter-productive to the relationship working out. Love and ego cannot succeed together. Ego is based on fear and needs control. Love needs acceptance and freedom to be as it is.
Love means letting the other person be who they are. It means acknowledging that you can't "control" the person or the relationship and being okay with that.
