Bissell 3600 Bagless Upright Vacuum

Not since Barbie opened her mouth in the late 80s and told my daughter that, "Math class is hard" have I been so angry about a Barbie product. OK, so between then and now I have had a few "issues" with Barbie and her posse, and I have the Epinions to prove it, but out and out angry - nope, not since Barbie uttered that fabulous phrase.

So just what has my knickers in a twist, my panties all bunched up and my blood pressure at the boiling level? Simple it's the latest fall release from Bissell - just in time for holiday shopping and cleaning, the Barbie Real Vacuum - that's right folks a real working pink vacuum plastered with that hideous Barbie logo and flowers that screams, "Cleaning is woman's work."

Gotta Love Grandma

Now, if you think I'd buy this monstrosity just to write the Epinion, you might be correct - I have been known to do that in the past. However, $49.99 is a bit rich for my blood, especially when my return on the investment will be three cents, many bottles of Rolaids and countless headaches every time that thing is pushed past me.

Truth be told I don't own it (just kidding and checking to make sure you were still reading). The fact of the matter is I didn't know this gem existed until Nana showed up at my door with it a few weeks ago. You can only imagine the look of horror and stun on my face as Nana handed this gem over to my 5 year old, and I do believe that I saw dear old dad roll his eyes as she did it.

Now being that half my house is Barbie central, I do feel ashamed to say that I had no prior knowledge of the Barbie vacuum - of course I do blame Bissell, Mattel and Nickelodeon for that. There has been no hideous, non-stop ad campaign heralding the arrival of the Barbie vacuum, although I am dying to see the commercials - five year old all decked in a dress with netting underneath, pearls, a June Cleaver hairstyle, high heels, lipstick and a half apron gleefully moving about the home as she cleans, while her brothers sit around playing video games or watching TV. Maybe after she's done cleaning she can bake them some cookies from scratch in her Barbie easy bake oven.

In fact when Nana showed up at the door a few weeks back with this gift, I had to check my calendar - for a minute I thought it was 1952, not 2002. Granted I had suggested that it might be nice to have another Eureka The Boss Lite Cordless Vacuum or even the Bissell Go Vac, as I have one Eureka already and the kids fight over it all the time, and the charge doesn't stay a long time, so having a back-up would be helpful and much appreciated.

Granted it's a Grandmother's prerogative to spoil her grandchildren, but please a pink vacuum that only 1 out of 4 children will touch, let alone use - that's just impractical.

Plastic Men Don't Push Pink Vacuums

In fact, can you even envision Ken pushing this pink monstrosity around the dream house? (Well actually he's so emasculated at this point he just might). But rather, I envision him and a few of his Malibu buddies hunkered around the Barbie Dream Kitchen Table playing cards and drinking beer while Barbie, Skipper, Midge and Theresa fight about who gets to vacuum up the mess. A few years from now I might imagine him and his beer gut sprawled out on the couch while a hagged out Barbie pushes his feet out the way with this gem of a product so she can get under the couch.

Real Men Don't Push Pink Vacuums (either)

OK, so we've decided that Ken will never use this vacuum, but will real men use it (or at least 7 and 9 year old boys). Not in my house, and I even went as far as to offer both my sons extra money to use the Barbie vac to clean up messes.

It isn't that the vacuum doesn't work, or that anyone was watching them, it was just the stigma of pushing a pink flowery vacuum over a mess that made them run for cover. Give them my trusty old Eureka the Boss Stick Vac and they would have been on that mess like stink on a pig - and would have cleaned it up without even asking for extra money.

I know touching a pink vacuum won't adversely affect my sons, but try and convince them. This vacuum is to boys what kryptonite is to Superman. It drains them of all their powers, taking with it their ability to clean. I think the biggest fear for my sons is that if they sneak and use it, I will snap a photo that will be shown to first dates and perspective wives, so for them it's better to be safe than sorry. (Oh, and of course being a good mom, I would do that).

(Author's note - yes, this little gem also comes in blue, but still has the hideous logo and flowers, and I don't even think in blue, the boys would use it).

I also need to add that the manual made me chuckle, and contradicts my opinion that boys will hate to use this. Under the section titled "How to use your Barbie Real Vacuum" it says, "The Barbie Real Vacuum is a quick and easy way for your child to keep his/her room clean." Huh, I'll pay cash money to find one boy willing to use this. My son, who is Felix Unger Jr., would rather live in filth than touch this vacuum.


A Woman's Work is Never Done!

and may never get done if you rely on this!

Now that I've touched on my major issues against the vacuum - which make me despise it more and more the longer I sit and type, let's get down to the nitty gritty and see how it measures up as a cleaning tool - being that it is billed as a real vacuum.

First of, they may say "real vacuum", but don't get confused - this is by no means a real vacuum - it is a battery operated/rechargeable/glorified/motorized broom and dustpan. Whee that was a mouthful.

This will NEVER replace your old standard issue Hoover or Phantom vacuum - unless you don't mind cleaning in 12-minute increments. It is a lightweight vacuum that converts from stick to hand model in the touch of a button is excellent for cleaning light messes, cars, stairs, small floor areas, etc. In other words in a hepped up dust buster on a stick, covered in Barbie pink and flowers.

Since I already had a Eureka model similar to this, it's easy to compare and contrast.

Assembly- The instructions say quick and easy, and that is correct.

One nice feature about this vacuum is that the handle comes in three sections - two of which must be screwed together to attach to the main unit. It's nice to have a third section, two sections are the right height for my five year old, but the vacuum will grown with her, but the reality is she'll most likely outgrow the vacuum before the handle needs to be lengthened.

After the handle is screwed together, you place the hideous Barbie Pink handle grip on the top part of the metal handle and turn it clockwise until it tightens into place. Then you attach a piece to the bottom of the handle, which will allow you to insert the handle into vacuum. You need to listen for the audible click to make sure it is attached properly. To detach the handle simply depress the button and pull backwards on the handle.

Charge It

Two words Barbie is Very familiar with.

To charge to the vacuum, you attach the charging unit to the base of the vacuum near the wheel and plug in the charger. Initially the vacuum must be charged for 24 hours - to work for 12 minutes, then it takes another 12 to 16 hour charge to get it work again. When not charging the unit should not be plugged in.

Here's something (well two things) I positively hate about this vacuum, it terms of it being a real appliance. First off, how much can you clean in 12 minutes? That's rather pathetic - it's like your kid finally gets the cleaning mojo going and the vacuum dies - that's a way to motivate them.

Second, the battery is actually inside the vacuum, as opposed to my Eureka vacuum that has a removable battery. You need to take out 8 screws to replace the battery, so the unit is out of service until it charges up again. I think this vacuum is as lazy as the real Barbie. With my Eureka vacuum, the battery is the only thing that is charged, so you can buy extra batteries, and have them charged so you can keep cleaning - no such luck here. Hey maybe I can modify that old talking Barbie to say, "Vacuuming is hard."

It Sucks

as much as Barbie at a ... (oops kids might be reading).

So once your vacuum is charged and ready, how well will it clean for those 12 minutes.

This vacuum has a rotating brush (an "impressive" whopping 8" of cleaning path) and removable dust cup - with a filter that can be rinsed clean should it get icky (Barbie's word, not mine). Granted it's not much different than my Eureka, which just goes to show size doesn't matter. Although, I do find the Eureka filter easier to deal with than the cup on this. Claire has pulled on it and we had dust bunnies and crud everywhere, and of course the charge was out of the battery, so I had to use the Eureka to clean up the mess. Hey, that's kind of funny you need one vacuum to clean up the mess of the other.

The vacuum will not work with the cup out of it and the manufacturer warns against operating it without the cup in place. My favorite warning in the manual goes something like this, "Warning to Parents. Barbie Real Vacuum will not pick up crayons, marbles, and other large or hard objects." DUH!!! That's like saying Barbie does not walk or stand alone. But it makes me think - what would happen if a marble accidentally got in the path of Claire's vacuum.

I'm not going to be Franny False-Advertising and say the Eureka picks up honking pieces of pizza crust or giant objects, I just happen to think it does a better job getting objects off the floor.

What, no Kung Fu Grip?

OK, so that was GI Joe, not Barbie, but your child would need kung fu grip to work this vacuum in the hand held mode. The vacuum has two modes - pushed on a handle and held by a tiny handle. I happen to think the hand held design needs to be redesigned. When you detach the handle, you are left with a pink cylinder to hold onto and operate the vacuum. I find holding onto this with my hand very awkward. My hand tires easily and I have dropped the vacuum several times (I swear accidentally). My five year old also has great difficulty keeping a grip in the mini handle.

The Eureka is much nicer - pull out the handle and operate the vacuum like you would any other dust buster, with a built in handle. Claire has no problem operating that one.

As far as clearance, this Eureka and Barbie Real vacuum are about the same - they get under beds and sofas, so the little ones can do all the cleaning you hate to do.

Anything else

The Barbie Real Vacuum comes with a limited one year warranty - operating the vacuum without the cup may void the warranty. It works on carpet and hard floor surfaces.

They say the minimum age for the vacuum is 6 and up - with adult supervision (does a 9 year old count - just kidding -wait, in Disney years it does.) My five year old has no trouble getting this baby to work - 12 minutes at a time every 12 to 16 hours. I do supervise her, but she knows how to start and convert it.

When the vacuum is unplugged you may surface clean the exterior with a damp sponge - to gloss up that god-awful Barbie pink.

$49.99 are you out of your mind?

Yes, I think you might be if you decide to pay that for a "vacuum" that works 12 minutes at a time. I'm sure ten of that is for the hideous Barbie Logo. Sure part of my loathing for this product is the Barbie tie in. Please, if you're going to have a girl's vacuum, you'd better make a boy's one as well – what's wrong with the Nimbus 2000 Electric Broom, or the Matchbox Push 'n Go Racer Vac – how about the Sponge Bob suck it all up Vac (that appeals to girls and boys) or the Rugrats Rug Cleaner?

Please, in this day and age why must we let girls think that math class is hard and cleaning is a girl's job – or why must Mattel keep the myths alive? I know that my daughter using this to clean won't undo all that I have taught her, in our house everyone cleans – and all of them were just fine with a none cartoon/toy related vacuum – in fact they still fight to use the plain black Eureka vacuum.

Frankly I find my Eureka to be much nicer and easier to use. It's a much better appliance – easier to charge and empty. Easier to use in the hand held mode and the charge lasts a bit longer. I'd suggest that over this any day.