Army Men Air Attack for PlayStation 1

Okay, sit down because this is an Uncle JiggyJay story. A long, long, long, long, long, long, long, time ago when I was a wee little gamer, I like the Army Men series. Okay, you may laugh your heads off now. It all started with the first Army Men game. I thought it was really fun at the time, so I bought AM: AA. Boy, was I disappointed. There are only two companies I hate?despise: 3DO and 989 Studios.

STORYLINE: 2/5

The Green Team (the good guys) is in a war between the Tan Army (the bad guys. Col. Grimm and Plastro (great names, huh?) are leading this war and what makes the plot even juicer is that they are all toy soldiers made out of plastic. Great job, 3DO!

Basically in this game, you are in a helicopter and you have to shoot down other helicopters and destroy Tan Bases. That?s pretty much it. You have missions that you have to do whether it?s protecting the Green Base from ants or from protecting a toy cargo train from the Tan Base, that?s an overview of how stupid this game is. I think that if 3DO actually spent time and money and their blood on their games as much as companies like Capcom, Square Soft, and Nintendo, then this game would have been great.

When I get older, I am going to be a journalist for one of my favorite magazines and in order to do that, if I play a crappy game, I review it.

There are also co-pilots that tag along on every mission. These guys have repetitive sayings and EXTREMELY annoying voices. I suggest that you turn the sound off when you are playing each mission.

Probably the greatest thing in this game that turned wrong is the awesome Winch. This thing is awesome. If you fly over an object, you can pick it up. It can be a cherry to drop onto enemies or it can be a power up to revitalize you or to restore your supply of weapons.

THE CHARACTERS:

Colonel Grimm?What a dorky looking dude.

Captain Blade?He gives you each mission.

Sergeant Hawk AKA Sarge?He?s from all of the Army Men games.

General Plastro?This is another dorky looking character.
CO-PILOTS:

John Lawless AKA ?Hardcore??He?s the most annoying

Dave Parker AKA ?Rawhide??He?s the second most annoying

James Marshall AKA ?Woodstock??The only one I can stand.


All of the characters in this game have cheesy voice acting just like all of the other Army Men games.


HELICOPTERS:

Huey: A small, yet humble helicopter?that sucks.

Chinook: With two propeller-type things on top, it looks dorky.

Super Stallion: Finally a GOOD helicopter, this is my second favorite.

Apache: My favorite helicopter. This is the coolest and fastest.

I hope that in future Army Men games (I hope there?s no more of this crap, but if there?s more?) than 3DO should add more co-pilots, helicopters, missions, and overall just make a better game.

THE GRADING: 1-5


THE SOUND: 2/5

I hate the voices in this game. They are repetitive and are VERY annoying when you?re frustrated. The only thing that saved this game from being a 1/5, is that the explosions sound almost cool and they weapons sound sort of cool.

THE GRAPHICS: 2/5

The graphics aren?t that great at all. The camera angle is what saved this from being 1/5. The camera angle is positioned behind the helicopter, which makes it great. Also the explosions are sort of cheesy and the soldiers running around on the ground don?t look like Army Men. They look like green or tan shapes?that?s all.

THE CONTROL: 4/5

Definitely the best thing in the whole entire game. Every mission is easy to do, because of the controls. Flying while shooting missiles or shooting machine guns at the enemy is sort of fun because of the controls. The Winch is especially a great part of the game because you can pick up objects to drop onto enemy bases.

THE REPLAY VALUE: 2/5

This game sucks. After you try it, you will give it back to the store. The only thing that saved it from being a 0/5 is that the multiplayer is sort of fun. In multiplayer, you can play cooperative and play missions with your friend. Also, there?s a mini-game called ?Flag Nab-it? which is sort of fun also. Basically you and your friend pick a color (tan or green) and you guys compete against each other to go into each other?s bases and try to steal the flag. Isn?t that fun (sarcasm)?

OVERALL:

As I said at the start of this review, this game sucks donkey (insert word here). It really does just like all the other 3DO games. I think that if 3DO actually played their own games and found out how bad they suck, they would know what to do about it and for the first time, make a good game. I?m not going to try Army Men: Air Attack 2 because it just sounds stupid and if I hated the first one, why would I play the second? My New Years Revolution was to not play 989 Studios and 3DO?s games EVER again. Thank you for reading my review. If you want to play good games that aren?t about battling tan toy soldiers, play:

Final Fantasy 10 (Read my review) (PS2)
Tony Hawk?s Pro Skater 3 (Read my review) (PS2)
Tony Hawk?s Pro Skater 2 (Read my review) (PS1)
Grandia 2 (DC)
Madden NFL 2002 (PS2)
Timesplitters (PS2)
Gran Turismo 3 (PS2)
Twisted Metal Black (Read my review) (PS2)

There, I gave you some game titles from most of the genres. Anyway, I just wanted to write this to tell you NOT to buy this game, and use you money on a good game that I listed above. Sorry, my review wasn?t as lengthy as my other ones, but I don?t like this game.

So until my next review, probably on Tony Hawk?s Pro Skater, I remain

Jiggy ?3DO-Hater? Jay