Black & Decker CBG100 Electric Blades Grinder

It was a sad day when my beloved Braun coffee grinder bit the dust, but there is only so much one can expect from a cheap appliance with an even cheaper plastic lid.

Now I own another cheap appliance with an even cheaper plastic lid: Black & Decker CGB100 with SmartGrind! It works well enough, but the design is flawed and possibly a bit dangerous. Let the rhetorical questions and fact-filled answers begin!


1) What is SmartGrind? As far as I can tell, it is nothing more than a word that is printed on the coffee grinder and thus appears in the picture of the coffee grinder that is on the package. The intention is apparently to lead unsuspecting consumers to assume that this product has "SmartGrind" and that "SmartGrind" is, um, something to have. Curiously, neither the list of features on the package, nor the "Use and Care Book" that comes in the package, say what the hell this is. Chalk up another one for the marketing department! Hope those guys are being paid what they deserve!

2) What are the actual features of this coffee grinder? According to the box lid: "Easy-touch pulse control for simple, safe operation," and "Precision stainless steel blades for consistent performance." Yeah, but they ALL have those newfangled steel blades these days. Nobody is using wood, brittle plastic, or nonprecision soft lead blades anymore. Gotta love technology. [Gotta also love a company who puts the phrase "Grinds Coffee and Nuts" on the package, thus tempting people like me to make crude jokes from which I am of course abstaining, this being a family oriented website review]. In other words, standard features. The grinder includes a steel hopper with steel blades. You pour your beans into it, put the lid on, and press the "pulse control" to make the blades spin. Stop pressing when the coffee is pulverized to your liking. Simple? Yes, but read on.

3) Say, what's with the goofy looking grey handle like thing extending several inches from the lid? This would be the "grey accent" that includes the "pulse control." Can you say "planned obsolescence?" If not, just say "SmartGrind" because I think I've just figured out one meaning of that word: "plastic handle thing that is going to break immediately if not sooner!" [Please note: I have thus far refrained from making even ONE "nuts in a grinder" joke, despite the temptation to make some adolescent comparison between a consumer rip-off and an unpleasant physical experience].

In order for this grinder to work, the "pulse control," a little bump on the end of the "grey accent" handle thing, has to fit into a little niche on the grinder proper. Once the bump is in the niche, you press on the "pulse control" and the blades start spinning. Nice! But if the grey plastic handle pulse bump thingie were to break off, there would be no grindin' in your kitchen, if you know what I mean. In my opinion, said flimsy grey accent handle bump thingie is eminently breakable. It also makes the process of putting on or removing the lid rather awkward. Even worse, as you remove the lid, it's pretty easy to start the blades up again without meaning to; if you tilt the lid at all, the stupid grey handle thingie can reconnect and yo, the blades be buzzin'. I think it would be hard to get a finger in there, but nothing is impossible.

4) Is it a pain in the butt to clean? Why yes. You have to somehow maneuver around the blades without cutting off your fingers. Some people manage to do that. I suggest that you jam some wadded up paper towels in there and hope the high-tech steel blades don't create a mixture of paper towel and coffee detritus that will render your next pot of java ever so flavorful. If that doesn't appeal to you, just leave the leftover coffee powder in there. It's coffee. It isn't going to kill you. Considering the risk of infection from filleting your fingertips, a messy coffee grinder is not such a bad trade-off. Look, some people have what it takes to live with a cheapo coffee grinder, and some don't. Deal wit it.

5) Should people buy this thing? Here's the argument for buying it: It's cheap and it works. If it's cheaper than anything else on the shelf, and if you are not the kind of person who is likely to win a Darwin award by losing your fingers in a freak coffee-grinder-cleaning accident, go for it. So what if the stupid handle breaks? Life is full of risk. When that day comes, hold a simple service for the old lid, then stumble over to Walmart in your dazed, caffine-withdrawal stupor and fork over the $15 or so for a new grinder. That's the American way.

The argument for not buying it is: it has a piece of crap lid that is going to break. Yeah, it's only 15 bucks, but there's a matter of principle involved here. You worked for that money! (Or not, but let's pretend you did). Don't you deserve a 15 buck coffee grinder that doesn't have a lid designed by idiots/marketing geniuses (the difference being?) who ought to know that it is going to break as soon as your future-Darwin-award-winning brother-in-law visits and tries to grind his nuts [HA! I couldn't resist after all] and/or your kid screams at the exact moment that you are placing the lid on the table, causing it to fall to the floor and shatter into a billion tiny plastic shreds that will clog your Roomba, sending it into the "circle dance of death"? It's just plain wrong for Black & Decker to think that they can get away with "SmartGrinding" the American consumer.

So you decide. Buy it or not. Me, I'm gonna go grind something while I still can. Somebody (Franklin? Einstein? Ghandi? I forget) once said "There is only so much one can expect from a cheap appliance with an even cheaper plastic lid." Seize the day, baby!